Urgent advice needed - going into refuge

[looksfamiliar]

Hello

I am hoping to get into a refuge today. I've been told to call in this morning to see if there is anywhere available.

I am in a hurry because my XP, who is refusing to leave the property, is due home today and I don't know what time.

I have been advised by WA to get legal advice about leaving the property because I am a joint owner. I would like to sell and move on, I have decided, after being given ultimatum by XP that he either stays or we sell. He has said he might go for a yes to give me a chance to get sorted (we have 2 very young DCs) but I just don't believe him. I have asked him to leave so many times before and he can't give up control. He is extremely EA.

I don't yet have a solicitor but I don't know the legal implications of leaving and instructing later. I only know solicitors advise not leaving a property if there are ownership issues.

Can anybody help advise?

NB: we are not married so the house is jointly owned 50/50 and an occupation order would be needed to take sole possession. I am told that I have enough grounds for non molestation order, which is granted would then allow me legal aid to get an OC but I am not strong enough to take him on this way at the moment.

Thank you.

The lady I spoke to at the refuge was trying to talk me out of staying there after she listened to my situation.

I'm sure there are some real horror stories that make my life look terrific but it still makes you feel as though you're making a big deal out of normal behaviour. I'm so over being invalidated but it's taken the wind out of my sails.

She said it was also about funding of course but I think they could have advised of some process for interim funding.

How are you getting on?

I remember having a risk assessment done by a woman's charity about how much danger i was in regarding my stbxh control and abusive behaviour, it came back low. I made me feel really really odd like i had made it all up. I kind of get the impression that mentally your in the same place i was a year ago. You know his behaviour isn't right but still feel some degree of loyalty to him, almost like hes acted out of character or something. Its hard truly hard, a year on i can honestly say me stbxh didn't act out of character his abusive behaviour had always been a part of his but intensified and became more obvious.

I hope you and your children are safe i really do. If you have no where else to go i would honestly go and see a solicitor you may well be entitled to legal aid (as i was). She can put into motion a non molestation and occupation order which will force him to move out. In the mean time please please visit your dr and explain the situation as in order to qualify for legal aid i you need to have seen a dr.

Thank you for thinking of me.

I am fine, still at home with the little ones. He is back from his trip but as we are no longer 'together' to each other, we are busy avoiding each other.

I am trying to process all the years with him and how I have been treated so badly by him sexually, and how I internalised it all in order to cope and feel I had control. I could get him out im sure, if I wanted to, but I don't have the guts to take legal action. In the meantime it feels like being raped all over again, having him here and him refusing to move out.