Is it time to leave?

[MrBee]

I think this is the end of our relationship but am hesitating to make the leap into the unknown. He has always had a volatile temper (together 10 years) and in the past has broken stuff, punched walls and doors etc. He hasn't been physically abusive since our child was born (now 7) but is still verbally abusive. Last week he threatened to strangle me in front of our son because I was 'winding him up.' I know it was an empty threat but I never want our child to witness anything like that again. I think I just need to gather the courage...

Yes he knows where we are and was intent on coming to get his son back tonight. I managed to talk him down from that fortunately. He's making me feel like I'm the bully and that I'm exaggerating...

Think about sending him back to stay with his dad....how does that sound to you? When he's angry, when your son 'winds him' up? Imagine your child being away from you, living with this volatile man....still wavering?

NO NO NO NO NO.

Do not waver. You are the primary carer for your son and he is better off with you. Please call 101 in the morning and explain the situation. Ask for a police escort from school if need be. You are not withholding access, you haven't even started to sort it out yet.

He is the bully. NOT YOU.

Think about how he has made you feel, to the point that you have left and gone to your parents. You are not the bully here. He is still trying to bully you. Please get legal advice ASAP tomorrow. And I know it might sound daft but please try and get a good sleep tonight, I think you're going to need it.

*ex was very reasonable (but upset obviously).

He is demanding that DS be returned to the family home tomorrow after school. He is threatening to call the police and saying I have taken his child away from him.*

That is not remotely reasonable!!

And as a PP said, that is him bullying you, so enough with the feeling guilty.

PastBananas gave good advice. Read that post again and follow it to the letter.

When I read your post this afternoon about how to sort child contact, I was going to suggest leaving it a few days to let the dust settle, then suggesting something and trying to reach an agreement.

That would be the reasonable thing to do.

He thinks he can get you back home that easily. DS is just a pawn in this, to him. Remember, you said you're not going back.

I would keep DS home from school for a couple of days

OK - keep DS off of school today.
Contact Womens Aid again and Rights of Women.
Also call 101 and discuss this with the police.
Ask for their DV team.
Social Services may also be a good call.
Get as many support services around you as possible right now.
Be one step ahead of him.

Thank you so much for your help everyone. I have spoken to the police on 101, everything is now logged and someone is coming out to see me tomorrow. I've also spoken to my local domestic abuse support team who were great. They have also put a marker on the address I'm staying at. Just need to speak to school so will do that shortly. Phew.

Well done OP.
You are making such massive strides at the moment.
It may all still feel a bit numb but you are doing so so well!

Well done, you’re doing the right thing.

Great to hear you're making progress. Well done!