Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My girlfriend's kids are controlling can you help please

11 replies

Shelby6 · 30/05/2018 11:20

Looking for advice.. in a fairly new relationship . Known the lady for about a year. Romantically 4 months. my girlfriend's daughters dictate the pace to her.. telling her what to do when she can and cannot see me... even saying no contact on phone when they are at home. As They want her to spend time with them... they speak to her in such an awful way. I don't get involved . But the other night . They told me what's what and I just responded calmly . Saying please don't be respectful . This was over a Sleep our first at there house. They didn't like the idea . So slept at there aunts house... it sounds like something out the dark ages . Oh and I feel like shrek 😔 any advice welcome. The girls are aged 16 and 18..

OP posts:
Flowerpotbicycle · 30/05/2018 11:25

Run. It won’t get any better, parents who allow their kids to call the shots will always allow them to. Don’t waste your time

hellsbellsmelons · 30/05/2018 11:52

Yep as PP said.
RUN - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And don't look back.
This will never improve.
Your DP is a pushover.
No way would my DD dictate to me what I do with my life.
It's not normal at all.

Now end this charade and get out there and enjoy life with someone with a back bone and the strength of character to know what they want and go out and get it.

Original poster
Shelby6 · 30/05/2018 12:20

I think it stems from there father.. he was the bossy domineering type. That's why they split.. we've made so many plans .. had some great times.. just don't want them to become distant memorys.. I do appreciate your words of wisdom..

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 30/05/2018 20:44

Leave her. She's not a strong enough mother to deal with this. Find someone without the baggage that this relationship comes with.

Barbaro · 30/05/2018 21:42

How long ago did the woman split from their father?

I could kind of understand their behaviour if it's a recent split, like even a few years, and they feel you're replacing their father too soon. I know you don't want to do that, but to them it might feel that way.

They are being unreasonable though and your girlfriend should explain it all to them better, don't think she has.

Original poster
Shelby6 · 30/05/2018 22:07

Yes I no... I'm there for them as a friend.. happy to go at there pace.. not trying replace anyone.. I've fallen for her.. she treats me how I've always wanted to be treated. Yet we have this hurdle to deal .. with.. in my 50 years on gods earth I've never heard kids speak to the mother that way.. and I've not had a sheltered life.. its been a couple of years since they split.. my friends tell me to walk .. some have fallen out with me... we had a perfect picnic on the beach the other day. Then all that happened.. a little lost I guess ...

OP posts:
Barbaro · 30/05/2018 22:13

I think you're probably the first man she's brought home, and after over a decade each with their dad being the man in their life, now it's someone strange. They aren't going to be happy about it. Doesn't excuse their behaviour, but I think they are lashing out because they don't want a replacement and that's how it will seem.

Maybe try sitting down with them both and talking it through. May not work though, and you'll have to accept that.

Hassled · 30/05/2018 22:18

If you care enough, and it sounds like you do, then you have nothing to lose by actually talking to them - they probably want reassurance that you're not going to mess their mother around, that you're in it for the long term, that you value her, all the rest of it. What you have in common is that you all think the world of the same woman - I think knowing that helped my DH and my DD in the early difficult years - they clashed, but they both loved me, and in the end that brought them together. If that fails then yes, walk away - it won't get better.

forumdonkey · 30/05/2018 22:23

It's not up to you to do it, it's up to your gf. I rightly or wrongly kept any men away from my DC's for nearly a decade. I did this purposely. I then met an amazing man who I absolutely fell in love with. It took a while for my eldest to get used to him sleeping over even though he was 22. I told him that I had met someone who was very important to me and I wasn't prepared to lose him and sit alone at night because he couldn't deal with it. He's fine now and really likes him.

forumdonkey · 30/05/2018 22:26

I feel strongly OP that it's not your place to speak to her DC's, it's up to their mum. If your relationship and you are important to her then she will talk to them honestly how important you are to her.

notagain2018 · 30/05/2018 23:31

I agree with the others OP. Sit her down and tell her how this is affecting you and how you feel about their behaviour. Tell her you need her to stand up to them more or your relationship isn't going to go anywhere.
They are almost adults so this is ridiculous. And they do it because they get away with it.
You sound like a lovely person OP, speak to your girlfriend but if she's not prepared to do something, you are wasting your time and you need to find someone who is more invested in you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page