Teenage sleepover boyfriend and girlfriend

[Jane8765]

Hey looking for an opinion, my son wants to sleepround his girlfriends saying they will stay in the same bed, he has said and shown proof that all his school friends are having sleepovers and sleeping in the same bed together. My son and his girlfriend are both 16. Me and my husband are not liking the idea but are called old-fashioned and he says he doesn’t understand why his friends are allowed to but when it comes to him he is not. When he was 15 he had slept round his previous girlfriend numerous times however they were in different beds

They’re 16 and legally able to have sex. They probably already are having sex when you’re out or her parents are. And if they’re not, I’d rather have them have sex at home with access to condoms than out in a field with a torn condom then taking a risk.

What is the problem? Let him grow up with dignity. You cannot stop them having sex, but you can keep a good relationship with your son

Have you had the talk with him? Contraception and respecting each other's choices.?

That is the most important. Unless you wanna be granny before you are ready. and fuck up their future prospects

Who cares what he says about his friends doing it.

This is about YOUR family.

I am 63 and was dragged along by a friend to the Family Planning Clinic wise enough to be on the pill by 16. Just saying.

Where they sleep is irrelevant really. It’s just code for they are/will have sex. Are you aware of whether he and previous girl were having sex? For some kids 16 is the magic age as they see it as now it is ‘legal’. It wasn’t like that when I was young; it was all about saving yourself for love. Thinking about it though, I don’t think my experience was a better one.
I think you need to discuss all of the things you probably have talked about over the years- contraception, consent, respectful behaviour, meaningful relationships, porns not real etc.

Really, it’s none of your business- he isn’t doing anything illegal, you’ve done your bit and hopefully he is a decent young man. You need to set in place some boundaries which you all agree- some people with younger kids in house say no overnights, door to bedroom open, only after 3/6 months etc.

Do you remember after he hit puberty and began spending all that time ‘in his bedroom’? You managed that, no doubt accepting it was puberty. This is similar, I think.
I would probably arrange a fair number of trips out to provide privacy for him too, along the lines of ‘Dad and I are going to see Aunty Linda. We will be back around 9pm. Do you two fancy coming with us? No? See you at 9pm then’.

Only you know your son and what you’re comfortable with and the kind of conversations you’ve had to prepare him for these decisions. I’m not sure how I’ll feel when we get to that day, but I slept over at my bf’s from 15. It’s not always about sex though. I just liked getting away from home and having a bit of freedom. We stayed over at each other’s houses for 3 years and didn’t have sex until I was 18 and had left for uni.

Doesnt matter what all his friends are doing.
Doesnt matter if it makes you old fashioned.
Turning 16 is not a magic right of passage to adult hood. Demonstrating a level of maturity and common sense is and not all young people reach it at the same time.

weather they are having sex or not in secret is also not the point here, (although ensuring that he understands the implications of not using contreception is). the point is what message you wish to get across in terms of his approach to relationships and the way he treats women. Teenage relationships are intense and changeable. Deeply in love one minute, heat broken and hatefull the next, or just doing it for the sake of it. Slut shaming girls who have, ridiculing those who havent.

What does the girls parents think of this? Are they happy to have him stay, are they confident that giving the green light is not going to create issues.

I'm speaking from a fathers point of view. I recently had the same situation with my 15 year old son. Me and my wife were not keen on this happening. My son would not stop talking about it and was visibly upset as he felt we did not trust him and would not give him the chance to prove he can be trusted with his girlfriend. We allowed the sleepover to happen as we understood that he is growing up and should let him grow up with dignity.
He is 16 and presumably is finishing his GCSEs, he would be very stressed and probably sees this sleepover as some freedom and a get away. Speak to him about sex, contraception and what comes with sex and how it can affect him and his girlfriend, also take into consideration how long he has been seeing his girlfriend and if she has been introduced to you.
Introducing a girl or boy to parents is a big step, social media has changed the way relationships work. Trust me he has been seeing more girls than he has brought home as he no longer has to meet them or bring them home as he can video call and message them.
In conclusion I think you should allow this to happen as a trial, being round his girlfriends house they will be to nervous for anything to happen as they could be caught. If something goes wrong this time then you have an excuse to say no and it looks like this time you do not.