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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

3rd chance?

5 replies

Kibz · 29/05/2018 21:38

Bare with me it’s kinda long...
So Iv been with my partner for 9 years we bought a house together, have a 2 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant.
In November time last year I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, he would always take his phone with him, he booked a weekend away with just one of his mates (godfather to our child) which I put off by just them two going. He has a fairly free life goes on nights out weekends away stag dos aboard quite often. Anyway in December I looked through his phone and found messages on FB messenger from a women I didn’t read many and thought it was a work friend went onto what’s app and found other messages from another women, they were heartbreaking saying that she’s sorry she called it off with him and thanked him for the flowers.
I question him and lie after lie I did a lot of digging her finally told me the truth he meet in July on a stag do the snap chatted for a while then what’s app FaceTime and then him and his mate went and meet her and a friend for the weekend away in November, he says nothing physical happened and that he pissed her off and he sent her flowers to say sorry and keep her quite.
I decided to forgive him, well a couple of days ago I found messages from the work friend yet again theses were flirty and could read a couple as they had been locked. He lied where he meet her untill I message her husband and he question her.
They meet last October been messaging since and last month her meet her nothing physical again happend he says.

I was pregnant and didn’t know when I found the first messages and after finding out I thought it’s both what we wanted.
Anyway he says he doesn’t know why he messaged them and he loves me and wants to be a family but surly he did want something from the women? Had feelings for them?
I feel so utter shit about myself iv put on weight with pregnancy and have no self confidence I constantly stalk these women’s FB pages to see why they are better then me I feel like I’m going mad.
It scares the life out of me about the possibility of being a single parent.
I don’t know what to do Iv told him I don’t trust him I feel betrayed.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/05/2018 22:00

If you broke thus into paragraphs and spaced it out, you may get responses. It's just a walk of text and I haven't attempted to read it.

workinprogressmum · 29/05/2018 22:03

Sounds like a huge red flag.i imagine it's very overwhelming right now but he's been completely disrespectful by messaging other women. Take care of yourself

Buggeritimgettingup · 29/05/2018 22:04

That's just mean sandy.

I would rather be a single parent (and was for a long time after leaving my shit head ex) than live in doubt and mistrust. This will be at away at any remaining confidence.
Be strong now.

StarlightSparkle · 29/05/2018 22:10

It’s taken every ounce of resolve I possess to forgive my H for having an affair. There is no way he’ll be getting a 3rd chance. People can make bad decisions and do stupid things but they should learn from it. To do the same thing again isn’t forgiveable as far as I’m concerned; if I found any evidence of contact I would be straight to a solicitor.

inlectorecumbit · 29/05/2018 22:51

There will be a 4th time if you don't end it. Do you know why? It is because he knows you will forgive him every time and so he will continue without consequences.
Better to be a single parent than not being able to trust your partner, worrying constantly what he is up to.
This is no life for you Flowers

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