Paranoid boyfriend, advice please?

[Gaypoh]

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Today 21:33 Gaypoh

We've been together for 6 months. I'm at a total loss right now. I love him to bits but he has begun to poison my feelings for him.
At the start I knew he had had some past problems with cocaine, but I didn't know the full extent.
Things were great for the first few months. Then he got a job and started staying out later and later. He's been staying with me a lot as was in the process of getting his own place. Lately I only see him on a morning, then he's coming home 10pm obviously off his face.i try talking to him, but he is only really sober mornings I think and then he has to go to work.
Hes started to get scarily paranoid. He thinks I am cheating. I can barely have a conversation with him now unless it's about my none existent cheating. Im at home all day alone mainly yet he still thinks I'm up to no good. He thinks something is up if there's a picture off kilter on the wall, a cupboard left open, if I buy new stuff. I'm always asking him to take me out but he hasn't for ages, just says he needs to work. Yet there's never any money. The other day I went out with my friends to the beach, he said he didn't believe I had gone there and even said the pictures I took there, for his benefit, were old photos. In bed last night he said I tasted of another man! He's also paranoid about the books I read as I like horrors etc, he's been taking my books and throwing them away. He's also now smashed three of my phones.
Do you think it's the drugs or a mental illness? I don't know what to think or do, but I'm feeling controlled and I think it's emotional abuse..I'm starting to act shady around him.but it's because I'm constantly worrying over what he thinks.
He kept ringing last night but I wouldn't answer. I messaged him to say I can't be around him till he gets help. My head just feels so confused at the moment.

Gaypoh

Subject:

My boyfriend is being paranoid and abusive...advice please.

Message:

We've been together for 6 months. I'm at a total loss right now. I love him to bits but he has begun to poison my feelings for him.
At the start I knew he had had some past problems with cocaine, but I didn't know the full extent.
Things were great for the first few months. Then he got a job and started staying out later and later. He's been staying with me a lot as was in the process of getting his own place. Lately I only see him on a morning, then he's coming home 10pm obviously off his face.i try talking to him, but he is only really sober mornings I think and then he has to go to work.
Hes started to get scarily paranoid. He thinks I am cheating. I can barely have a conversation with him now unless it's about my none existent cheating. Im at home all day alone mainly yet he still thinks I'm up to no good. He thinks something is up if there's a picture off kilter on the wall, a cupboard left open, if I buy new stuff. I'm always asking him to take me out but he hasn't for ages, just says he needs to work. Yet there's never any money. The other day I went out with my friends to the beach, he said he didn't believe I had gone there and even said the pictures I took there, for his benefit, were old photos. In bed last night he said I tasted of another man! He's also paranoid about the books I read as I like horrors etc, he's been taking my books and throwing them away. He's also now smashed three of my phones.
Do you think it's the drugs or a mental illness? I don't know what to think or do, but I'm feeling controlled and I think it's emotional abuse..I'm starting to act shady around him.but it's because I'm constantly worrying over what he thinks.
He kept ringing last night but I wouldn't answer. I messaged him to say I can't be around him till he gets help. My head just feels so confused at the moment.

He swears he's never paid his hands on a woman...but I don't know. It's worrying.

He’s violent and he frightens you (with good reason).

Stop letting him in.

If he causes trouble at your door, call the police.

He will kill you one day

Sorry love. But I second @AnyFucker.
I had one of these once. I could've written all your posts on this thread. I made a plan and I chucked him, either before he killed me or I killed myself just to get rid. He stalked me for almost a year after we split. He tried to get me fired from my job. He falsely reported me to the authorities for numerous Bad Things. He damaged my home, my car, my property and my friendships. But now, several years on, I'm rid of the fucker and I'm still alive to tell the tale. Please, please, get rid and stay strong.

He's been ringing tonight, I've ignored and going to bed soon. I can't trust to let him in, I know he'll start again.
I just wish I had someone else here to be around if he comes, I've no one around who can call round easily.
Well I've got the curtains closed and bed soon, phone off.
I sent him a long text explaining how I can't be around him until he's had help of some kind and come off drugs. But still keeps ringing. I'd prefer a text to confirm he understands me

If he comes round do not open the door.
Tell him to leave. If he doesn't call the police.

Shitbags like this do not change. It isn't the drugs, it is him.

Bloody hell OP, do you even need to ask?!
Get rid immediately, stop all contact and consider yourself lucky you got away after 6 months!

A shitbag on cocaine. There will be no reasoning with him. NC and call police if he turns up. He's already caused criminal damage.

You are at serious risk, regardless of whether his paranoia is drug induced or a primary mental illness such as psychosis.
Get rid of him now, before you end up as yet another murder statistic.

Well done for not letting him in.

I'd prefer a text to confirm he understands me

You aren’t going to get one.

Block his number.

Stimulant psychosis is a thing. Cocaine can cause it. Additionally if he is using regularly he will be coming down frequently which can make you very irritable, and generally mimics some MH symptoms (low mood, etc). No way to know if its drugs or an underlying MH condition (or both) without him being clean. But it doesnt actually matter. He is dangerous and you need to leave.
There's a reason "coke-heads" have a reputation for aggression and violence.

An aqcuaintance had/has a problem with cocaine (perferated septum, etc). Its been about 5 years since they got clean...but only in the sense of not using very frequently. They will frequently relapse for shorter periods (not sure they see it like this) or use recreationally until it becomes prolematic and then stop again for a while. After 6 months you really dont want to commit to that....!

Contact the police, tell them you have dumped your abusive partner and he is harassing you. You should be able to get a non-molestation order which forbids this useless prick from coming anywhere near you.
And don't waste any time or effort feeling sorry for him or trying to help him. He's a waste of oxygen: with any luck he will overdose and kill himself and be out of your life that way.

I know exactly what your going through hun, my husband works from home and drinks all day I work in the evenings come home at about 12.40am to be told I'm having an affair and I'm a bad mum and a cold hearted bitch get l9cked out of my bedroom and my pillows thrown down the stairs that pretty much what it's like for me every night but he says I'm the one with the problem. To be honest get out while you can hun xx

Agreed agree agree with all the pp's. However, I wouldn't block his number. You need to document every call, every text. If he doesn't give up soon, call the police, show them the level of harassment. Do not let him back into ur house, or ur life op....he WILL get worse

I totally agree with AmazingPostVoices. Your boundaries are way too low. You should also enroll in a Freedom Programme near you.

Thanks everyone for answering. His actions far outweigh all his nice words etc. I suppose I feel bad for the person I thought he was,but he isn't really that person...I've been reading a lot about cocaine psychosis and it's pretty scary.
He said his ex cheated on him and he found out, but I wonder if she actually did or was it all in his mind.
I can't stand to feel controlled, second guessing what I say, do, buy etc. I was thinking of going to the police as apparently you can get a disclosure on someone under Claire's law...if you are concerned about the person.
Well I turned my phone off and went to bed last night and he hasn't been round or called that I know of.
@Alannab your reply was upsetting, I hope you can get out of it too.

Also, he says I act suspiciously around him, I guess I do these days because I'm guarded about what I say for fear of a reaction. I guess it makes me look like a liar, I don't know. And when I bought things, he would question that I actually bought them myself so I would like about the price...it's all just going round in my head I guess.

It might be worth contacting the Police and asking for the disclosure so that you can assess if you need to take extra precautions to ensure your safety (having a friend around, etc). I dont know much about it, except that you have to present yourself at a station in person. Even if you cant get the disclosure (or it comes back he has no history reported) it'll be worth it.

But dont assume he isnt violent if you dont get the disclosure or its clear. They cant record things that were never reported. And it also may be that he never has put hands on any ex...but if his drug use is getting heavier or his paranoia is getting worse then his behaviour may be escalating. And for every violent partner or ex partner there is a first time, so be cautious. If he turns up at your house, call the Police, etc.

You can’t be his saviour. Block his number and don’t answer the door. If he continues call the police. He will eventually find someone else to abuse, sadly.

Look, you don't live with him and you don't have DC with him. You can cut him out of your life completely - he has no right to any kind of contact with you. There are plenty of other men out there, but I suggest some counselling or at least a look at the Freedom Programme to see why you set the bar so low: a bullying, self-pitying cokehead? Any woman could do better than that.

This is 6 months in.
Please contact Womens Aid today - 0808 2000 247 or look up their local number to you.
Get on their next Freedom Programme as a matter of urgency.
Ask them for local counsellors in your area.
You really need to understand why you put up with this for so long.
He's a drug addict
He uses you
He's abusive
He smashes your stuff up
He smashed your car up
And you...!!???? Put up with it and let him back in.
You need to really understand what is going on with you.

Definitely get to the police station today and ask about Clare's Law regarding this low life scumbag.
And ask for their DV team while you are there.
Log with them all the incidents that have happened so far.
The phones, the car, etc.....
They can then put a priority on your address and when you dial 999 they will respond quickly.

This is escalating and you know it.
Now ignore him. Block him. Call the police if he threatens you in anyway and get this sick fuck out of your life - like NOW!!!!