Hi, me and my partner have been together 10 years. Not long after our second child was born we started having problems. He was carrying on as normal, not helping and I was run ragged with the new born, keeping the house running , taking care of our other child and working. My partner was at home less, taking more care of his appearance, on a diet and this was all out of the ordinary for him. At the time I didn't really notice as I was so busy trying to kp things going. I was exhausted. I was using his phone one day to check the time n just as I was checking the time a message came through at the top saying I love u. I threw the phone at him and asked him what was going on? At first he said it wasn't for him then it was but he didn't feel the same. Instead of coming after me to sort it he stayed in the bedroom and deleted all the messages to her and his best mate. I discovered it was somebody he had been teaching English too and all I knew befre that was her name but had no idea there was a 'friendship'. I managed to get her number befre I threw the phone at him and she said he was just a friend as he said something happen but that she did love him , want more and felt she had to tell him. I found it strange somebody just randomly messages somebody thy love them. She also had a lot to lose as she had a husband and daughter. Apparently this wasn't the first time she had told him. I asked him to end the 'friendship' which he wasn't happy about but did after a while. He said I was just jealous. He would still disappear and one night even took a shower at 1:30am and drove to his class which wasn't til the following morning as he 'couldnt sleep'. The class was like 20mins drive away. I never believed it was just a friendship but never actually saw any proof . I tried to get over it but he kept slipping up like saying 'maybe she had separated from her husband's. We tried to carry on n things were as ok as thy could be but then I discovered he had a new SIM card and less than 24,hrs after getting this he had messages from her. I discovered they'd been bk in touch for several weeks and he had been helping her translate her book, she had been helping him with his wrk. This time he refused to give up the friendship as he said I was controlling him. He eventually gave in .I found out she had separated from her husband, she tried to befriend his cousin on FB, she even gave herself a mini make over and was looking strangely similar to me. Hed gave me the impression he was happier with things with us but was telling her everything was still bad. Hes never shown any remorse and said he never slept with her so I should get over in .we've never been allowed to talk about it. After 7months he eventually admitted he missed speaking to her when there was no contact, he was happy when they were speaking again, he enjoyed sneaking around with her and found it exciting and that if he wasnt with me it would have developed into more. He had been discussing all our problems with her and they had been secretly speaking daily . Befre we had our second child we moved back to his country and now i feel trapped in a way as I have no money to leave and now we have another kid I can't go bk to my own country. All the while he was telling me he was going to fight for us I actually discovered in Feb that he had an account on tinder. He was only on it 'for curiosity'. He first said it was Google who uploaded his pics etc. I'm not an idiot. He's since lost aload of weight and his confidence has gone through the roof whereas mine is at rock bottom even though I'm the slimmest I've been in years. It doesn't help the fact that I can see this woman's pictures on the internet and although I'm pretty shocked he's gone for someone like her (nerdy)I can't help but compare myself. I know she's very intelligent and probably more suited to him. I just feel so betrayed and can't understand how someone can think this is completely ok. I know I need to find the strength and have more confidence in myself but it's so hard. I know he's never going to change n that I'm not just being an over jealous idiot. For a while I thought maybe it was my fault .
Sorry for the long story.
I just wanted to speak to people who are not close to the situation.
Any advice would be greatly received .
Thanks