Does it matter?

[Sensitiveornot]

I have name changed for this but have been about for a few years.

Almost as my name change suggests, I want to ask others about how they feel about 'public displays of affection'?.

I have been with DP for just over 2 years.

During that time we have lived together, but due to geographical logistics, we now live apart. But because of one of my job roles, I can see him once during the week and then the general idea is that we do alternative weekends.

Anyway that's the back history.

He has never been a person who does 'PDA' and we had discussed this earlier and I had raised concerns, as whilst I'm not a 'full' on PDA I do naturally gravitate towards someone I care about every now and again, with a bit of hand holding, or the occasional peck on the cheek and I always got rebuffed!

I understand that some might feel uncomfortable, so I gave up instigating this.

Last weekend we were out somewhere that was semi rural and he suddenly grabbed me to hold my hand and told me " I was so privileged that he would do so, but when someone saw us he would stop"

I was so shocked when he said it, that I wanted to tell him to F/ off!

I feel as though he was playing something out, but I don't know what?

I am more upset that he tried, than leave it as it was..

Ironically (or not?) he is massively wanting affection at home, but can't see why I sometimes struggle with that.

So, he told you he doesn’t like PDA, then suddenly initiated it and told you that you should feel privileged he’s done it, yet will stop if anyone comes by?

I’m torn here, because it sounds like he might have been trying to have ‘banter’ and that was his way of cracking a joke? Without knowing him and his sense of humour I can’t say for sure.

However, if this isn’t the case then I’d be pissed off with the “privileged” comment too.

Well it sounds rather odd to me. Neither DH or I particulaly enjoy PDA; however, in the early days of our relationship we would certainly hold hands and have the odd smooch here and there when out. We certainly wouldn't rebuff each other or say that the other is 'privileged' to receive such attention.

Also, I can imagine it must be hard to be with someone who is different to you in this respect - I know I would struggle to be with someone hugely into PDA but surely compromise is key, as with everything in a relationship, to keep both people happy. It sounds as though he is expecting it all his way, which just isn't right or fair.

I think he is being unreasonable and a bit odd about it. I can see why you are upset. I would personally have it out with him and tell him that he cannot reject you in public and then expect you to be all over him at home. It's not nice and upsets you, so it needs to stop.

You’ve discussed PDA in the past.

And he’s now told you straight out that you should feel “privileged” that he's done something which he knows is a thing that you like or is important to you.

Wow, yep you should have told him to fuck off.

He really thinks a lot of himself, doesn’t he.

Why would he stop when a total stranger saw you. Very weird.

I hate PDA, I mean really really hate it

I wouldn't have used the word priviledged but it would have been a major thing for me to do something like that and I might have mentioned it but more in a nice way than a horrible way

I can't see what he's done wrong other than using that word but maybe he did it in a banter type way as Royalschmuck said

I don’t think I’d even class holding hands as much of a PDA, it’s not like you’re asking him to snog the face off you in public.

Thanks for the replies

No, I’m not a massive PDA either, but I would say that this is the second time in 2+ years that he instigated a ‘handhold’.

It was the comment that went with it that made me and I feel as though he’s now made me feel as though I’m not good enough for him to show others (as unimportant as they are) that I matter to him. It’s the comment that upsets more than anything else- why bother with the action, if it is such a problem to him?

I agree...using the word privileged...as though your lucky to have him or he sees himself better than you in some way.

That would really bother me, but I'm not tolerate of those kind of comments.

Holding hands really isn't a display of affection IMO.

I’ve had a chat over the phone about this and the only thing he can offer as to why he did/say what he said is that his family don’t do PDA’s ( although when I have met his parents, they always hug and kiss). so he’s not used to it, but the other thing that came out was he said he felt “emasculated”?

Sandy I agree that holding hands is not exactly the biggest display of PDA.

I’m struggling a bit and wondering if he is actually showing me what he really thinks of me?

I know in comparison to some things in here, it seems insignificant, but it is ringing alarm bells.