Friend only person in world to be pregnant

[Kara86]

Hi, my friend is pregnant and I’m really pleased for her. The only thing is that since she’s found out she’s changed. She never asks how my dc is and only talks about herself. I listen and give her lots of advice and contact her lots to ask how her and bump are. The only things is she doesn’t ask anything about my life anymore and isn’t interested in how my young toddler is doing. i feel like it’s all one way. When I was pregnant I always asked her about her life and never acted this way but realise we are all different. She is acting like she’s the only person to ever be pregnant and when I mention anything else she will just blank it and end the conversation and this is becoming old fast. It’s like she can’t accept I have been through a pregnancy myself and wants to block out my child.

Has anybody experienced this before? i don’t understand it. Thanks.

A woman at my work is like this. We all
Can’t stand her. She is like this in everything though and not a nice person. She is loud and a conversation monopoliser. If you have been to Mars she has orbited Jupiter.

If she is your friend did she have any personality traits like this before?

Thanks for your reply @Dopplerineffect My friend could be abit selfish before but I guess none of us are perfect and I did generally get on well with her. Now come to think of it though when me and dh bought our house she went looking at bigger houses around the corner in the very same area with extra bedrooms and acting like they were buying it tomorrow. She went on and on about the show house saying that was the one and she’d driven around my new area with her sister and taken her to the viewing. These were houses she and her DB could not afford and they couldn’t get the mortgage for under half of that. She is a fantasist and will as you said anything anybody else had done she has or will do better. I think some traits have gotten worse since the pregnancy as she did always ask after my dc and seem alittle more bothered about people and their lives. Now it’s all her and I’m not sure how much more of a one sided friendship I can take. I feel like it’s a competition for her and anything anybody has done she and her DB will do it better.

Forgot to mention as well I’m not a show off kind of person and would never mention anything. For instance I downplayed my house and hardly mentioned my pregnancy and always asked after her and others. I’m very modest and have always been there for my friend. I let it go when she would say she was going to have the best looking babies and find the best looking man and would never settle. She ended up settling for an average man that most don’t think treats her very well (numerous arguments in early stages of the relationship) yet she talked him up like he’s the best man on the planet. I put up with all of this as I did like her; she had good qualities. When something goes wrong she comes back to herself and seems more down to earth but when her life is going well she turns obnoxious and materialistic or so it seems and can say some hurtful things. I just wonder if after the pregnancy she will regain some of her qualities or is this it for our friendship. I have known her for a decade.

You know she will carry on like this, don't you? Her child will be the cleverest, brightest, cutest etc etc for the rest of its life. The one saving grace is that yours is so much older.

I had a "friend" when my DD was a baby who was constantly comparing, but only where her DD was "better". My DD apparently was plain, not as quick as hers, hers was out of nappies first (and didn't she rub that in). It got very wearing very quickly. Luckily ours went to different schools or I'm sure hers would have been superior to mine there as well.

You'll need to decide whether you can put up with it for the long haul or bow out gracefully now.

How early is the pregnancy? I was terrified when first pregnant and talked a lot which may have come across selfish. It's calmed down now I'm nearly full term and feel more settled and secure. Also hormones are better.
If she's a close friend have u tried talking to her about it?

Thanks WeaselsRising, I think you’re bang on there. I do think this could continue and hoping it doesn’t. Yeah my dc is a young toddler at least but I’m hoping she doesn’t still compare by basktracking. Time will tell. I will have to see how she behaves later. Maybe one the hard work starts she will come back down to Earth. I really don’t think her boyfriend helps as he criticises everybody and is extremely volatile. He is rude to her family and everybody around her. I feel a lot of the negative traits have come out in her since she met him.

Spanglyprincess1 I hate confrontation and to be honest I’m absolutely useless at it and tend to be really soft with my friends which I realise isn’t right either. I would have a chat with her however in this instance if she wasn’t pregnant. I realise the hormones and nerves thing as I had it all my self less not too long ago; i have a 1 yr old. It didn’t make me behave as she is though and I haven’t seen any other people I know who’ve been pregnant act like this either. This is on another level.

once*

Weasels forgot to say that friend sounded awful. I wonder if this behaviour is caused by jealousy/insecurity on their part. I can’t understand why there’s the need to behave that way.

Has it taken her a long time to conceive? She may just be very nervous. I get you mention other instances but pregnancy is a strange beast. And every pregnancy is different

Hi Ubercornsdiscoball. That’s the thing it hasn’t taken her long; it actually happened straight away for her twice which was very lucky. She had an abortion after she got pregnant behind her boyfriend’s back (long story) and then tried again a year late and it happened straight away again like last time. He’s on board now which I’m pleased about for her sake. I guess you’re right pregnancy does different things to different people. I also think some of it is her DB and hope I get my friend back. I’m not hopeful.

This is just her personality. She is using you for ego supply. It’s all about her, you are invisible.

Some might say that is just the way she is, and “forgive” it...which is more of just being dismissive about it than really accepting it iyswim.

This will erode your self esteem eventually.
Do you look forward to seeing her? Or is there a kind of undefined dread, accompanied by a period of recovery from contact with her (ugg-how rude she was etc)?

I doubt she will have an epiphany and suddenly develop social intelligence. She is too self absorbed at this point and will be more absorbed focusing on her baby before anyone else.

If you don’t want to dump her then I suggest creating boundaries to protect your mental health. That sounds like a leap! To your mental health...but someone like this can be like an emotional vampire- sucking everything out of you but giving nothing back.

Thanks @AndTheBandPlayedOn I used to look forward to seeing her but now I never know what I’m going to get. For instance she came to see me when I was heavily pregnant and I made her a drink and brought her a piece of cake etc and in the middle of us talking (just about to eat the cake) she answered her mobile phone to her boyfriend (he often rings when he knows she has plans). I had no problem with her answering it but I was taken aback that she proceeded to talk to him for over half an hour where he made cheeky comments to the point I felt awkward and bored in my own home and walked out of the room. It was the second call he’d made and she’s answered twice. When she eventually said she had to go it wasn’t to for me it was to get home before the traffic for bad! I was reluctant to have her back, after my baby was born she visited and couldn’t have been nicer. This is what throws me off every time. Now she is pregnant the selfish side has came out again which is a shame. I haven’t seen her for awhile because she wanted to come over later in the evening in the middle of my baby’s bedtime routine and I said a weekend or any other time would be fine. Maybe she’ll understand better when her own baby is born.

got

Oh forgot to say there was no apology for taking the calls either.