Just been dumped out of the blue, please remind me it'll be ok

[MollyBloomYes]

Just that really. Wasn't seeing him for very long (few months) total out of the blue break up because he wasn't seeing us long term. Fair enough, can't really argue with that but ugh it still hurts.

I've been through far far worse (exh left when I was four weeks off giving birth) but I'm just a bit tired of dusting myself off and keeping on, not just romantically but in general-everything feels very one step forward, two steps back in terms of career, trying to find somewhere to live, family health etc. Basically it's been a shitter for a while and I could really have done without being blindsided by a break up!

Please, tell me stories of positivity, of things turning round when it all seems quite shit and rubbish. I'm fed up with just coping and want to actually enjoy my life (and yes, want to hope that I will find someone lovely although that seems a faint hope at the moment judging by the amount of guys I've met who don't want to date someone with kids. Which is absolutely their prerogative and I don't blame them for that but does rather narrow my options!)

Ugh. Just...ugh. Help me out with some good vibes!

I'm no thanks really going to be a beacon of positivity because my relationship is currently imploding BUT when I left my violent controlling ExH I couldn't answer whether I wanted tea or coffee and I just stared at walls for hours but it got better. And I hate shitloads of fun in the two years after. Going on dates, getting drunk with friends, I went to Barcelona and Norway. Had a passionate fling with a much younger man I was doing a Masters and retrained and getting a decent job was hard work. Actually looking back I had a whale of a time. In a month or two you'll start to see chinks of light.

It's a right pain in the arse to keep having to drag yourself through it but each time is a learning opportunity. You learn about yourself. What you want. What you don't. You sound ace. Brave, fun, you've been dating. That's all good. You will be fine promise.

Unbelievably I did a masters - you can't tell by the mistakes I made up there sorry!

Ha! It's fine, post writing is exempt from masters level rigour

And thank you, I know I will be fine, I was before I met him. But that relationship (short as it was) has made me realise just how bloody lonely I was and how actually, day to day life is a bit of a grind when you don't have someone to share some good bits with. I have friends and do lots with them but it's not quite the same.

And I'm very restless, desperately want to do...something. Travel, move to a different part of the country or whatever. But I'm very confined in what I can actually do because I have children. Bleugh, sure I'll be fine again soon, but being just 'fine' is starting to grate on me!

Yeah it's shit. Do you have your DC's all the time? I force myself to do my wanderlust in short bursts whilst my DC's are at their dads. I go on my own a lot. I'm off to a festival this weekend in London on my own - I quite like it. Always meet interesting people. Guess what they are mostly interested in? My DC's. They are always intrigued how a music loving, gig going, country hopping person has 3 DC's and a FT job. You can be more than fine. You are in control of your own life. My next aim is to get into cycling. Not for them men (no chance)

Hi Molly and FWD we should form a support club. I feel you both! My exH left 5 years ago... In that five years, I kept my head down and sorted out so many things - sold the marital home, bought myself and the DCs a new home (which is lovely btw!), my DCs are brilliantly well-adjusted and since January, I have got a brilliant job that I love!

But I haven’t met anyone in that time (wasn’t looking anyway!) but it’s near impossible to meet anyone half decent. I dated an older man who turned a bit psychotic on me. Hooked up with an ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago that should have definitely stayed at ex... and now I’m involved in a FWB arrangement that I want to end but can’t bring myself to! Argh!

I also have lots of lovely friends who I see and I travel with and without my children... but you are right, it’s nice to know someone is there for you who can cuddle you to sleep at night and be there for you... my friends keep saying how wonderful I am and how it (meaning meeting someone) will happen but I’m not 100% sure it will. And that makes me feel down and sad. Sometimes! So I feel you both!

It will be ok.. this has happened to me so many times [:-|] and I'm always shocked more than sad I think, and always at least a little bit relieved.

I know the feeling of restricted freedom so well. It makes it so hard, you're trying to shoe horn one thing into another thing and it can get to be a bit stressful and takes the joy out of being a parent and having somebody.

Cop and Twoboys yep, could have written both your posts! That's it exactly!

FWB yes I have an every other weekend arrangement so try to cram stuff in where I can though to be honest a lot of the time I feel like that childfree weekend is the only time I can catch up on things like laundry and tidying! I'm hoping that gets easier as my kids get older and I can actually leave them in a room to go do stuff without them knocking each other out (they're 2.5 and 4, such magical ages for sibling fighting 🙄)

Can I join the club? hopeful
No positivity here I'm afraid but I can commiserate. Separated a year ago from XH and felt nothing but relief to have broken free from that loveless, miserable existence.
About two months ago a guy I'd had a crush on asked me out... had a few lovely dates together; messaged every day, I felt so elated... then couple of weeks ago he decided to end it as he couldn't handle being in a relationship (I suspect it was more 'couldn't handle being with me'). I was absolutely devastated, cried loads (which I hadn't at all after splitting with XH!). Still feeling down about it. I'd done alright beforehand and I know I will be alright again, but now I definitely feel like something is missing?
Signed up with Bumble but I'm not really feeling it; OLD just isn't the same as meeting someone in real life and having some chemistry.

You’re looking at it the wrong way. Men don’t make you happy you d

Ugh sorry posted too soon.

You make you happy. Go and have fun. Go it with friends. Do things you have always wanted to and just enjoy life. The right one will come along

That's a weird thing to say to somebody right after they've been dumped if you dont mind my saying so @karigan1

Im happy alone and more emotionally independent than is usual given that im usualky single but you'd hardly be human if you didnt feel a bit of sadness at the loss of a person in yr life. In fact if u genuinely didnt care immediately after being dumped why bother going out with them!

Do you know Cop - that's one of the most sensible things I've ever read on here. And it's just made me feel a whole lot less silly about being utterly gutted that I've been dumped this weekend. Thank you xxx

I do make myself happy, I try and live as full life as two small humans will allow. Doesn't mean I don't want some companionship. It's a fucking slog being a lone parent and it was nice to have someone who made me feel that special kind of happy/excited that friends just don't quite do.

Plus the sex of course.

I'm not planning on finding a man just for the sake of finding a man. I want to make sure it's the right guy for my life and not just settle. But sometimes it's very bloody lonely waiting for the right one to come along

Good! Cos you shouldn't feel silly! I've been single for most of my adult life! I have a high bar, love myself, value myself, brave enough to go places alone, et cetera et cetera..... I've been in these shoes.

The person who ''dumped'' you (or whoever) was another human being, whose company you enjoyed and valued! Even if somebody leaves my work I miss them for a while! Til I get used to it!

So I find on threads like this that posters who assume that you're a bit of a sad dependent loser to feel a bit sad for a short while immediately after a relationship has ended are kinda missing that! The natural readjustment phase. Also, your thread title was ''remind me I'll be ok!'' so it's obviously that you know that it's true. You were just looking for a little pep talk. I have to roll my eyes at advice to get out there and make friends and do hobbies and love yourself! Like all of that turns you in to a robot!?

It will be OK. Just give it some time.

Molly Everything you write and feel, I am there with you. I really do have an amazing life and I feel so lucky sometimes. I am only missing the love of someone special and you are right, sometimes the waiting and longing for what everyone seems to have is so fucking hard!

I was after breaking up with someone and was really upset. my mothers friend was visiting and told me her story.

She is very old now, but when she was young, she was engaged to be married and he dumped her out of the blue, just before the wedding. Anyway, she was absolutely devastated and said she pined and was heartbroken for about 10 years after it happened. She thought she would never trust a man again. She met a really nice man and married him but still for years, she could not figure out what had happened with the ex fiancé. Why did he just drop her like that? Anyway life went on, she had children and about 30 years later she was at a dinner dance function thing and saw her ex fiancé there with his wife. He was drunk out of his head, in a complete state and abusing his wife in front of everyone.

She said in that minute she knew she had been saved from that life and was so grateful for her lovely husband.

That story helped me a lot at the time. Sometimes we don’t know why things happen but when we look back, it was a lucky thing!!

Cop you give excellent pep talks, thank you! It's so true as well, I've survived much much worse and know I'll be fine. I'm just bummed out and at the moment just tired of having to dust myself off! I will though (sigh )

3luckystars that was a good story to share. Entirely right too. I'm not very woo on most things but I do very much believe in things happening for a reason. Just wish those reasons didn't always have to come with a side of doldrums along the way!

Anyway, I went back on OLD tonight. Doubt I actually want to date right this very moment but thought it would at least cheer me to see there are options (sort of like going through the Argos catalogue when you were a kid). Kind of worked, so it's a start

Sorry Twoboys missed your comment-totally sucks doesn't it? I'm determined to keep on hoping but fully reserve the right to just feel a bit shit about things this week

Still, commencing potty training tomorrow with both children so that'll be a distraction