So angry with dp, just want to vent

[fedup1981]

Sorry this will be a long rant, I have to get it off my chest and I can't call anyone as he'll hear.

My arsehole dp is lying in bed asleep snoring his head off having left me in tears downstairs AGAIN.

He's such a lazy uncaring tosser. He says that I should be "less tired" (despite being 7 months pregnant) because apparently I sleep in til noon every day and "do nothing" around the house. (Because obviously rooms clean themselves)

Obviously my goal in life should be have a spotless house, perfectly crisp clean clothes hung in his wardrobe and his dinner on the table when he gets home, while simultaneously looking great and having interesting things to talk about every day when he gets home.

Of course the fact that I have no job, money or friends and the most excitement I get all week is the weekly shop doesn't factor into it, I should be ecstatically scrubbing his gussets every day and look forward to every weekend of staring at the back of his head while he watches tv/plays on the computer/generally sits on his fat arse and ignores me.

Woe betide I should ever ask him to DO anything, as I have no right as he works. And because he works (again, sitting on his arse in front of a computer, hardly manual labour) he's too tired to wash up/cook/put things actually into the bin as opposed to NEXT to the bin etc. And of course, weekends are his days off so I can't possibly ask him to do anything then either, can I?

He doesnt believe that I'm tired or achy, thinks I'm faking it, thinks I got pregnant so I don't have to work, and thinks that I got fired on purpose because I hate work. Despite the fact that I've had to borrow money from my family and I'm selling half my belongings this weekend to try and keep us afloat. Yes, I much prefer that!

He does NOTHING for me, EVER. Doesn't ever cook a single meal, not even a sandwich, doesn't do anything around the house or take me anywhere, never buys me ANYTHING ever (even when we had money he didn't) he works in IT but won't fix my computer, won't ever rub my back or do anthing thoughtful or express any interest in the baby, but it's all ok because he says he loves me. And that should be enough!

I just feel like he doesn't give a flying fuck about me or the baby, he isn't going to help when the baby is here, and doesn't see anthing wrong with his behaviour. In fact he feels he does too much! I know he'll come down in a bit refreshed, and ask me if I'm "still being moody for no reason".

All he really cares about is films and music and playing games, and having toys like remote control cars, and I'm the miserable drag who worries about the bills, the household stuff and our future with the baby.

I feel like I've been forced into the role of his Mother, except that I just want to punch him in the face for being such a selfish uncaring bastard.

Xenia - I think that the problem is probably getting somebody to employ you at 7 months pregnant.

Is he nice to you sometimes Banana?

I was snapped up at 5 months pregnant though at one point. Depends how in demand your skills are but don't let me deflect the thread.

God I hope you don't have a girl, because in 25 years she will turn round and say "It's OK if he treats me like shit Mum, I won't be the first woman to be treated like shit, so it's fine. Besides, you did it and you are ok."

Or if you have a boy and he treats some young future girlfriend like your DP treats you..
It's only gonna get worse after baby's born, do something now

"Sadly, I'm with him because I find him funny and interesting, I care about him and want to make him happy".

Banana,

Who are you, his Mother?. The comment above is so fatuous it breaks my heart. He does not want to make you happy does he; just control you and your every waking moment.

All this "man" (I use that term advisedly because his ex called him a hairy cheating chav and she's in all likelihood right) has done is run down your self esteem to nothing. His ex wasted 8 years of her life with him and now you're doing the same. You are now exactly where he wants you - he's just a cocklodger/immature manchild who just wants someone/anyone to take over where his own Mother left off. A mug (sorry but to him you are only this) like you fits the bill entirely.

He may be "funny" and "interesting" to other people but he's emotionally abusive to you. He has no respect for you at all; the more you run around after him the less respect he has. Abusers also are very plausible to the outside world. You are in an abusive relationship and for your sake as well as that of your unborn child's you need to get out now. I do not advocate such things lightly but if you think your life is crap now just wait till your child is born and see what he's like then.

You have also kept yourself going since your Mum died; you need support for your own self from CRUSE. Cannot for one minute believe that he actually gives a fig about you because he simply does not.

You can get out of this so called relationship if you want to; you can get help to get out if you want to (CAB is a good place to start). The choice is ultimately yours but at least if he was not in your life 24/7 he would not be calling you a c for not getting his cigarettes for him. How would you have felt if your child heard him say that and your child starts copying because he/she will pick up on all this. Life on your own with a child is preferable to what you have now. At least you will be your own person.

Wake up banana and see him for what he really is - a controlling abuser. Your life can only get worse under his rule.

fedup...do we share the same husband????

My friend has finally (yay!) got out of her controlling relationship after a number of years. Her life is now on the up since she left him after many ups and downs post leaving. She's going to buy herself a house and has enrolled for a college degree course. Doing a college degree course is something her husband would never have allowed in a million years.

Imagine how tired you are now, then times it by ohhh let's see, 10? It's 3am on a saturday night, you've been up for over an hour, your "partner" (you know the one who is meant to help and support you and help you) is fast asleep snoring, you think about going to ask him to take over just for a bit, but you know what the answer will be, but you're so tired and baby is wide awake, everytime you go to put her/him down he screams he just wants to be cuddled because he's only a few days old and doesnt realise it's 3am, you're tryingt o recover from giving birth and you just feel so shattered you can hardly think straight, you finally decide its your "partners" turn as it's his child too so you ask him and you get "fuck off you cunt, I'm tired!!!! Shut it up will you so we can all get some sleep"

Then what?

I don't want to scare you, not every night will be like this but even if you are on your own at least then you wont be shouted at when you're already tired and stressed, you can sleep in thge day and not worry about the mess, the dinner etc, you and your new baby can have the space you need to get to know each other without having an arsehole there making your life harder. It's hard enough and unless he is going to support and help you then get now before you have a baby to take with you as well.

agree totally LMG. How are you feeling today banana?

are the feelings you are having now what you thought marriage and finding the one was going to be like??

you and your unborn child are worth more than your weight in gold and if your dp cannot/doesnt see it then you really should leave.

it breaks my heart reading peoples stories on here how they are going through hell within their relationship but the threads that make me smile are the ones from women who finally realise that they are worth more than they are getting and so they have gotten out.

i thank my lucky stars that i had the shitty crap relationships where my confidence was non existant and im glad i had to be a single parent to my son because now i have found my husband and im in a relationship that is positive, loving, healthy, honest, secure and it makes me walk on air. looking back all of my depression bouts were when i was in a destructive relationship. but now i am with dh even the money problems or kids playing up or the bad luck we have had with his flat is all taken in our stride. i adore him, he worships me and we respect each other. without respect any relationship is doomed!!!

good luck with your situation - i think you need some self confidence boosting to realise how worthy you really are!!!