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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sorry for my ex's partner!

9 replies

bitzy12 · 29/05/2018 17:21

They've been together about 2 years and my ex (have 2 dcs with him) told me the other day that they had split up in a message.

I'm genuinely sad about it! She was lovely and great for my dcs. Granted she hadn't been in their life long but I had a good feeling about her and never once felt that 'threatening feeling' that I know does exist when a new partner comes into dcs lives.

I didn't ask why they split, not my place and no reason too. Just replied back with 'sorry to hear that'

Anyway my dcs are with their dad for half term. I say with their dad, more like their grandad (ex's dad) as ex never takes time off work to have them.

Dcs grandad is always putting videos and pictures of the dcs on fb which I don't mind as I'm friends with him and it's nice to see what they are up too. I always 'like' them or 'love' them so to speak.

He's put a few pics and videos on over the last few days and I've noticed that dcs dad's ex (if that makes sense!) has also 'loved' them all and commented some lovely things on the post. Which again just makes me sad as it's clear to see she did think a lot of my dcs. They thought a lot of her and her ds also. They have a holiday booked for August which my dcs are excited for though no idea if they will still go now - but obvs that's not my place to get involved either.

Anyway I've been abit nosey and had a look at her profile and she's shared a couple of things that make me think that my absolute twat of an ex has gone and cheated on her just the same way as he did me. We've been separated 5 years, he's mid thirties now, still lives at home with his mum and dad. I really thought she might of changed him and surely he would of learnt by now. But clearly not. She has her own place, good job, nice car, well grounded, lovely little boy. Was always nice and polite to me when I saw her and also always buying my dcs little treats (only packs of sweets, comics etc) but she really made the effort with them. My eldest dc is autistic and she wasn't phased by that and even asked me about what she could do for my ds in a drop off one time. That ment the world to me seen as his own dad (twat of an ex) never even bothers to ask how his son is doing!

I just feel so angry at him for treating her (though I really don't have any proof but judging by the things she's shared and what her friends have said, he has) like he did me. He used to physically cheat and also register himself on sex websites and talk to women online. He's done the same to her.

I just feel so bad for her as she is very nice from what I know of her and she's clearly heart broken. I'm not going to message her or anything. I'm not going to say anything to twat of an ex either as it will only make me look like a weird stalker but I had to let it all out somewhere. And Mumsnet is the place for it lol.

Next relationship he gets in, I really want to say I don't want this person around my dcs as it more than likely will not last. But I know I can't as I don't have any right too. I hate cheaters like my ex!

There are actually no questions to my post, I don't need any advice...except for maybe asking am I mad that this has made me angry?

I am now happily married and expecting dc3 by the way. Absolutely no feelings for twat of an ex whatsoever.

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 29/05/2018 17:52

Sorry to hear that, OP. You both sound lovely. Can you strike up a friendship with her and bond over ex's villainy?

0range99 · 29/05/2018 17:56

Oh that is a bit crap. Do the DCs have a birthday coming up? Maybe you could invite her son (assuming ex won't be there)?

blaaake · 29/05/2018 18:27

Haha. Many of my mates have come from a common ex! It's funny really. You both sound great, I like the suggestion of inviting her ds to a party or even a play date. You could say that they're missing her/him?

bonnyshide · 29/05/2018 18:39

She'll miss your DC too, perhaps you could reach out and meet up with her, so your DC can stay in touch with her a bit to make the transition a bit easier.

At the very least I'd be making contact just to thank her for all she did for your DC and saying they'll miss her and wishing her well in the future.

bitzy12 · 29/05/2018 19:47

They don't live close unfortunately, about an hour 30 min drive so an invite to parties probably wouldn't be practical for them but I would invite them.

I could send her a message though, I have no contact details for her at all, the only thing i could do is message her on fb which I suppose I could do. I wouldn't know what to say really but maybe she would appreciate it x

OP posts:
ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 29/05/2018 20:02

Even if you don't become friends, it would be a really nice thing to do to let her know that you noticed and appreciated all her kindness to your children and that you were glad she was in their lives. She might need a little boost right now.

SandyY2K · 29/05/2018 20:12

Some people never stop cheating. I would reach out and thank her for everything she did if you can.

MissVanjie · 29/05/2018 20:17

“Even if you don't become friends, it would be a really nice thing to do to let her know that you noticed and appreciated all her kindness to your children and that you were glad she was in their lives. She might need a little boost right now.”

Exactly this. What a shame for your dcs. And i suppose, for your ex? He sounds like a total twat but there is something sad about ppl who never ever learn from their mistakes. Flowers

bitzy12 · 29/05/2018 22:07

Yes you are all right, that is the right thing to do....and also the truth. I did really just appreciate the way she was with my dcs. I'll message her tomorrow. Just something short and simple.

To be fair....she's better off without him. I put up with his cheating for a long time so if she's ended it, I admire her for not letting him take her for a mug like I was. Fingers crossed she finds the person she deserves x

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