Does anyone know these sites (hookups?)

[Sweetandkind]

NC for this.
Don't feel i can trust husband...I found he's been looking at live jasmine, a whore next door, xhampster and local matures club. He doesn't go out much in the evenings so i can't see how he's meeting people. Has anyone heard of these sites?

Just seen he's used something called hookups online too. That sounds like he must be trying to meet people.
We're not in a good place but he promised he wasn't being unfaithful. Married 19 years.

Xhamster is a porn site like pornhub, and Live Jasmin always seems to be the advert that pops up on most porn sites.

I’ve never directly visited Live Jasmin but if DH looked at my history (though he wouldn’t invade my privacy like that) he might think I have due to it popping up while browsing pornhub/xhamster etc.

Not sure about the other two though. But I frequently visit Xhamster and get pop up ads from Live Jasmin but I’ve never cheated or even looked elsewhere.

Xhampster is porn. The others sound like porn pop ups.

Thanks. The sites are in his browsing history a lot in the last couple of months. I don't mind porn but not live porn or messaging. Don't know whether to speak to him. It's just he recently said white lies are different to real lying and it's made me suspicious 😔

Yes, Live Jasmin is pop up - easy to click on by mistake

Well, I watch porn and the majority of pop up adverts are for live porn and hook up sites, but like I say I’ve never directly visited them myself and would never even consider it.

Hmmm, if you pull up the browsing history can you get any idea what sort of areas of these sites he's been accessing? Like do any of the link have "messages" in them or "profile" or anything like that? I'm afraid I don't know anything about those sites themselves, but if he's organising meetings he'd have a profile and be sending/receiving messages I'd imagine.

Also are there any links in the history to Craigslist or an email server you might not know he has an email with?

Might "just" be porn....

On the "white lies aren't real lies" thing, have you tried telling him that to you white lies are just as bad? And they if there's anything he's not telling you then you will treat that exactly the same as if he'd lied to your face. So he'd better think about coming totally clean because if you find out something all by yourself you will be going absolutely spare, regardless of whether he thinks it's a white lie or not?

Tardis by pop up, do you mean they would show in browsing history even if he didn't open them? We are doing couples councelling and he was asked if he is looking elsewhere. He did hesitate but said no. However, he has form for lying and then twisting it...I end up so confused I don't know what to think.

by pop up, do you mean they would show in browsing history even if he didn't open them?

Yes, OP. They will show in his browsing history even if he didn’t choose to open them himself.

I have never opened or visited Live Jasmin, but because it pops up an advert while I’m browsing porn sites, my browsing history would say I had.

Oh great. So he might not have visited a whore next door, or hookups online. There were days when only live jasmin or hookups online are in history though. But i guess they'll pop up anytime given his porn browsing history. I know i should ask him but it'll send him into a rage if i do.
I'm not proud of looking btw. I'm just so uneasy atm.

RatRolyPoly I've told him that to me
Lies are lies. I asked him how he'd define a lie as 'white' but he wouldn't be drawn in 'to a stupid discussion on it'.
I said that if we are going to work on us, we must be honest.He says we just have to disagree on it. But it makes me wonder what else is a white lie.

One of the live jasmine references mentioned message but i couldn't see one. I wouldn't kniw how. Honestly in all the 30 years ive known him, this is the first time I've felt the need to snoop. He just seems so evasive and 'shifty'.

One of the live jasmine references mentioned message but i couldn't see one.

There’s lots of fake “you have a new message!” or “you have 1 message!” on Live Jasmin and similar pop up sites, OP. They’re used as a way to try and entice people to sign up.

How often in a day do they pop up?

I meando they just show up once or twice or is there multiple links like

LiveJasmin | Hello hottie
liveJasmin | Katia

Or is it more like

Livejasmine | katia
LiveJasmin | Sexy_Susana
LiveJasmin | ...
LiveJasmin | Sign up
LiveJasmin | hellosexy112
LiveJasmin | ...
LiveJasmin | ...

So basically tens of links?
Same with the others?

“I know I should ask him, but I’ll send him into a rage if I do”, oh, OP
That’s the problem. He gets to do what he wants, tells lies, and if you challenge him, he gets into a rage.
He doesn’t sound very nice.
You don’t sound happy with him, with or without his porn and pop up sites. I hope you are ok and are evaluating your life and considering your future happiness.

Hotsauce thankyou, i am evaluating my relationship. He has some childhoid trauma which he believes causes the rages and manipulation. He's had some therapy but it's focused on the past rather than his patterns if behaviour with me. He's exploring (reluctantly) doing more therapy.

In terms of the pop ups, its not everyday, but a few pop ups of each site, a few times a week.

But it makes me wonder what else is a white lie.

Yes, it would me too OP. I wouldn't want to be at the mercy of what truths he might think were worth telling me. I think most people would rather decide for themselves what's important to them in their relationship than have someone decide that for them.

Given that you're in counseling and supposedly working on your relationship I don't much like the sound of his attitude :(

Has something specific happened to spark all this off? I don't blame you for a second for looking OP, it's your life afterall

Have you told him you are unhappy? That you need to have a difficult conversation without him losing his temper?
If it scares you, have you told him so?
Different thing, but I’ve had a temper and used to thump things around the flat I shared with my lovely best mate. She told me calmly that it upset her. I got a hold of myself and didn’t do it again.
Now and again (can’t remember the last time), I’ll have a “strop” (moaning in a shitty way, not screaming or thumping stuff) and my DS’s and DH find it comical and piss themselves laughing at me and I laugh too.
If someone has a temper and still has it as they get older, they should be learning how to get a handle on it, it shouldn’t upset their nearest and dearest, it should be that everyone can just get over it in that they aren’t scared.
I really hope you aren’t living in fear with someone who frightens you.
Are you safe with him? Does he make your life better?
You can’t control his behaviour, only your own, and that behaviour might be one if improving your own lot without him. He’s your nearest and dearest, the one you turn to when you need to feel safe and it’s all going to shit. Sustain your own happiness, or make moves to do so in the near future.

There's been a period if stress with dcs undiagnosed illness. Not life threatening but life changing. He has maintained a head in sand approach and just gets cross if i need to reach out. He's happy for me to go to friends to deal with the stress. I do all the difficult appointments. Then he tells me I'm not dealing with it very well.
I have become much more resilient and he knows exactly how i feel. I wantsme to be more empathatic to his diffult childhood (he's 50). It wasnt good but there was no physical or sexual abuse. Parents just didnt cope well and divorced. Didn't see his dad in his teens.
He thinks i shouldn't be scared as he's never hit me. But i have had to back away often. I never actually shout back. That really wouldn't be safe. I let things die down. But if i try and bring it up to resolve it, say how i feel, he'll go straight back to angry. The councellor thinks he needs therapy before we make any big decisions.
I just don't like the thought of him saying the right things but using dating sites (only white lies).

So you feel he would hurt you if you shouted back and didn’t back off? Wouldn’t you be happier without him? What does he bring to the relationship?

He says he wouldn't and has proved that as he never has hit me, but i know i adapt my behaviour, especially around dcs as i don't want then to witness any rage. Tbf, he's pretty good at staying controlled when they are near, but I'm very vigilent to the risk of triggering him.
I'm having therapy and I'm probably codependent from childhood bullying. I now understand how i slowly got into this unhealthy state of a relationship but it's as if i need validation that leaving is the right thing. I don't want to upset the dcs. I also dont ever want another relationship so i will be alone.

OMG, you've made me think perhaps that's why I might be relieved that he's strayed- so i would have reason to end it. Honestly, i think I'm that pathetic that only an affair or physical attack would give me enough 'reason'!

He’s got you well trained not to react and to think badly of yourself.
If you are relieved, then I am glad for you to have an ostensible reason. Make sure you get your evidence secured before you take action.

I hope I'm not trained😔. I don't know what i am. Just desperate for the answer to life.

How are you doing? Have you found anything else out? Hope you are feeling stronger.