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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure how to cope anymore

2 replies

nlfmn · 28/05/2018 11:29

I was with my partner since I was 23. I am now 40, he is the same age. Our ralationship suddenly ended at the start of this year when he told me he no longer wanted to be with me. We seperated but kept in touch.

We ended up getting back together in march but it did not last when he said it would never work so I moved away.

I am now renting a one bedroom flat and i am so lonely. My brain is having a hard time going from a loving relationship to being alone with no contact from him at all. I didnt do anything wrong to cause the relationship to break down.

I am so lonely. Everyday is the same. I wake up alone. Get through the day and go to bed alone and i am finding it hard to cope. The relationship we built for so many years has gone. The future we will now never have. I keep thinking back and cant think of a reason why it wouldnt work. we bearly even had an argument in the time we were together. Its not only that i feel i lost a friend too. He is not there for me anymore to talk to when i need a shoulder. He is just gone.

Mutual friends have said he is not with anyone else and has said he is miserable without me so i just dont understand. I feel i cant move on because i dont even know why it ended apart from it will never work out between us.

I did contact him the other night and he was cold and distant with me so i blocked him. I have no idea why he has changed so much towards me in such a short space of time.

I break down and cry all the time. Everything reminds me of him/us.

How do you go from being with someone for so many years to being totally alone? How can I start to get over it and move on?

OP posts:
pallasathena · 28/05/2018 11:32

You 'fake it 'till you make it', that's what I did and after a time it began to work. And be kind to yourself.

fluffyrobin · 28/05/2018 11:53

Start by organising things to do and places to visit so you have something to look forward to.

If you really hate your job and place you live you could jack it all in and go travelling.

I think give yourself a time limit for wallowing in self pity and then go out and do everything you've ever wanted to do.

If you find yourself not wanting to do anything and feel depressed then go to your gp and tell them so they can help.

Well done for blocking him but you need to stop including him when you circle your orbit and have new things to explore and spend time thinking about instead.

Check out online what's in your area or go the whole hog by doing something exciting and different. Having no ties is a huge bonus for reinventing yourself.

Heartache has been the catalyst for a lot of works of art, poetry, music and literature.

Hopefully you can see some optimistic seeds of change from the devastation x

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