Please help, Dh abusive ex and our DSD

[sadlady12]

My DH has been divorced 6 years, adorable DD aged 12, we are all happy .

His Ex W has been relentlessly unpleasant, aggressive, abusive and threatening for years.

We see no signs of it abaiting,. He is calm, civil, polite.

We are very worried now about the impact on DSD who is becoming aware of her mother's hatred/behaviour.

Has anyone use solicitors to communicte through or used a court order?

We are so scared of court and don't want this to get worse but it must stop .

Many thanks.

I think your OP IS a bit nonspecific which won't get you very far either here or in court. What is it you want to happen differently from what she wants to happen

As Yokatsu has said, I think the advice will vary depending on what you want to achieve.

A court is unlikely to vary the residency arrangements unless (a) your DSD is old enough (10ish) to make a clear choice and wants to change things. Bear in mind that as soon as Mum thinks that’s on the radar she’ll undoubtedly start exerting more emotional pressure on her daughter to stay with her.

Or (b) your DH can prove that his relationship with DD is being harmed (or DD’s emotional development is being harmed) by his ex’s actions. Even if you have proof for (b) it would, unfortunately, be a very high hurdle to get over.

IME the court will favour the Mum to the point of falling over themselves to do so. Particularly if she’s had the majority of residency over the last 6 years.

If you’re trying to get her to stop harassing you both then the police would probably be a better route to go, although that’s clearly not going to go down well with her. If you want to try the court route then you’ll need to start logging the behaviour and any incidents, plus any comments your DSD makes which would point to what her Mum’s doing.

May I recommend a book called "Say Goodbye To Crazy"

Unfortunately it will involve a commitment from both you and your partner to put a stop to her influence, but having been in your situation, it's possible to turn around if you both are aiming to the same end goal.

Thank you so much for the book rec. We have ordered it. I cied just reading tbe extract! We can do this.

@sadlady12 Be prepared for the situation to get worse before it gets better... but short term pain for long term gain You can do it You have my full sympathy 🙈

Thank you. Yes i am. She will up the ante to try snd get us to respond and give her attention but we will be strong..

With you in spirit. OH's abusive ex has plumbed depths I didn't realise existed in her efforts to get at him. Hope things get better for you xx

Hi there
I have been taken to court 4 times in the last 8 months by my stbxh regarding child issues, he is continuously abusive, rude and aggressive towards me, we have a new court order which im hoping will really help with this situation, but who knows.

I think there are probably a lot of things you can do to help yourself but obviously a lot of it depends on the nature of the abuse, eg is she trying to restrict contact? Is she difficult practically or is it just emotionally?
I try to make most contact collection and drop off at school (to avoid us meeting) as its just really unhealthy for the children and for me. We have a communication book and avoid all other forms of communication. I bar him on my phone at the times he doesn't have the children and only unbar him when he does have them. I tell him the most bare essentials, this is sad but anything else just results in him trying to control me.

If he does drop off at my house i try to make sure someone is here with me and i avoid going out to get my children. I allow him to bring them to the door and basically keep physically away from him. He also brings his girlfriend for extra intimidation, i ignore her and dont rise to any of his bad behaviour.
Read up about going "Gray rock". It needs to be like a business arrangement so keeping anything personal out of things is always best