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Original poster

Been asked out for dinner by an ex

29 replies

Sillysausage12345 · 28/05/2018 07:53

Morning,

Quick poll I guess, I’ve been asked out by an ex from a few years ago... we didn’t end of bad terms and it would be nice to have a chatch up but this goes along with my other post about how I don’t want to upset my male friend who I have feelings for but don’t think it will work at this time... he is likely to get funny as it’s the sort of bloke he is. Wants me to himself but doesn’t want to commit blah blah blah

do I go for the dinner date? I guess I’m not doing anything wrong but my heart it laying with someone unavaible and the moment.... 😩.

Bloody god dam feelings!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/05/2018 08:01

I would give this other male friend of yours who you have feelings for a wide berth because there are red flags re him already; this, "he is likely to get funny as it’s the sort of bloke he is. Wants me to himself but doesn’t want to commit blah blah blah" Why settle for such crap from a man?. You are worth more than that.

Your boundaries seem to be very low in relationships and need raising. Same with your ex; ex's are ex's often for good reason too. Neither are right for you. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?. It may be time to completely reassess all that you have learnt about relationships to date.

Original poster
Sillysausage12345 · 28/05/2018 08:05

It’s only dinner I won’t be marrying the bloke... we’re in the same social group and only went on a few dates a number of years ago wasn’t anything serious.

I have high boundaries for your information, I don’t share myself around and have been single for months and haven’t been near a bloke in that time either.

I’m mates with both of them can’t see the harm in staying that way.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/05/2018 08:12

Someone is going to get hurt here OP and its most likely to be you. One of these men does not just want to remain mates with you. He wants you all to himself but does not want to commit. Being mates with ex's is often a recipe for trouble and they are ex's for good reason.

Original poster
Sillysausage12345 · 28/05/2018 08:55

I’m unlikely to get hurt, these men aren’t complete arseholes I’ve known both of them for years and years and am fully aware of what they are like.

It is just a dinner date with a guy I went on a few dates with a number of years ago, we’ve stayed in touch so it would be nice to have a catch up. My other friend is protective over me and of course wouldn’t want me to get messed about but if he wanted to be with me then he would be.

At the end of the day I’m single, I won’t be jumping into bed with either of them any time soon and to be honest I don’t Plan to with anyone for a while.

Thanks for your view but making judgments on my boundaries is a little unfair I think.

Hope you have a nice day. X

OP posts:
sadandtired1 · 28/05/2018 08:59

Why ask if you don't want the answer? Atilla is right.

Your male friend sounds like an arsehole. Doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. Arsehole

If you want to have dinner with your ex, do it. If you don't, don't.

Mrsfluff · 28/05/2018 09:00

I'm not sure why you are asking, as you seem to have already made your mind up that you'd like to go to dinner.

Chocmallows · 28/05/2018 09:03

"Quick poll", but you have to agree with me or your vote isn't counted?

I'm with the others this sounds wrong.

Sametimesameplace · 28/05/2018 09:05

You’ve already decided and sound very defensive so not sure why you asked.

Xiolablueviolet · 28/05/2018 09:06

Given the invite alone has caused advice to be sought from the internet, I agree with the above posters. Drama.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 28/05/2018 09:11

LOL why ask when you've already decided what you're going to do?
I kind of agree with atilla.

category12 · 28/05/2018 09:20

Um, at least be honest with yourself - you have 'feelings' for your 'friend'. And he doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you. That's not friendship.

MMmomDD · 28/05/2018 09:52

OP - if I were you - i’d not worry this much.
This Ex - isn’t really much of an Ex - a few dates in a past that didn’t turn out to be a relationship by the pine if it.
You are single - so live as a single person. See whoever you want to see. Do or do not do - whatever

Your other indecisive friend - let him be there. You can’t put your life on hold for him. You told him you have feelings for him. And now the ball is in his court.
And, in a way - while you are waiting around for him - nothing needs to change.
If you started moving on and seing other people - he might wake up.

Pandora79 · 28/05/2018 09:56

Forget the the guy who doesn't want to commit.

He shouldn't factor into this at all. He doesn't even need to know. He is a friend. That's it.

I get the feeling though, you would want him to know. Are you hoping it spurs him on to committing to you?

Original poster
Sillysausage12345 · 28/05/2018 11:30

Thank you for the last few comments these are my feelings towards the whole thing. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillysausage12345 · 28/05/2018 11:35

Oh no I don’t want to spur him into anything, he is who he is and he can do what he likes with who ever, who am I to say anything.

I just think why should I not go? This guy is a nice person who’s asked me out, so why not go?

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 28/05/2018 11:39

Why are you asking? You've already decided and you're not interested in other people's perspectives.

LeChatDeNuit · 28/05/2018 11:46

You sound like a drama queen

Pandora79 · 28/05/2018 11:56

You haven't given any reason to not go. So go.

The only vague reason is some numpty. If you don't want to spur him on into action.....why would he even enter the equation. You want to go, so go.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 28/05/2018 12:48

So you didn't want a poll you just wanted people to confirm a decision you already made?
Ok then.
No reason why you shouldn't go out with the ex but your male friend sounds like a dick.
Enjoy your date!

SandyY2K · 28/05/2018 12:54

Why ask when your mind is made up?

RLOU88 · 28/05/2018 13:05

I would like a poll on whether to have the jacket potato or tuna sandwich for lunch. Jacket potato’s in the oven and should be ready in 5.

Chocmallows · 28/05/2018 14:15

RL have the tuna sandwich hun.

SuperSkyRocketing · 28/05/2018 20:16

RLOU88 😂

You summed this thread up perfectly.

another20 · 28/05/2018 20:27

The one you fancy, but doesn't fancy you sounds v controlling - dressed up as "protective" - how v odd. Why would you even tell him you had a date - its none of his business, he sounds like a dick? What are you getting out of all of this drama?

MMmomDD · 28/05/2018 20:34

OP - I don’t mean - start dating others HOPING that it’ll make your indecisive friend to take action.
I just said - who knows. It just might.
And then again - you just might meet someone you are interested in more than him.

Waiting around for anything or anyone isn’t a way to live.
So - don’t