Should I say something?

[nearlysummer2018]

Hi. This is a bit embarrassing and I'm probably going to regret this.

My DH and I have been ttc for a few years now since the birth of our DC. It's been unsuccessful this far and there's been talk of menopause and low morphology and the like bandied about. Long story short we are just keeping on trying every month and hoping for the best.

Needless to say sex is sometimes not that or exciting like when we were new and young (and not worried about waking a child up downstairs!). However last night it HURT like was the most painful ever. I squealed a bit I think and moved. However the desire for a baby is so strong right now that I kept going and eventually it was ok and things were in the right place.

Anyway it's so painful today and I was actually bleeding this morning still when I went for a wee. Should I say anything? Is there a way to stop it happening again?

It's never happened before and I know he would be mortified to know what has happened. I worry if I tell him he'll lose all confidence (he's not at all confident in the bedroom no matter how much I try to build him up). It wasn't his fault but I worry we are doing something wrong.

Should you tell your husband that you’re in pain and bleeding after sex?

Why would you not?! He’ll be concerned about you, rightly so, and hopefully be thoughtful and make sure you’re okay.

Please see your GP, it’s not normal and you need to get seen.

Hope you’re alright

OP - given how he is - i’d not tell him. Not like he can help you, really.

But - i’d go and see a GP and have it checked out.
Also - I’d see a fertility specialist. If you have been trying for a few years unsuccessfully - it’s time to check it out and see if you need to be helped along somehow.

Firstly you need to head to the drs to figure out what is causing the pelvic pain. Tell your husband, it’s his job to support you x

@AnneLovesGilbert I am worried about telling him because he would be mortified he had hurt me and it would destroy his confidence.

We have already seen a dr and a fertility specialist but we already have a child so we don't get help. They think I'm menopausal and DH has been tested as having low morphology so our only choice is to keep trying.

I don't need to see a dr for pain and bleeding after sex because the reason for pain and bleeding is that my DH isn't experienced with sex and tried to force his penis into me wrong and when it didn't work just tried harder. As I said I squealed and then I moved and eventually it worked but the damage had been done.

As I said earlier we both super want a baby and so that was the reason I continued and didn't just say forget it. What I want to know is how to prevent this from happening again and if there's any way that's ttc safe to stop it.

My DH is very prudish sometimes and, whilst we do have sex, he cannot discuss it with me and I worry this would destroy his confidence and mean he wouldn't try again. I think he was scarred for life when we had our DC because it was a difficult birth.

“I don't need to see a dr for pain and bleeding after sex“

Actually you should. It can be a sign of cervial cancer. It’s also very common during menopause.

@Aus84 if you read what I said it's because something went wrong and it was my DH trying to force his penis in. Now it's healing it's not bleeding and it hurts less. It was an injury and a dr won't want me tone wasting.

So I told him. He's devastated and won't sleep with me now even though I said it was ok. I just don't know how to help him and that's the end of ttc as he was the most important part of the process.

This happened to me! It was a milestone birthday and my DP got a bit enthusiastic and went in at a weird angle. I made him stop as I felt a gush and when we turned the bedroom light on it looked like someone had been murdered. I ended up in AnE with internal stitches. I'm pretty sure my boss thought I was making it up to have an extra day off work after my bday.

He shouldn't let it dent his confidence, happens to the experienced ones too!

Thank you. I've tried telling him it was my fault too and that we just got the angles wrong. I don't know if there's a way to prevent it except try try again.

OP - just out of curiosity - why did you feel a need to tell him?
You already knew what his reaction would be.
What response did you expect?

As to the way to prevent it. If it was truly him hitting a wrong spot - then I’d say - next time - if you feel discomfort at a certain angle/move - don’t push through. Change the angle, etc.

And - if there is still some pain a few days after - sorry, I do think you need to check it out.
You won’t be wasting your doctor’s time.

Lube is your friend. Lots of it. And get the bleeding checked out, have a smear if you haven't for a while.

Sometimes things do go a bit wrong with sex but you learn from mistakes, and try work arounds, more foreplay, lube, you getting on top and controlling the angle, I know he doesn't want to hurt you but he shouldn't just give up. Do you think there's any way he'd see a sex therapist with you, it sounds like he has issues surrounding it.

@pudding21 I get a smear teat every six months so that's fine.

@MMmomDD Everyone seemed to be telling me I'd be stupid not to. Even my BFF said to tell him because she would if it was her husband.

Lube isn't an option whilst ttc. I might sneak into boots later if I can get out without the baby (shopping with him has become a mission) so I can get some pre-seed. I don't believe it works to conceive but it's at least sperm friendly.

Conceive Plus is a very good lube in itself, regardless of ttc. Though it did work for me the first go as well, so you never know your luck.

@cakecakecheese my best friends mum is a sex and relationship therapist and he avoids her like the plague 😆 he won't really discuss it with me so a stranger might be too much. I don't think there's anything wrong per-say but he's just a private guy