He has another woman

[Bec78]

Only just joined coz a friend said it was a great place to get support.

My fiancee and day to my little 31 week old bump has been acting weird and hasn't acknowledged either of us in the last few months.

We found out about bump quite late-dr sent us for an emergency 12 weeks scan and we found out we were 16 weeks (a bit of a shock I must say) so I've out his behaviour down to shock and adjusting.

However today i found 'love notes' in his wallet from another woman (I think it may be someone he works with) about secret meet ups after work.

I have asked him this and he has atill stayed out all night (supposedly at a a guy from works) and says he will talk to me after work tonorrow.

I don't know what to do/say. Haven't stopped crying and feel like my whole world has shattered.

Oh dear OP There are other threads in Relationships from people in similar situations. Reading these as well may at least make you feel less alone

He doesn't sound very remorseful. Do you live together and whose name is the place in if so?

You've confronted him about an affair and he says he will talk to you tomorrow about it?! Because he's out with a "mate"?!!!!

I'm angry for you!

Wow, such quick reaponses. We live together (have done for 8 nearly 9 years) everything is joint named. He doesn't seem like he has any feelings at all. I have looked at other threads and I feel less alone. I guess I've just always believed 'it will happen to someone else not me'

It's really horrible. If you can, try and get some sleep. The crap will still be there in the morning but you'll have more energy to wade through it.

You may never get your answers. Some people can't lie straight in bed. He may lie and lie despite what you found. Decide what your "Fuck this"point is

Have a google for men cheating during pregnancy. It's more common than you think. Sadly.

Wow, u guys are great- I never would have thought strangers would want to be there for me at nearly midnight. I am going to try and get some sleep. Luckily I have a day off work tomorrow so I'll try and relax and get my energy ready for the evenings conversation .

He's cruel to leave you waiting like that :-(

I hope you're ok and are able to get some sleep - I can't imagine how you're feeling right now :-(

At least you've found out now though and not a year down the line after being a family unit.

He will regret it but you will have gotten through it and come out stronger xxx

Bless you OP. Do whatever you have to do you get a good sleep. Sleep app etc. I've been known to change all the sheets and have a shower in the middle of the night because I know it will help!

Tomorrow daytime it might be worth you thinking through what his answers will be and how you'll respond to them. How he might wriggle out of things and how you will stop him fobbing you off.

Morning OP. Best of luck for the conversation later but try and have a relaxing day today.

Imagine your partner was very upset. Would you:

1. Do your best to talk things through and reassure him?

2. Go out all night with a ‘mate’.

I personally would never leave my husband in a state like that and if I thought he was troubled, I’d be hurting too. That how it is with couples who love and respect each other.

Thank u guys. Joysmum-i know what mean, I would have thought he would have dropped everything to come home and explain. I asked him too- and to even call Indian at work today but he just ignored it and said he would explain all tonight!

Just trying to keep strong for the next few hours. But finding it a struggle!!!!!

Ahh OP

People can be such shits. Unforgivable of him to leave you waiting like that. Drink plenty water and try keep your chin up for the next wee while.

Whatever happens tonight, he’s showing no consideration now and that’s not what you deserve. Best of luck for this evening x

Firstly so sorry his is happening to you OP.

Secondly he is working on his cover story and getting all his ducks in a row before coming to you wig a confaluted excuse.

This is going to be a very difficult time for you. And the ball is in your court either you stay with the cheating slimeball or go it alone. No woman wants to be a single parent but it certainly is not the end of the world if you do decide to part.

Whatever you decide just make sure you do not regret it and remember hormones will be high right now. So take your time in deciding what is best for you and what will make you happy.

Remember a happy mommy, content mommy will make for a happy baby.

Thinking of you xx

Hope you’re ok this evening Bec, what an awful shock for you.

You don’t need to make any decisions at the moment, just take care of yourself and try to stay philosophical about it. Whatever he’s done, you can’t undo it, you may never know the full extent of it, it isn’t your fault and you & your baby will be fine whatever happens.

I hope you have supportive friends and family around you in case you need them in real life, but in the meantime, there are always people on here happy to listen and advise. You don’t need to take any of the advice given, it’s a difficult time and sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, until you feel strong enough to make a move.

That said, if it were me, the way he’s treated you today, keeping you hanging on, is enough to bin him off in my book, what a shoddy way to treat someone you love.

Hope you’re ok @Bec78

Secondly he is working on his cover story and getting all his ducks in a row before coming to you wig a confaluted excuse.

This ^

so I've out his behaviour down to shock and adjusting.

Presumably you were shocked and needed time to adjust as well, but you didnt have an affair.
Lots of men are shocked by the news of impending fatherhood but dont feel the need to go and cheat on the mother of their child.

OP, im sorry you're going through this, your fiance is going to minimise what has happened ie make it out to be less than it was and keep minimising and he will gaslight you and make you feel like you are the unreasonable one, please google gaslighting if you dont know what it means.

I would advise while you are waiting for him to come home you start getting together paperwork about accounts, mortgage together.

At the moment you are in shock and letting him call the shots, try and be brave and take control of the situation, what do you want from this? Do YOU want to stay with him after this?
At the moment its all about what he wants and whether he wants to stay.

You dont have to make any decisions today. Look after yourself and your wee one, stay hydrated and try eat even small amounts if you dont feel like eating normal meals.

There is also something called The Script which is a series of common behaviours and lies that cheating partners do when they are caught out cheating, its good to know what to expect, will try find it somewhere unless other posters have a good link.

Hi Bec78 - what happened yesterday evening? Hope you are doing OK.

Ah apologies, I didnt look at the date you posted OP, I hope you're ok.

Hi girls. A proper heart to heart last night. He has told me everything- even though it was hard to hear. He didn't come home because he was ashamed and was trying to work out what the best way to tell me all of the the truth. We both have fairly crazy weeks at work this week and theb have 2 weeks off. We have decided to spend this week chatting/sharing/processing everything while making sure we both can focus (I'd that's possible) at work. Then Sunday we can talk about what our future will look like. I'll keep you girls all updated. Thank you for your support. X

Glad you've been able to talk things through and have a plan for dealing with it.

Just remember your worth. You deserve someone who makes you feel like the most important person in their life.

He has been distant from you for months throughout the most exciting and scary time of your life and investing his energy in at the very least a flirtation with someone else.

Please don't accept any bollocks from him - you have had a huge shock and will be trying to get everything back to how it was. It's tempting to gloss over things to make your life easier but it may come back to bite you on the bum if you're not careful!

You don't need to make any promises (or accept any of his) for the time being. You're allowed to put yours and your baby's needs first and if that means making a plan to get through the next few weeks for now and looking at it again at a later date, then that's your right. You don't owe him any sort of forgiveness or acceptance if you don't feel like it right now.

Take each day as it comes and take care of yourself. You don't need to update us, just know that there are always people here if you need to vent

Xxxxx