Recovering from a break up

[Drivingmyselfmadagain]

I’m hoping to pick your brains for ways to help get myself over the horrible weeks after a break up. Looking back I should have seen it coming in that he was ticking every red flag for being emotionally avoidant and not wanting commitment. He ended things without warning a year in and gave no explanation. All he said was “we won’t be meeting up again” and hung up when I rang him back. I’m left without closure other than assuming his silence is my closure.

I’ve found out there’s another woman involved, he’s been seeing both of us without either of us knowing about the other. I’m struggling to accept that he didn’t want me and couldn’t even tell me this. I’m not the jealous type but I’m insanely jealous right now and feel sick at the thought of them together to the point I want to tell her. I know this would make me look like the crazy ex. My mind is so full of thoughts of him, I can’t seem to switch it off.

So the main thing I’m wondering is how do you stop yourself obsessing/wondering where he is/who he’s with/is he ok/ why doesn’t he want me. I try to keep busy but am exhausted, I literally feel like I’ve been hit by a bus and am struggling to sleep. Thoughts constantly pop into my head. I tried texting him to ask to chat but it was ignored.

Delete and block him to start with as a start, so you stop texting him. Sorry you're feeling so hurt.

Hi driving sadly there isn’t a magic answer I can give you, apart from saying that with time your feelings will stabilise. I’m four months in after a 12 year relationship and the first few weeks were incredibly tough. If there’s one thing I can suggest that is to go properly no contact. How your ex has treated you is awful, and it’s good to ask yourself would you truly want someone capable of two timing you back in your life? You know the logical answer but that doesn’t always cut it I know. Sorry if that doesn’t help too much, hang in there and do post on here to get your feelings out. It’s helped me no end and I feel I’ve made some new friends in the process. Hugs to you x

I think I’ve avoided blocking because I want to see if he reads my text. If I block him, he won’t be able to get in touch to explain anything if he ever decided to. I’m not on any social media with him (he would never add me as a friend, wonder why!!) so I can’t see what he’s getting up to. I guess looking to see if he’s been online is the last link to knowing that he’s still breathing.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's horrible. Remember that she didn't win here. She is going out with a two-timing, cruel, dishonest man.
Delete and block him. Create a moodboard and put it on the wall of fresh things you want to do and see that don't involve him. You need to embrace a life that doesn't include a disgusting excuse of a man.
There are mental exercises that help getting over loss or betrayal, but time will help.

What's to explain? He dumped you and was cheating on you. You need to find a bit of anger. Shut the door on him instead of hoping he'll come back with a magical reason that makes all this OK.

It's tough, I'm sorry - but in the long run, it's a good thing he's gone.

Diana, that’s a good reminder for me. She hasn’t won a decent man , she’s won a lying, manipulative cheat.

Watching this thread, as it may well apply to me too. I am floored by something not quite the same, and am not sure how to get through it.

If you fancy a chat Athena, feel free to message me.

Wow, this could be me writing this post. 31 weeks pregnant and found notes from a other woman in my fiances wallet. Confronted him but have had no answers ( he is staying at a work mate called Steve's tonight after going to a beer festival (if he is indeed with Steve whoever that is)) and says he will talk to me after work tomorrow!!! I may get some answers but that won't be till half 7 ish tomorrow night!!!!

I’m not of much help accept I can say you’re not alone!! Going through exactly the same thing the only difference is that I have ended it. The worst part is I know he still loves me but he is emotionally unavailable and I cannot cope with things he does. I’ve gone no contact and from what I’ve heard this really is the only way to cut them out. I too can’t stop thinking exactly the same things. Wish you all the best!!