Can anyone give legal advice regarding separating

[FesteringCarbuncle]

I am separating from my H. I cannot cope with his moods and unreadable behaviour any longer
We have been together almost 30 years and have 2 SN children. 1 is grown up but still needs a lot of support. The younger child is very challenging
H is resentful that I have worked P/T yet every parent I know who has a child with my child's condition has been unable to work at all. I've only been able to work because my team have been very supportive and allowed me flexibility
We own our house. I was buying it before I met H so he benefited from that but he feels like the house is more his than mine
Initially I expected him to leave. That would leave me looking after both children and he made it clear he would not help
Without his help I am unable to work. DC would not manage childcare and there isn't any suitable care anyway. Attends special school
Balancing the needs of both children is tricky and tbh older child really needs respite from the younger child
So I thought could move out with younger child and rent. That would mean DC bedroom would remain the same and could go back to old home so I could get respite. DC would not go to any new place if H moved out. They are very dependent on me
I understand legally I could stay in the house until youngest moves out or is 18?
If I left with youngest would it change that?
DC is very challenging. Violent meltdowns. I have been injured by DC
Moving would be a risk but could give us all respite. But if it didn't work we would have to rethink
H doesn't like talking about any of this

Unreasonable not unreadable

?

.

Move out and leave him with the children?

I couldn't do that to them

Given the circumstances you describe, I would be getting professional legal advice.

Mothers of children with additional needs may get more than an average divorce settlement.

Maybe get this moved to relationships ?

Thanks. I have requested it be moved
I was hoping that if we decided things amicably then we could continue to work together for the children.
I'm quite disgusted that he thinks he can sit in a paid for house while I put DC through the stress of a move which may cause distress and more meltdowns

I seem to think @TheFormidableMrsC might have had a good outcome in similar circumstances?

You need to get legal advice as everyone’s situation is different. I could not stay in the house till the dc were 18 and they were young with special needs. Court ordered house sale and we all had to move.

Get proper legal advice asap.

Would mediation be enough
We would quickly go through our savings if we used solicitors

I'm in a similar position and contacted Women's Aid. They put me in touch with a local supportive charity who offer a free legal advice session. I went along to that last week and it was very useful. It's all very discrete, so he shouldn't know you've done any of it unless you want him to. There's definitely help out there, particularly if you're living in an abusive relationship, as you and I both are. Don't put up with it. It's not fair on you or your kids. I've been married for 19 years, so not as long as you, but still long enough to know what a wrench walking out of a long marriage can be. I finally see my own worth though and won't put up with it anymore and neither should you. Good luck!

I had mediation (recently) and it wasn't much help tbh. It was just a question of the mediator putting various financial scenarios to us to encourage us to find a way forwards and reach agreement. Fine if both parties are prepared to be reasonable, but not much help with my stbxh!

I know what you mean about going through savings but it sounds like you have a lot of difficult issues here, and if your ex h is not prepared to be reasonable you could end up in a tough situation.

Some solicitors will give a free initial half hour - phone round to find one who is prepared to do that, but make sure you take as much information as possible to the meeting.

Don't roll over on this or you could find yourself massively screwed over. Good luck.

Good post from Tessie - i didn't know that Women's Aid did that but it sounds really helpful.