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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why am I still annoyed?

7 replies

Applecrumble79 · 27/05/2018 11:49

I have been supportive to my partner of 2 years regarding medical investigations he had which included screenings for suspected bowel cancer. I attended all of his appointments even arranged my work diary to enable me to accompany him and missed part of my sisters hen party just so I could attend an appointment with him. It turned out he was ok.

I had a hospital medical appointment that I mentioned to my partner a couple of times, a month prior. He did not offer to accompany me at any time but I just dismissed it. Anyway, i mentioned it again the day before the appointment. We get to the day of the appointment and he didn’t remember the appointment. It turns out I have to have an operation. I came home and went about my business. He then called and I mentioned I had just got back from the hospital. He asked how it went and I explained I was to have an operation. He then starts to get annoyed as to why I didn’t call him directly after the appointment to tell him about the op. I let off at him reminding him of how supportive I was about his medical investigations and how he lacked support of my situation. I felt very hurt. He sent a lame text later in the evening saying sorry for “forgetting the appointment”.

I still feel hurt and upset that he offered no support when I did to him without a doubt. Its nearly a week later and I still feel upset. Why can’t i move forward.

OP posts:
RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 11:55

Because you think you care about him more than he does you?

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 11:56

Sorry posted too soon.
I would feel the same op. Is he otherwise generally supportive and loving towards you?

Applecrumble79 · 27/05/2018 12:01

Yes generally he is. But it’s nade me question everything, the whole relationship. He has also been acting off with me when he the one that upset me! Im not sure how further to address it. We’re going on a family holiday abroad in 4 wks time. I hope I feel better by then!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 27/05/2018 12:46

you're still annoyed because he's shown, that despite being reminded countless times, he didn't care enough to remember your appointment. You're likely feeling bitterness, as you cut short important occasions, like your Sisters hen party, to attend all his various appointments.

you feel you've been let down... at the first hurdle Flowers

Cambionome · 27/05/2018 12:49

The fact that he is off with you when he is the one at fault speaks volumes, I'm afraid. Sad

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 13:10

This whole dynamic makes me wonder if thete is codependency or if hes a narc. He flipped it to guilt you and made it about himself. Even when he let you down he turns it to poor me why didnt YOU tell me, chase ME, remind ME, beg ME to come.

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 13:12

He does this because he is used to the pattern of sulking, you cant bear it so you approach him and apologize anout something that is his fault. Manipulation and using silent treatment. Classic narc behaviour.

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