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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about husband

16 replies

Thinkingofausername1 · 27/05/2018 01:04

My dh has been acting a bit odd recently. Criticising me, saying hurtful things about issues he knows I'm sensitive about, and not saying it once but several occasions and not apologising, despite knowing it upsets me.
He's starting to also have more evening meetings, I thought were going to last until 9pm but he was back earlier than I expected him both times.
He keeps denying nasty things he has said during arguments but highlighting nasty things I've said.
Last weekend, we were meant to go out for dinner and he deliberately said something nasty on the way there which then pissed me off, because he knows that I don't feel very educated because of my background and it never used to bother him that I wasn't as educated as him.
He keeps wondering off then telling me to go away, when I wonder where he is and go to see if he is ok. However, when I do go and see if he is ok, he tells me to go away and leave him alone.
Tonight was the last straw, I come to bed thinking that he was behind me and thought I heard him crying so I went back downstairs after him not coming up for 20 minutes. I come into the living room, with him in the dark looking at his phone. After me questioning why he was behaving oddly, he said he wanted to be away from me and alone again. He would not tell me why he was on his phone in the dark at 12.35 am. I said whatever if he doesn't start to respect me, he might find that actually I will leave him alone for good as I deserve, to be treated better than how he has treated me recently.
I don't know what to do, why would he be on his phone in the dark!!
He is just pushing me away and I've had enough.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2018 01:16

Sorry OP but I’d think he was having an affair Sad

MellowMelly · 27/05/2018 01:29

Oh OP, this makes for sad reading. I feel he is either hiding something from you whether it’s the fact he is perhaps unhappy or he is up to no good.
I wouldn’t like to say it necessarily means he is having an affair. My friends partner started behaving like this and it turned out he was gambling, getting in debt and was taking his feelings of guilt out on her.

Scott72 · 27/05/2018 01:29

An affair is the obvious answer, but it could just as well be job problems, or financial problems, or gambling losses, or anything else he's too ashamed to want to talk about with his wife. I hope you find out soon OP and your marriage can recover.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2018 10:55

He's having an affair. He's treating you horribly because he want you to be the one to end it. He's too much of a coward to do it himself.

Thinkingofausername1 · 27/05/2018 11:51

Oh God I hoped this wouldn't be the response. But with the evening meetings creeping in which never used to happen. I might have to do some digging. He also got angry with me, while we were having a coffee out and I was trying to confirm plans, for the weekend so I could let mil know. I said it was only fair as she will need to go shopping and he slammed his hands on the table and got up to go. I was so embarrassed, as people behind looked at me. Which assured me that I knew his behaviour was out of order. He did apologise later but he doesn't realise the effect it's having on me.

OP posts:
FuckingHateRain · 27/05/2018 11:55

But if he had an affair surely he wouldn't be on the phone at midnight ... that can't be the way it works that's insane
I'd be think of money issues or something happening with work
Is there a chance he was on the phone to a close friend or his mum? Or even his bank??

AnyFucker · 27/05/2018 11:55

He has a big secret. Could be a number of things...other woman, debts, a drug habit, employment issies

Whatever it is, I would not tolerate this kind of treatment.

swingofthings · 27/05/2018 11:59

Clearly stressed about something and taking it out on you. Whatever it is, you need to find out.

Yogagirl123 · 27/05/2018 12:08

It could be a number of different things OP, I wouldn’t immediately think he’s having an affair, especially as you said he was home earlier than you expected from his meetings, if it was an affair I would think he would be home later rather than earlier.

Definitely something up though, you need to talk.

Good luck.

Cricrichan · 27/05/2018 12:31

I would guess an affair if he's having lots of evening meetings? Maybe he was crying because he can't be with her? Either because of her or his situation.

Regardless of the reason, he is treating you appallingly.

Gemini69 · 27/05/2018 13:00

He's having an affair.. and you trying to pin down weekend plans with MIL etc.. just makes his own covert movements difficult to manage.. hence he's getting angry..

I'm so sorry OP Flowers

TheGirlWithAPrince · 27/05/2018 14:17

i'm thinking Affair or he just doesn't love you anymore and its depressing him to the point that he is turning into an Asshole.

Thinkingofausername1 · 27/05/2018 16:24

Thanks all for your replies.
I am glad I'm not the only one, who thinks I deserve a little respect, and to be treated better. Yes, he wanted to go out this evening too which was random as he never goes out Sunday evening. I should have told my mil we were going out, all day as well as having dinner to piss him off even more.

He doesn't like it either when I challenge him, mocking me or challenge his behaviour and I'm surprised at all if he is having an affair, as I don't know who else would put up with the shit I have!
Could be an online emotional one I suppose If on his phone all the time. I just wish he would communicate better instead of having these petty arguments. I wouldn't want to know what neighbours think of all his shouting and swearing at me.

OP posts:
InteriorLulu · 27/05/2018 16:37

Mine behaved like this. He was having an affair. Sorry OP, but even if it's not an affair I agree with Any Fucker he's hiding something.

Sorry this is happening to you Flowers

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 27/05/2018 16:40

That’s is exactly how mine behaved, it was another woman.

Newerversion · 27/05/2018 17:04

Mine behaved a little like this too- it was a hideous escort habit, hence he would say he was going to be late but often not be as late as he had estimated (got earlier appointments than he predicted) The phone thing was him setting up appointments or just looking up possible escorts.

I am not saying this is the case with your dh but it is as possible as an affair.

Can you check bank accounts? phone bills?
I really hope you can get answrs, although his behaviour is hideous anyway regardless of the 'reason'.

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