New boss

[clazbear]

I’d love to know if anyone else has ever been in a similar position to this and how they dealt with it.

I’ve been sort of seeing a colleague from work. We slept together a while ago and although nothing physical has happened since, we have been texting and flirting a lot. I have known he was unhappy at work for a while and looking for a new job, and I think ultimately I knew he was going to leave so thought things would naturally come to an end between us. However he handed his notice in and they offered him a much better job if he were to stay which he took. Turns out the new role is my now boss.

Since he was offered this role, he has stopped texting me very often, and when he does it’s very mundane and not at all flirtatious. He’s said that he would really like to pursue this with me but he’s very worried about losing his job over it and he has a young son to support. Since we had that conversation he has been really different with me, acting much more professionally but almost to the point of being rude.

I’m really struggling with it. I really like him but if things can’t go any further because of work then I can understand that but I hate the thought that he knows a lot of personal things about me in that position, and I hate that I now can’t talk to him about things I would have previously. I have considered leaving but I really like my job and don’t really want to. I’m not sure how to deal with it all, I want to talk to him about it but it’s become very awkward between us and I don’t know how to get it back to how it was.

Sorry OP, but he doesn't want to risk his new job (and all the new money 🙄).

But to be honest, it wasn't really happening anyway, was it? A shag several months ago and nothing since - no dates, no progression, just texts.

I understand why you'd want s chat about it, but I doubt you'll get one. So just realise that you do, in fact, have his viewpoint on this: it's not happening. So now you either stay there and learn to manage your expectations (start dating other people as a first step), or look for a different job.

Sorry. I can see why you'd be disappointed.

Surely you’d prefer him to be professional than any of the alternatives? You weren’t really in a relationship as such, so from an outsider’s perspective, it doesn’t really sound like you’ve lost much here.

He’s taken the deicision to step back and act up to the role he’s now in, which should mean that he’ll be conscientious and disregard anything you’ve said to him before when making decisions about you / your work / annual reviews. I don’t think you need to leave.

He probably doesnt like that you know things about him as your boss either. And I expect him feeling awkward is why his professionalism isnt quite working. I would give it time...as you both relax hopefully things will become a little more natural.