advice much needed

[mumof218]

Sorry if this is a long one im just really confused right now and any feedback id be really grateful. ive been with my dh for the last 12 years and we have 2 dc, in our relationship he had a one night stand a year in and gave me a sti, i forgave as i was pregnant with our 1st dc and really wanted to have a family. anyway since then hes never phydically cheated again that i know but over the years ive caught him numerous times talking to other women online and tonnes of porn etc. each time weve argued but patched it up (i know its ridiculous i do know but i do love him and even tho my head says im a mug i cant end it). well the last time he done anything like this was about 5 years ago and everything has been great for the last 5 years and we had another dc as i believed he had changed. that was until jan this year when i accidentally came across him talking to women and porn again on his phone even tho he knew he was on his last warning. as you can imagine this has blown my world upside down and i did pack his bags but we managed to somehow talk things out and things are slowly returning to normal although im still hurting and im finding it hard to trust him again etc. Fast forward to this week and while doing the school run i noticed standing next to me was my ex who i was with for 2 years before dh and who i actually dumpt for my dh now (he never did anything wrong etc i was just a cow and he actually waited for me for 6 months and even messaged me asking how i was etc to try again but i told him where to go). it turns out he has 2 kids at my dcs school even tho ive never seen him before. we didnt talk but he kept looking so i know he recognized me too and now everyday he keeps looking in my direction. ive now learnt today from other mums that hes single and he split from his dc mum ages ago and shes now with another man who ive seen loads up the school with his ex. its just really messed with my head as ive not seen this man for 12 years even tho we live in the same town and now boom there he is and its just made me feel like i made the wrong decision all those years ago. id never make the first move or anything i just think its maybe a sign but i just cant work out the meaning. as my mum says everything happens for a reason but im struggling with this one. any advice.

I would decide what you feel about your current relationship before considering another.

i know and id never start anything without finishing my current one its just so hard when you have kids who are too young to really understand and just think your throwing daddy out. i dont want them to hate me forever although i know i should do whats best for me

and im not really saying i really would want a relationship with my ex as its been a long time and we dont know eachother now. but i just feel messed up like its trying to tell me something although deep down i probably know already

I know it must be difficult :( it sounds like your DH isn't respecting you and has no intention of changing. Could he get help?

It sounds like as you are struggling in this relationship you are regretting the decisions you made and creating an 'ideal' situation out of your ex and the relationship you could have had. I suppose you need to remember that you left him for a reason, that you will never know what would have been and that these feelings are most likely to be due to feeling how you are about DP rather than any feelings towards him. You need to decide about your current relationship and make sense of whatever decisions you make before deciding about a new relationship.