New relationship

[frenchie1510]

Just looking to gain some perspectives

I am in a new relationship and not sure what is the norm as to how many times you see eachother during the course of the week

I really like this guy but not sure what to expect after 4 years of being single

No definitely not anyone else he does FaceTime from home he works goes to the gym and is usually on the ball with texting or calling like clock work
He struggles to prioritise me I think

So he easily prioritises work and the gym. But not you.
Is this what 'love' looks like to you, op?

If he loved you he would prioritise you more. Obviously you come after work and the gym. Chances are this will never change, will probably get worse.

but not sure how to get him to make effort

You can't make him, even if you did for a while it would be false and go back to how it was.

How long were you single before meeting him.If your ex was a narc then you will need to heal and ensure your boundaries are firm.

If it's been a few months how can you be sure its love..infatuation, sure but not love.
It seems like you are hearing his words and not his actions.
Slow this down, accept that it might not be love given you don't really know each other.
If you were with a narc then you know how easy it is to create a good impression with words and minimal effort, yet they are incapable of responding to your actual needs.

@Frenchie1510 can you stick to OP name, it shows in same colour then.

You need to back off. Act like he is only of vague interest.

So it came to a head tonight

He was quiet all day (work stress)
So gave him space
He then called evening and said he down in an hour or so
I had made plans as wasn't under impression he wanted to see me and he made a bit of a song and dance kind of flipping it back on me

Few drinks and I decide to speak to him about his efforts and he loses it big time

Cue huge row - called me hard work (I'm not this in the slightest)

Feel super offended he wasn't nice at all shouting and swearing whilst I spoke to him super calm and wasn't rude to him all I have said is I want to spend time with you

Turned up at my house 20 mins ago .. nothing really resolved already asleep and I'm sat on the sofa trying not to cry

Said to me that he must care as he would've normally turned his phone off and that would've been it drunk in the pub with the lads

To add he told me the mind reader that I should've known this week isn't good and he meant he would start making effort next week

He is asleep at your house after shouting and swearing at you, and you are allowing this? Why? He is treating you like a complete chump, op.

Erm, you're post description tells you the answer 'new relationship' if things are like this now, time to end it, now.

Ok so that clarifies it all. You’re a nice person. He’s a verbally abusive selfish entitled man child.

It should not be like this at 5 months - not at all.

When he wakes up tell him you’ve got stuff to do, please leave.

Then block him and never speak to him again.

This will not get better. I hope you're not pregnant.

If someone reacts badly when you say No, its a massive red flags.

He is ignoring your boundaries and treating you as it suits him.
Dump him as he is bad news.