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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I Being Silly?

31 replies

Saffy60 · 24/05/2018 19:25

I am a lady of mature years and have been with my partner for nearly 2 years. Having realised that all the terms of endearment he used for me , "Lovely, Sweetie" etc were the same that he used for his adult daughters I decided an exclusive one would be nice and began calling him Gorgeous...e.g "Hello Gorgeous how was your day", he started reciprocating and it was really nice having our pet name for each other. But recently he bought a dog...on the second day of her arrival as she came out of her cage that she was in for 10 minutes to eat, he said..."Hello Gorgeous" to the dog! And I was a bit put out, it was our name for each other, his explanation is. I am number 1 gorgeous and she is ..number 2. I feel sort of let down....which is probably just being silly!!! Opinions please.

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 24/05/2018 19:31

Erm ... yes, you are being silly.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 24/05/2018 19:34

Presumably there ARE perks kept just for you? Wink

category12 · 24/05/2018 19:36

Yes, you're being silly.

ScreamingValenta · 24/05/2018 19:36

'Gorgeous' is a bit generic for a pet-name - could you come up with something unique for each other?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 24/05/2018 19:43

🙄

starday · 24/05/2018 19:44

Seriously! ? That your biggest problem

Babyblues052 · 24/05/2018 19:54

I'm sorry this made me chuckle. As soon as I read "he bought a dog.." I though nooo he calls the dog georgous!! 😂😂

I think it is silly to be too upset over it. He knows it's bothered you so hopefully he makes an effort to use it just for you. It is nice to have let names but rember bigger picture is that he obviously loves and cares for you regardless of his pet name for you. Flowers

Babyblues052 · 24/05/2018 19:54

Oh god the pitiful attempt at spelling in my post ^ auto correct sucks

Original poster
Saffy60 · 25/05/2018 14:03

Thanks for the help everyone...there has been alot of "stuff" lately, mostly minor but I know its made me touchy, I t helped to "hear" some views...Wink ...

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 25/05/2018 14:15

Ah bless you.
I'm assuming there is more to this as this is nothing to worry about at all.
I call just about everyone; love, gorgeous, chick, beautiful, handsome.... etc....
(yes the women of MN would surely love me in RL!) LOL!

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 14:58

Oh OP, the people I call Gorgeous are:

My ex boyfriend/now friend
My daughter
My son.
My rabbits
My best friend's husband
The dog at my local...

Exclusive nicknames are more organic than that surely?

OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 15:00

Also, what is a 'lady of mature years'?

I only ask because I'm in my 40s and I don't ever want to be one so I need to know when to stop getting older... Wink

Original poster
Saffy60 · 25/05/2018 16:22

There comes a point in a relationship when you start to ask yourself questions... there is a distinct lack of consideration and general thoughtlessness, obviously mentioning it causes conflict, which I am then blamed for. Feeling undervalued has made me much less confident and much more touchy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saffy60 · 25/05/2018 16:25

OhGrrr in answer to your question, you are probably of mature years at any point...over 40 - obviously ... when you are feeling a bit emotionally battered and bit sorry for yourself... Smile

OP posts:
OhGrrr · 25/05/2018 16:28

Ah crap! I'm over 40 amd definitely feeling a bit emotionally battered and a little sorry for myself...

But I'm definitely not a lady of mature years!!

It doesn't sound like he's right for you. You need someone who makes you feel like you can take on the world!!

itswinetime · 25/05/2018 16:29

I think part of the problem is the way you're op reads anyway is you did this by stealth you didn't sit down and say I'd like a nickname you don't use for anyone else you started using one he copied. If that is the case then he probably has no idea of the significance of the term to you!

Its not a big deal and I think you know that too. But you are feeling undervalued in the relationship anyway, so I can understand why your upset. I think you need to sit down and deal with the bigger issues and then pet names won't be such an issue.

Mouseville65 · 25/05/2018 16:33

I hear you!

My DP calls me 'my beautiful' or 'future wife' if he called the dog the latter I'd be quite concerned lol

In all seriousness though there are some things we hold dear because they make us feel loved and special and your DH probably just doesn't realise it was important to you. Have a chat, explain your feelings and come up with a new pet name that will never be shared with a 'pet' :)

hellsbellsmelons · 25/05/2018 16:56

He's bringing you down and knocking your confidence.
Someone who truly loves you would not do that.
I think you need to sit down and write a pros and cons list in regards to this relationship.
It doesn't sound like it's good for you.

JessieMcJessie · 25/05/2018 17:02

You’re probably secure in your position unless he actually wants to shag the dog.

mogratpineapple · 25/05/2018 17:22

I call my OH Babe. Aso a couple of his friends, my daughter and her boyf. One day, OH says that he would be crushed if I ever called anyone else Babe... Blush

Anniegetyourgun · 25/05/2018 17:30

I'm a lady of immature years (way over 40, but never likely to grow up). Ex and I used to call each other "thing". The DC were "the things" and one of our dogs, who was particularly ditsy, was "the little thing". "Thing" also referred to genitalia, to anything unexpected or unpleasant, and lastly, anything we couldn't remember the name of on the spur of the moment. Thus, the conversation would be something like "Thing, the little thing has a THING! On her thing!" "Oo-er. Make sure the things don't touch it." Somehow we still managed to know what we were talking about.

Why did we divorce? There was a breakdown in communication...

LeChatDeNuit · 25/05/2018 17:33

Annie GrinGrin

Lemonyknickers · 25/05/2018 17:37

My DH has turned to me when I've exclaimed out of the blue, God you're gorgeous, I love you so much, only to find I'm talking to the dog. He just copes with it cause I do love that dog. Grin

Lemonyknickers · 25/05/2018 17:39

Actually I do call him Butternut, and snookums never called anyone else those. So he has that ! Confused

TattyCat · 25/05/2018 17:40

Oh, I think there's far too much importance attached to 'pet' names, tbh. I wouldn't sweat that small stuff but I think you need to explore what else.is wrong.

My EXH and I used to write to each other a lot; he was often away for extended periods (not military; he was a musician) and he'd start every letter with 'dear ugly' or 'dear ugliness'. It was a term of endearment and certainly wasn't meant to be derogatory. I re-read the letters recently (they've been in a box for nigh on 30 years) and I read them with fond memories. Then I burned them, because they are old, and so am I I have no one to leave them to and no one who would be interested enough. And they're embarrassing!