Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up at the moment

17 replies

justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 16:14

I just feel like there is a fog in my head at the moment and I can't think straight. I go from wanting to be on my own to wanting to stay. Currently 23 weeks pregnant so I'm also tired and emotional.

My dp was made redundant a couple of months ago and since then he's also been in poor health. He's currently off sick. I honestly thought he would walk straight in to a new job. I'm not currently working either (was a SAHM to our toddler), so obviously money is tight at the moment. We had no money problems before he lost his job.

We are constantly falling out at the moment and I'm tired of it. I get he isn't well and I'm doing my best to support him but I'm also running after our children, getting them to and from school/nursery, doing housework, going to appointments, budgeting and getting stressed etc.. and I'm exhausted.

He is still paying maintenance to his ex which he asked if he could pay a few days late. His ex said no and then sent ME and long ranty message about how stupid I am having another baby when I can't afford it. The thing is, we can afford it in normal circumstances. But at the moment things are just shit and circumstances have changed a lot.
I have always been friendly and amicable with his ex and there has never been any problems between us. But now I just feel like telling her to fuck off and do not contact me again. She kept saying her child will be affected and that me having another baby becomes her business if her child is affected. The baby isn't the problem because when we planned this baby he was in a job. We are all affected as a family by his loss of earnings. The baby is not the problem but that's who she is focusing her frustration on and it's really pissed me off and upset me. I almost think she is jealous with the way she has been going on.

All I want to do is pack me and my children up, move out and not deal with any more drama. I'm getting crap from both my dp and his ex at the moment and I just want to tell them both to leave me alone.

What do I do?!

OP posts:
MillionDollarMamma · 24/05/2018 16:40

It’s a difficult situation to be in but you need to put your children and unborn baby first. No one plans for these things to happen and his ex should be more understanding but I can also see why she would be angry as I’m sure most parents would be if they were in her position (no parent wants there child to suffer) She needs to back away from you and remember it’s not your baby’s fault. I would ask her to only contact your dp for the time being and let him deal with her and leave you to look after yourself X

justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 17:15

Oh yes I can understand why she is worried as she doesn't want to see her child affected. But like I said it's the focusing on the baby rather than the actual problem that upsets me. We lost a baby last year which really affected me and she knows about this, so she knows that this baby means a lot me.
I will ask her to just contact dp from now on instead of me.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 24/05/2018 17:31

Why when he is not even working is he not bloody helping you - how can he sit and watch you struggle; honestly, sounds like you'd be better of a single parent! I hate men like this and there's loads on here, expect the woman to do it all, and you are 23 weeks pregnant, you should be taking it easy, he should be doing the lions share; what a joke.

I'd be telling him to step up, not you or baby's fault he lost his job but until he finds one he needs to act like a parent and partner.

Totally get why ex has upset you saying that, she should be asking HIM what he's doing to provide for his other child.

poppins76 · 24/05/2018 17:38

The ex is jealous beyond control. Fuck her. And no more money.

Olddear · 24/05/2018 17:47

Jealous of what, exactly??

justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eightfacesofthemoon · 24/05/2018 19:15

HE THREW A BOWL OF CORFLAKES AT YOU.
Read that back to yourself. That’s fucking disgusting.
You do not have an ex wife problem. You have a DH problem and I fear you are just blaming it all on her so you don’t have to face the fact that your with an emotionally and physically abusive man

Olddear · 24/05/2018 19:25

What??? He threw a bowl of cornflakes over you??? I ask again, why do you think she's jealous? I would imagine she's quite relieved...

ihave2naughtydogs · 24/05/2018 19:32

I lived with a man for 24 years who thought nothing of throwing beer and bowls of dog water at me ( loads of other abuse )and I walked out with my children and dogs last year and I couldn't be happier .Dont waste your life with a no good twat

Adora10 · 24/05/2018 19:33

For the love of God please get rid of this vile human being; yip he's abusive and by the sounds of it a user to boot.

justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 19:34

Yeah I was in bits when he did it. All because I asked him repeatedly to tidy his mess up.
No she's not jealous, I made a tongue in cheek comment that's all. She's miffed though but it's not fair to take it out on me.

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 24/05/2018 19:37

You need to start to plan your life away from this man. Because if you just bury your head in the sand this will get 1000x worse

justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 19:40

I just don't know where to start.
I have no money to get my own place with and I feel vulnerable because I'm pregnant and will have my other children to think of too. I have a lot of stuff here and don't know how I will move it.
I can't kick him out because then he will have nowhere to go either.

OP posts:
justgogetgone · 24/05/2018 19:40

So yeah, I just feel trapped...

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 24/05/2018 19:46

It’s not your problem if he has nowhere to go. His actions have consequences and that’s his problem

DianaT1969 · 24/05/2018 19:54

Could he be the stay at home parent after the baby is born and you work? That would give you greater financial independence, especially if he is unlikely to work in the future due to ill-health.

eightfacesofthemoon · 24/05/2018 20:00

Personally I wouldn’t want someone who could throw a bowl of cereal at me looking after a child full time. What would he do if he lost his rag with the baby?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page