Am I as terrible as I feel?

[Blessed23]

Hi Ive have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 9 months and have 3 amazing daughters.
To cut a long story short I have been struggling with how im feeling about my relationship. My husband can be such a nice person and a brill dad but the majority of the time he is so negative about everything and has a very short fuse, and is very snappy with the kids,,,,and everyone really. (Don't get me wrong, he would never lay a hand on us or I would be straight out the door) So this behaviour really pushes me away from him. Whenever I try to speak to him about these issues he gets really defensive and can become quite nasty with his words, and he always finds a way to make it down to me. For example, for the past so many years, since having children, my sex drive is really low, I think the effects of having kids and his attitudes and behaivours have in a way pushed me away, as well as being born with polands syndrome which has also left me very body conscious, like seriously self conscious about it. We are intimate approx once a week, but I admit I am really not feeling it and it is basically to fulfil his needs, but he always turns every situation round to this.
And he is very touchy feely all the time, like overly. Always slapping my bum, squeezing my bum, looking down my top, coming over and 'looking at me' when im changing my underwear, and when I tell him its a bit much, he says that's it, I don't love him, he just wants to feel loved, my behaviour is not normal.
Im writing this now as im feeling a little upset and terrible, as at the moment I have a lot on with feeling quite stressed and worried about having a colposcopy appointment coming up due to abmormal smear results, I have an end of year assignment to write for uni, amongst other things, and because I have said I didn't want to have sex as I need to complete my assignment, he said, its like you want to do it less and less, and when I tried to explain that I would have completed my assignment in the next couple of days he stormed off, I have tried to offer him a drink and things but he is being really off with me and huffy puffy.
It just feels like I am a terrible person, I just feel confused. Advice would be great xxx

It sounds like you are doing your best. But it also sounds like he is only interested in himself. He is thinking of his "needs" only.

I'm sorry, I don't have advice. But you are not a terrible person and if what he says and does makes you feel like that, then that tells you something significant about him.

Have you discussed how stressed you are about your health and how negative you feel about your body at the moment? Have you told him, gentlely that his negativity to life in general is tiring and unattractive (in a "I feel rather than "You make me feel way)? That you need affection without groping and support and patience without him being insecure?

If you have then he's being a mega jerk!
If you haven't all he is seeing is excuse after excuse (essay deadline being an excuse. If you wanted sex with him it wasn't going to stop you meeting the deadline was it? (I'm presuming it wasn't going to be a two hour sex session. Lol )).
If you haven't talk to him honestly than there is a lack of the communication here that is the problem.
Unfortunately, I fear it is the former and his is a short tempered, sulky manchild who plays the victim and thinks his sexual needs are more important than your feelings and a happy home. Do you want to continue living like this?

yes I have tried time and time again to speak to him about his negativity, his bad attitude and general anger issues but it never goes well, he gets very defensive. He is very aware of my issues with my body, when I met him I had had surgery to correct the issues but since having children everything had just gone down hill (breasts very asymmetrical,) he has seen me many times break down about it so I feel he is aware of my body issues, yes I have also approached the groping situation and explained that I wouldn't mind a slap and squeeze once in a while but when it is all day every day it is too much and I find it very inappropriate, for example a few days ago his mother was at our house and it was sunny so I had a skirt on and he put his hand up my skirt to squeeze my bum! I was really cross and had a word with him about it and to be fair on this occasion he did say yeah ok that was over the line, but the point is he did it, he didn't think how that would make me or his mum feel.
And your right to be honest I probably do make excuses at times but I make sure his needs are fulfilled at least once a week.
I just feel so confused

I really want to be the high sex drive, jumping on my man, kinda woman, but i don't know whether that is just not who i am or if his attitudes and behaviours over the years have just pushed me so far away.

OP - I’m picking up a text book scenario in which he feels rejected, unloved, grumpy, negative - making himself more unloveable as you find it harder to feel positive about him and your relationship. He picks up on that but approaches his needs in a way that pushes you away further. And you’ve got into a vicious cycle in which both of you feels the other is negative. He probably senses you are ‘making an effort’ but feels it’s not genuine and that you are fed up of him and going through the motions. It also sounds as if you aren’t affectionate anymore- which can be a huge deal in a relationship.
I really think couples counselling will help explore some of the issues you are both experiencing but unable to discuss without blaming the other. If things are otherwise good then maybe look into it?

I have no idea why you would expect to want to have sex with someone who is negative and angry most of the time. It's just not sexy. You've health issues and he gropes you and huffs if he doesn't get sex. Of course you don't want it. He's the problem, not you.

yeah you are right, I am completely unaffectionate, but if I try it doesn't feel right anymore.
yeah counselling may be good.
I don't know whether that will sort out his negative outlook on life, and his bad attitude. This is something that everyone he meets picks up on so im not sure this is completely a result from the relationship.
His ex employer referred him to anger management as he would often get in trouble at work (resulted in losing his job ultimatelty) and i have asked him serveral times to seek help for this, i feel if he had maybe gone to the doctors and worked on his attitude, it may not have go to the point we are at now.
I just feel drained, if we're driving in the car he will make a nasty comment about someone walking on the pavement, or a small insignificant issues arises and he explodes, ,, another example for you lol...today whilst i was at work he had my youngest daughter age 1 and his mother had come to our house with her grandson age 1, and the grandson had knocked over a mop bucket i had left in the kitchen and so my husband flew off the handle saying that the grandson should know better (he is 1) theres something wrong with him, and when grandmother (husbands mum) defended the child he went off the handle at her resulting in her walking out of the house.
I made him call her and apologise as soon as i got home.

Why are you with him? He sounds awful to be around.

He's a short temper, negative, sulking sexpest manchild who plays the victim card then! I'm surprised you ever have sex with him! Yuch. Do not do couple's counselling with him as he will turn every from the sessions into either him being the victim or you being a bitch. You must be walking on eggshells the whole time wondering when he will explode next?
I'd dump if I were you. You may find that you turn into a highly sexed, jump on another man kinda woman. Or you might not. But who cares. You won't have to put up with shite man anymore! Won't that a relief!?!

he can be such a nice person, and a fab dad,,,,i just wish this was the majority of him,

So the majority of the time he's a twat and a shite dad? He's not going to miraculously change in that man you get occasional glimpses of! Stop waiting around for that to happen. Haven't you waited long enough?
He's shite to you, shite to the kids, shite at work, shite to strangers and shite to his mum. And you feel that you're the terrible one??? You're not responsible for him being shite. He is. And your response to him being shite is far too patient and nice. I repeat: he is shite! You are not!

I'm on my bloody ancient iPad so can't quote, but his shitty behaviour today in front of your one year old child - what lesson do you think she learned?

His own mum walked out because she didn't want his sister to witness his temper tantrum.

It also sounds as if you aren’t affectionate anymore- which can be a huge deal in a relationship. - who in their right mind would want to be affectionate to this twat?