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Original poster

So jealous of his past

16 replies

Isthiswhy · 23/05/2018 16:36

I know, rationally, that I oughtn’t be. He is with me now and we love each other.

But sometimes I get consumed with jealousy about his ex. I know that he was totally infatuated with her at the beginning and it’s easy to understand why. She is very pretty.

He took her on all sorts of holidays, showered her with gifts and quickly introduced her to his family. Planned a future together.

They were together 3 years before she cheated on him and they split up.

We’ve been dating just under a year and whilst we have been away twice together, they haven’t been to the sorts of romantic locations he took her. Nor have I met his family.

I know that he’s just cautious having been hurt once before but I am consumed with jealousy although I try to hide it.

Should I leave?

OP posts:
Jesuisleloup · 23/05/2018 16:38

Would you rather be with someone who had never had a previous girlfriend ?

Babdoc · 23/05/2018 16:40

How long is it since he and the ex split up? Is he definitely over her, or are you a rebound relationship? And is your jealousy really unreasonable, or are you sensing that he still carries a torch and you are struggling to compete?

Original poster
Isthiswhy · 23/05/2018 16:44

They split up 2 years ago and he already had the “rebound” relationship before we got together.

I think it is in my head to be honest. I’m pretty certain he doesn’t carry a torch anymore. But I think he senses I am insecure about her and has said all the right things to reassure me that it is over. But I want what he gave her. I know I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 23/05/2018 16:46

YABU. If he leaves you it'll be because of your insecurity not because of her or anyone else.

Chottie · 23/05/2018 16:46

Comparison is the thief of happiness.

Let the past stay in the past, be happy in the present and look forward to the future.

Justmuddlingalong · 23/05/2018 16:48

Has he met your family?

Cheeseandwin5 · 23/05/2018 16:49

I think you are allowing your own insecurities and maybe disappointment of your previous lack of experience, cloud your judgement. You shouldn't compare yourself to his ex or think of yourself as a direct replacement. Your relationship will be unique to you both. I would have the conversation about meeting family but apart from that I would let everything go. As for the romantic holidays , why don't you book somewhere, you don't have to leave it to him.

Goldmonday · 23/05/2018 17:26

Remind yourself that they really didn't have the happy amazing perfect relationship you may imagine, because they split up!!!

RatherBeRiding · 23/05/2018 17:29

What exactly is it that you're jealous of?

His "perfect" relationship went terribly wrong - he is probably trying to do things differently this time. And he does well to be cautious - he was obviously badly burned.

I really think some counselling would be helpful for you. This level of jealousy could well destroy your relationship.

ChinwagCharlieBear · 23/05/2018 20:01

I have messaged you.

TwentySmackeroos · 23/05/2018 21:26

There is a lot to be said for doing things differently in a new relationship. Creating your own timeline, experiencing new things together, etc.

My ex is replicating 'our' relationship with his new partner - same cities, hotels, restaurants - and it feels horrible for me and I can't help but wonder does she not feel the same.

SandyY2K · 23/05/2018 23:35

I think you should leave because you're too insecure and jealous. You'll drive yourself mad.

MrsDilber · 23/05/2018 23:46

your insecurity about this will drive a wedge between you.

He is entitled to a past. You either get used to it, or you can't, in which case, leave.

trojanpony · 23/05/2018 23:56

Going (slightly) against the grain

Is there a reason you haven’t met his family? Has he met yours?

Twounder1 · 24/05/2018 00:01

Honestly, I get you.
My fiancé was in a relationship for 4 years with a girl who wasn't.. Overly nice. But he put up 4 years, took her away, bought her iPads etc whatever she wanted even though he wasn't overly fond of her and he didn't have much money.

He met me and I haven't had half the luxury she has had from him. Not even close. It pisses me off. But then again, I've had two beautiful babies with him and we're due to be married. We don't really talk about her now as we've been together 4 years. But in the first year I was convinced he would leave me for her again. (he didn't)
He has had a past and that's okay. You just need to look towards the future together before it drives a wedge between you. Forget her, they split for a reason

Ariela · 24/05/2018 00:12

Why does he have to organise the wonderful locations?
Strike your own path :whisk him away to a unique romantic destination of your choosing. Invite his family over for his birthday celebration. etc.

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