Hi all
I'm a single mum to a 2.5 DD and I'm about to turn 39
Her father and I have a complicated relationship that started 8 years ago
To make a long story short, for the first 3 years or so, I was the one who wanted to take things slowly. After that I wanted us to take it to the next level. He would say things that gave me hope, but never took any action to make it official
He never introduced me to any one close to him, never asked me to move in and never proposed (big red flag I know that i ignored by fear)
Because I had fertility issues, getting pregnant became a "now or never" situation.
He was a 100% on board and supported me through surgery and everithing to facilitate prenancy
I kept thinking he had to be serious about us. Why would a man want a child with a woman he is not planning to stay with right ?
But once I got pregnant, he freaked out and said he was finally not "ready", that it "was not the right time", demanded me to get an abortion and bailed on me when i refused.
He did not return my calls or emails or any attempt to get in touch for more than a year.
I went through my entire pregnancy on my own thinking every day that he would come around.
The day DD was born I sent him photos and informations and got 0 reaction.
So when baby turned 1, i took him to court
He tried to fight it at first but finally agreed to take responsability
He signed her birth certificate, paid child support including back payments and started visiting her
Since then, he's been trying to sleep with me. I kept pushing him for a year
Lately though, i caved. He was attentionate and jealous and I thought it might not be just about sex. So we slept together once.
Since then, he wanted to step up is vists and calls etc.
The problem is, i don't want casual sex, nor starting over. He stringed me along for years and I dont want him to do that to me again
So i told him to go see my mum. In our culture, this is fundamental. He has to see her, say he's sorry for his past actions ect. They used to be close and my mum was really sad and disappointed by him
When i asked him that, he tried to convince me that he would do it eventually but wanted me to just let "things come naturally".
I made it clear that I won't sleep with him again before he goes to my mum.
So he decided to leave and before he did, he told me he would not be around much in the coming weeks
Now I really don't know what it is with me that makes him not wan't to commit. He seems incapable of being around me without wanting me
He seems incapable of letting go just as much as i am
We now leave in the same city, he owns his appartment, i rent mine. He pays a hefty child support
Despite all of that, he doesn't want me as is partner, doesn't want to share his life with us.
I know I have to let go and I will but I'm really wondering what it is with me that makes him so unwilling to commit ?
What's your take on this all situation ?