Hey,
I have been married to him, for 16years I met him at 16 and have 3 beautiful kids. The world around us sees us as the perfect power couple.
We worked together, played together and were awesome parents!
Well from the outside. My husband has always told me in certain ways, he does love me but not like I love him. He has always blamed me for taking his life away. Said I suffocated him. Because I had our daughter at 18, I suffered with anxiety and he said he couldn't deal with it.
I would also look for cues i.e jealousy or such to show hewas even a little bothered. 6 months after my last child he cheated, I saw a text on his phone after he stayed out all night. He told me he had relations with her a couple of times. He was deeply sad and sobbed as he confessed this. I asked for details and he gave them !! Anyway in the morning my brother was in an accident I lost all resolve, at this point hubby said it was a lie and admitted only to recieving oral sex on on occasion) telling me he thought I had been unfaithful and thought by giving me graffic deets I would confess ( he is the only guy I have ever been intimate with on my life) Thisgirls is a mess she was in a bad way( this surely wouldn't be the case after one off oral sex).
Anyway he offered the world for about 24 hrs then my sympathy token expired and I was to put up or shut up.
Fast forward 10 years we were working together. I had given up smoking and lost 5 stone and I was studying for a degree full time, working 40 hrs a week and being housekeep. I say this because there were times I was stressed and tired and impatient.
When anyone said I looked great, or I was awesome or that he should be proud he would roll his eyes and snarl at me. He would constantly complain about my work but say it was others complaining.
I was less needy and anxiety had subsided. He complained I had changed we started to argue, eventually as my manager he convinced me to step down from my role, said it would be better to concentrate on my final year study.
The day I left he turned to me and said oh dear what are you going to do now, I can't carry you!
He had what can only be described as a breakdown, using steroids smoking weed excess gym time. He was telling everyone who would listen that I was manipulating him that he needed to get away from me.
I took steps to leave the house and that's what I did.
I took control and I left first time ever alone!
However he went down hill and begged for me to reconsider. Whilst being very angry at me. Called me names + best one was a lesbian) blocked money etc. I guess I understand that. I allowed him to stay over sometimes as he didn't have a place to see our kids.
Eventually we started talking and we agreed for him to move in.
I stated we needed help for this. The night we made a date ( our anniversary) he left my house at 11pm and went back to his friends? No! He got dressed up went out to a club took a woman back to his mates!!! He called me in the morning to tell me he wanted to take us all out for the day unfortunately he didn't put the phone down and I heard him talking to her.
I confronted him he confirmed. Again only oral, meant nothing yadayada. He was lost we were on a break etc.
I had told my children he was moving I and we were. Going to work hard at it. So I simply said move in anyway. I found out he had been telling people a very different story,
I had apparently told him he had to go docs and get pills, this is not untrue although rather scewed infact I had said, as a psych grad I did not agree with pills but maybe for him short term would be beneficial.
He also told people i said he must quit the gym again not a million mile from the truth , he said he would quit i said this was unnecessary, however maybe a change of gym would work.
Once again I have exceeded sympathy quota. He has become quite cold towards me, and when I say let's call it he changed again. He says he is not sure what he wants but he knows I'm his girl, and I just need to give him time because he feels bad.
My question is , is he in need of help or am I just an idiot