Online dating question

[conversationdiva]

I’m fairly new to online dating. Been single for a few years and tried it ages ago but none of my dates were particularly successful so I came off it again.

After losing hope with men I know in real life, I tried again. I’ve been talking to a man who seems nice and we appear to have a lot in common. We chatted daily for about a week and he asked me out for a drink. I told him I’m free this weekend, asked where and what time and he said we can decide somewhere to go nearer the time depending on weather etc. I replied saying OK. This was on Sunday and I’ve heard nothing since.

Having been ghosted in the past, I’m not sure what to do now. I was planning to wait until he got in touch again but I’m wondering if he won’t. I’m keeping that day free but I don’t want to get to Friday and be let down.

He does have quite a busy job but it really takes no time to send a message. We are still talking through the app and he hasn’t asked my number. Would it appear needy if I send him a message to restart the conversation? Or should I wait for him to message me first? It’s annoying because I’d actually like to meet him. Most people from OD have been odd or sleazy but he seemed normal and interesting.

if he was interested he would have made time for you. I would move on

Yes, move on. I’m OLD again after eight years and have been ghosted a few times. I’m prepared for it now. I think you have to have a thick skin.

“Nearer the time” to me (if that was said Sunday) would be tomorrow or Thursday. Unless you’ve been texting Daily up until now?

We were texting on the app daily up until Sunday when he said that. Not constant texts though. About 5 per day. But nothing this week. It seems bizarre to me. Perhaps he will get in touch later this week. I just want to know if he still wants this date because otherwise I can plan something else!

Can’t you ask him if you’re still on for Friday?

If I was chatting to somebody lots on OLD then arranged a date to meet, I’d also go quiet because I’d want to have lots to talk about IRL.

Message tomorrow OP asking if you're still on and what time and where you'll be meeting.

I wouldn't assume you've been ghosted at thus stage. People have busy lives and at the very start of something, before even meeting, I'm not sure I would be making time for daily messages for fear of getting attached or suchlike and then being disappointed upon meeting.

If he doesn't reply tomorrow then I think you should assume it's a no go and move on.

This happens a lot.
They are interested in you then get chatting to someone else who appears to be more interesting so they ignore you.
Then after a few dates with the 'more interesting' one they come back to you because that hasn't worked out.

If it's Tinder, often the messaging bit is rubbish and you need to switch to Whatsapp ASAP.
I've had messages not come through for a day or 2 on the Tinder app.

Just message him and say; you assume he is no longer interested and if you don't hear back from him today then you will make other plans for Friday.

He's probably already in a relationship. He's passing the time of day OLD - likes the chase but stops short of going through with meeting up. Probably has a wife/partner at home who is completely oblivious to his habit and thinks that they are perfectly happy. He sees no harm in it as he isn't cheating but it is very damaging all round (Sorry to be so cynical but that was my experience)

I guess it’s normal for someone to message less after arranging to meet so that conversation topics aren’t exhausted before meeting in person. But no messages altogether for days seems like a lack of interest. I don’t know. It was him that asked me out though so I’m not going to chase it up until the last minute. Hopefully he doesn’t already have a partner. I’ve already weeded out some time wasters and if this turns out the same I’ll give up on OD!

I had a disastrous date on Saturday with a guy who was a crap texter. I was slated on AIBU for suggesting I cancel date. I should have trusted my gut over his communication. IRL he had nothing to talk about and was rude and arrogant but seemed ok via text. I personally wouldn't waste my time now on someone who'd gone quiet for 3 days. Like you say he's been keen until now. The weather forecast hasn't changed for the past week or more and a first date is usually going to be a pub or somewhere indoors so sounds like an excuse to me to wait on the weather. Assuming you're in the UK.
Like you have said it only takes a very short time to send a text. There's no excuse in my book.
I would move on However if he does get in touch and wants to meet up I'd rearrange because you thought he wasn't interested anymore and made other plans. Otherwise he thinks you are too available and eager to please.

Always, always listen to your gut. Your gut isn't happy here and there's a reason for that