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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is this reaction? Gaslighting? Abuse

2 replies

Walkagain · 22/05/2018 19:40

If you tell your stbxp that he is not to pick your child up from school again as he day time drinks and has drunk driven before and that you will arrange childcare or ask your boss to let you out early to get them.

You tell him he doesnt need to pick them up anymore as you dont want him to drive them potentially drunk, which he has done twice. I cant trust him to stay sober.

He stared at me like im crazy, eyes full of rage but bizarrely smiling and say that im paranoid several times.

I reply its not paranoia if it actually happened twice. He gets angry, raises his voice "well you better take our child to theirswimming lesson, theyve got a swimming lesson today and the child care privider wont take them". He starts walking away i say why are you walking off and raising your voice? He says because youre arguing with me. I said im not and that could take them there or i could move the swimming lessons to another day (which i easily did that morning over the phone).

Thankfully my boss lets me out early im at school early and he walks in there. I told him i said im picking up you didnt need to come. He ignores me. I end up walking home with my child as i dont trust him to get into his car. he lies and hides his booze consumption..he is an alcoholic in denial. I hate him.

I reckon ive got co dependency issues which im starting to work on and im in the process of formally separating from him but i just want to know if im the unreasonable overly cautious overreacting paranoid one or am i being gaslighted (or even something else)? Thank you.

OP posts:
Walkagain · 22/05/2018 19:45

I said something like:

I know you enjoy drinking and youre an adult its your choice whether to get drunk, i cant change your behaviour or set rules on you. I know you love our child so much. You often day time drink on your days off and im anxious and worried while im at work about you possibly drink driving again. So im arranging childcare or i will be pickibg our child up from now on your off dats (he doesnt work on some weekdays).

I toldhim yesterday when the beer cans were gone and i couldnt reach you (his phone died even though he has chargers in his car..he is just so inconsiderate) i was sick with worry about our child and what state he was in.

OP posts:
ScabbyHorse · 22/05/2018 19:53

Argh sounds really difficult. Is he already your ex ie do you now live apart? I had to stop depending on my ex for similar reasons and I ended up doing everything. He has shown you he can't be trusted.

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