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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone else got back together and been happier?

8 replies

Hg89 · 22/05/2018 11:01

Me and husband broke up and of March. He walked out saying he didn't want to do it no more. He had his tantrums and nasty words. I didn't argue back only spoke about our son. He soon got the picture I wasn't arguing. Since then we've been on good terms. Spending time together with son going for meals and planning family days out. We've started having sex again. I know I shouldn't it just seems heat of the moment. He seems on the fence about things. I asked him if he missed us and he said yes the old us the way we used to be. He still gets little digs in every now and then but I do it back but try to make a joke of it. He's been telling his mates that we've been getting on really well and he can see a big improvement between us. We haven't actually talked about our feelings to eachother. I feel a bit anxious to even start that conversation at the min. We can legally divorce in June (1 year marriage) I can't help but feel like he's just going to say right divorce papers are coming but maybe I'm just expecting the worst. Has anyone else sort of started dating again and then ended up stronger together or is it just games?

OP posts:
MargoLovebutter · 22/05/2018 11:51

Sounds like games to me. I know he is still your husband but he walked out on you and your son. I think he's having his cake and eating it now. You do all the grunt work and he has the golden moments - that's not co-parenting or being a team.

I'd have to ask up front what his intentions are and get a clear understanding of whatever the hell he thinks he is doing.

Do you know what you want out of this scenario?

Justmuddlingalong · 22/05/2018 11:57

You've drifted back together without addressing the problems in the relationship. Surely discussing the future wouldn't be as bad as the papers dropping through the letter box?

user1486956786 · 22/05/2018 12:02

Time to think about you! You can't carry on like this not knowing what's going on. Ask him what his intentions are and what he's hoping for. I mean, is he genuinely hoping it will work out for you as a couple? What he doing when he's not with you? Is he socialising, dating sites (having his cake and all!). He may be genuine but I think you need to have a serious, frank discussion with him otherwise you'll be in limbo again for months and potentially go through the heart ache all over again.

Chippyway · 22/05/2018 12:21

Stop sleeping with him.

The chances of him wanting to officially come back when he’s getting everything he wants now is very slim!

Tell him how you feel. Explain you’d like to work on getting back together but won’t be sleeping with him. See if he’s still as enthusiastic then. If not, you know why...

itallhappensforareason · 22/05/2018 12:27

To me it sounds like he is reaping all the benefits of a relationship i.e. sex and spending family time together, without actually having the burden of being in an actual relationship. By saying he misses the old relationship you had is not him saying that he misses YOU and it sounds like he is using you to be completely honest. I'd stop sleeping with him until you both make up your mind on what you want.

MarieG10 · 22/05/2018 12:52

I don't know anyone close who has got back together in these circumstances. I think it is possible but only if you both really understand and are willing to change things that caused the problems. Whether that is feasible is another question.

I think you have a lot of challenges and I really think you should stop having sex with him. Totally clouds feelings and thinking

Mortallie · 22/05/2018 14:56

You have to consider how he treated you towards the end of your relationship, how these little digs might grow into something bigger and more demeaning with time and whether or not he will fall into old patterns when you are back in a routine with each other.

From the sounds of things the circumstances don't sound ideal. It sounds to me as if he is filling the hole of his own loneliness by doing all the best bits of a relationship with you, but still not committing to actual family life.

Has he seen anyone else in the time you have been apart? I only ask because if those have been unsuccessful that could explain the reasoning behind his behaviour.

Adora10 · 22/05/2018 14:59

So he walks out on you and his son then comes back for sex whilst you are stuck being the responsible one, yeah, cake, eat comes to mind.

Doesn't sound remotely interested in getting back together with you, he's just getting his leg over and probably on the lookout for other women, sorry but that's how it reads. I'd stop having sex with him for start, then you will actually start to see what it is, he is interested in.

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