If you have a good relationship with your mum...

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

.... please can you let me how!

My relationship with my mum is a standard 'ok'. It's fine - we are in regular contact (text every other day, talk on the phone once a week, meet up at least once a month), she is kind, loving, thoughtful & caring which I know not all mothers are.
However, I feel there is something missing and we aren't as close as I want to be.
She never gives advice / guidance and I can't be open & honest with her, it just isn't that sort of relationship.

I have a 3 year old DD and I want an open, honest, loving relationship with her. One were she me everything she wants to, feels she can come to me for advice etc.

If you have that sort of relationship , please can you let me know how?? I would love a better mother-daughter relationship with my mum though don't know if it will change now so I guess the advice I'm after is for how to ensure I have a better mother-daughter relationship with my DD.

Thank you

Sorry for the typos!

Hi butterfly. I have a wonderful relationship with my mum, as do my two sisters. She has always let me know how she loved, trusted and supported me. She spent time with me but never smothered me. She had clear expectations. She never judged me but did tell me when she felt something was wrong. She has always been there as a quiet support. A mini cheerleader. She told me to be me. To be proud of being an individual and to trust and believe in myself. She is a calm person who always made me feel welcome when I'd visit home. We never had heaps of money growing up but I've always known whatever happens she will be there.

I’m best friends with my mum and always have been. She’s always been incredibly supportive of everything I’ve wanted to do, she tells me how much she loves me every day, she takes an active interest in things I’m doing and keeps unwanted opinions and criticisms at bay unless she thinks they are really necessary. She’s always been lovely and warm to all my friends and they all think she’s great. She wasn’t overly strict with me but made sure I understood my boundaries. She never yelled at me or smacked me but would just sternly talk to me about my behaviour if I was ever being naughty.

Tbh, if you are worried about your relationship with your own daughter, I'm not sure your relationship with your mum will have a huge effect. -I have a dreadful relationship with my mother, she is a narcissist and generally v unpleasant. I am no contact with her now for over a year, and we (my two dc and I) live 250 miles away from her so they don't see her and she never bothers arranging to see them.

I think (and hope) that I have a great relationship with my two. We are a proper team of three, very open, very funny and loving. They are 11 and 8, boy and a girl, and they pretty much tell me anything. That may change of course, but hopefully not too much.

Or maybe it's because my mother was and is so horrible to me that I've worked hard to ensure I'm not like her. There may be something in that, but mostly I think that if you have empathy, and you can listen without judging, then you will do right by your dd.

I have virtually no relationship with mine and it’s crap. Be happy for what you have

Will reply properly when I have more time (just at work) but just wanted to say thank you

My mum's about as emotionally supportive as a dead squid but I've been deliberately making sure I'm supportive to our two (don't think it makes a difference that they're boys). We make time every day to check how their day's been and know their body language etc for when something's up.

Also, DH and I will split and take one each on a weekend away, partly too give them space from each other but it means we also get some really nice time with each one individually. Works for us anyway.

My mum and I have similar interests which helps, we talk about crochet (exciting). We are close but in a parental way, I don’t disclose anything risqué! I also try and protect her to an extent if I’m feeling low as I don’t want her be upset seeing that. So it’s not 100% warts and all honesty.

We are open and she gives advice etc but it wasnt always like this - I find you have to make the effort to open up to get that ball rolling. - you have to practice being open and honest cos it can be embarrassing at first.

Also, we had a bad relationship until I was about 15, I get on with her much better as an adult than as I did as a child when I was scared of her, frankly. So you know, it’s all a total gamble! Don’t fret!

I am NC with my mum but my relationship with my (adult) son is rock solid.

We've pretty much achieved that by me thinking "what would my mum do? I'm going to do something different!"

I didn't have a perfect childhood or anything and I'm not saying my mum didn't make mistakes but she always make it clear (verbally) that she loved me. She said it a lot and I felt it (feel it). She's always been very supportive but above all I felt really secure about her love for me.
We have a pretty good relationship now, we can get on each other's nerves sometimes.
I'm going to have a baby (2 actually) and I definitely plan to tell them how much I love them , repeatedly, even if they find it annoying lol.