Boyfriend on vacation issues - am I overthinking?

[Poppybear123]

First post and I’m going to try keep this to the point as possible - apologies in advance!

My boyfriend (25) (I'm 24F) of 8 months is currently on a party capital vacation including brother and sister with him and then a few other lads, he will be back on Wednesday as the trip was 7 days.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I received check in texts / goodnight/ morning that type of thing which I was fine with. I’ve let him get on to enjoy it. However Saturday we were having a back and fourth conversation about what we had been up to and then all of a sudden I was ignored. As in, he was going on WhatsApp semi-regularly after that and not actually reading the message. Honestly I felt a bit low in the evening about this and sent a soppy text to say I was missing him. Again he went on WhatsApp later and not read. So then I deleted the message from WhatsApp as I felt a bit silly.

Fast forward to Sunday (yesterday 2pm) I receive a text to apologise for the delay however they had all been on a 24 drinking binge and asking what my deleted text said. I replied back last night 8pm ish and the message was read at 10pm but again he had been on WhatsApp numerous this morning. Then received a text from him this afternoon around 1pm staying what he had been up to and he misses me can’t wait to see me.

So to finally get to the point, I have (and I feel semi ashamed) played him at his own game, been on WhatsApp this afternoon and not read his message. (Funny enough just received a text message stating he had a cold sore)!

My questions are: given the circumstances that he is on holiday - I should relax the situation with the texting and deal with this when he gets back in a couple of days? Stop overthinking this whole thing?

Or do you think I have a right to be pissed off? My plan is to hold off replying and reading his last message until tomorrow morning (this will be difficult for me I admit).

I’m just generally really confused! He has been an amazing boyfriend up until now and I am hoping this is a glitch and everything will resume back to normal when he is back.

What would you do In this situation? And sorry for the rant !!! I feel stupid highlighting all these times the messages were sent etc but i appreciate your time ! X

Seriously - you need to reframe this. I sometimes read a message and then don’t write an immediate reply. Am I ignoring the other person? No. Maybe it didn’t need a reply, maybe I am tied up, maybe I want to write a proper reply when I have more time. Reading and not replying is not the same as ignoring. You are adding that interpretation to it and it’s making you unhappy. Just stop.

I often do this if I think replying will take up a bit more of my time. I may reply quickly to my mum texting me to ask how I am, but ignore my friend who's asked me two or three questions and who I want to spend a bit more time constructing a reply to.

You sound exhausting, honestly. Let the poor guy enjoy his holiday!

He's quite possibly using WhatsApp to make plans to meet other people on the holiday - so he's not ignoring you, as such, he's just not available to socialise at the moment!

Keep yourself busy; and talk to him when he's back. If he happens to be available to talk whilst you are; great. If one of you isn't, don't sit around waiting, it'll make it feel like an age. Go do things; talk to other people; and don't stress it.

CluelessMummy

Back off the poor lass! She hasn’t bugged him, she hasn’t told him any of this, she is simply writing down on here her feelings for advice. Normal feelings for a young lady in a new relationship! She isn’t exhausting, your rudeness is exhausting!

Some nasty replies here; some folk are so unhappy they like to spread it lol.

OP, I get it but don't spoil your peace and quiet over this; his routine is out of kilter so he's probably not on the ball so to speak; tell him when he comes back how it made you feel, sure you will both be absolutely fine.

THANK YOU everyone for your responses!
i think i did contradict myself a bit earlier

I genuinely think now after sleeping on the whole thing (and finishing the last pill in the packet which also explains why I'm a crazy lady haha), that i overthought and analysed it waaay to much than what was needed!

He is back tomorrow, so I am hoping that in a couple of days that everything will resume back to normal. If not, then that's something for me to work on and go from there.

I just felt a bit deflated that he was the one always initiating contact and then ignored me, felt as though I was being an inconvenience and it seemed to be on his terms. Not 100% confirmed, but when I did the same to him, he didn't seem to like it too much as he sent follow up texts. I admit I am a bit proud and stubborn at the best of times! However there was no need for the game playing on my part and I did stop after I saw the first responses advising me to! I had a brief catch up with him last night and today feel a lot better.

Thanks again for your responses and time, it honestly has been very much appreciated!! xx

Poppy this would bother me and my bf knows that.

I am a texter and it would not work for me if someone wasn’t a texter.

That doesn’t mean he has to be in touch all
Of the time but at least a quick reply a few times a day.

Maybe explain when he gets back how you feel.

Stop overthinking. If he hasnt replied then just leave it and go and focus on something else. He will be back soon. Hes just out doing things and having fun so he might miss messages.

Im terrible at messages, im one of those people who doesnt reply for days. And trust me when I say I love my husband deeply... im just shit at messaging when im busy. I would not be able to deal with pressure over a high level of contact at all. (thankfully my husband has no issues with this)

Really dont wind yourself up about this. You arent being rejected.

OP I completely get where you're coming from with this. As you say, you're not expecting him to be in constant contact, but it understandably worries you when you can see he has the time to be online messaging and replying to other people, but is choosing not to open, or reply to, messages from you. That's a choice he's making and, whatever the reasons for it, it's upsetting to you, as his GF, to feel taking 30 seconds to reply to you isn't a priority. Equally cutting you off mid-conversation, but again having the time to message others, is pretty rude. I also think some of the other posters telling you to get over it are being unfair and perhaps don't all get the differences between how texting and WhatsApp work!
I don't think you should freak out over this, but equally you don't have to be the cool girl either. I'd be really honest with him when he's back and explain what you've said here - you're not expecting constant contact when he's away, you're trusting him, but to then see him take the time to chat to others but ignore your messages is upsetting. If he's a good guy he should be able to put himself in your shoes and see how that would unsettle you.

He's on holiday. Say, "have a good time" and see him in a week.

THIS.

Some people like to receive a quick hi or bye text, and I don't there's anything needy about that at all IMO

You're not expecting Hi / Bye texts though, you're expecting him to be in constant communication with you when he's trying to have a good time on holiday with his family and mates.

You sound suffocating tbh.

Seriously, this is the stuff that can ruin an otherwise good thing. Obsessing about whatsapp must have killed so many budding relationships stone dead. Mad.

As I have clearly said numerous times now - i wasn't expecting constant replies. We do not constantly speak In normal surroundings. I have highlighted the issue I had (being blatantly ignored) which again I have said I overthought and looked too much into.

I can imagine there are some things in your relationships that you wouldn't be too pleased with however I may not have have a problem with. every couple establishes their own styles and ways of doing things and it so happened these last few days my "routine" had been jumbled a bit and I was feeling low so it added to the mix. I appreciate I'm in a fairly new relationship and have a lot of learning and adjusting to do, but no relationship is 100% smooth sailing. This is the first "glitch" I've had since being with him.

I'm not being defensive or arrogant and I'm honestly not trying to appear that way, but some times rather then try attack and belittle people when they are feeling down, you should try bring them up. Calling someone clingy, needy, implying the other should get rid of them etc is quite insulting. We all have bad days when we don't feel our best.

Thanks for all replies. I have appreciated them and taken note. I don't feel I need any more guidance on this, however hopefully it may help someone else in this situation in the future. it's fine to not be 100% ok all the time and relationship issues can be frustrating at times which may seem rather silly in the morning! (As I have learnt)! ❤️

Good night all x

I’m sorry that you felt brought down Poppy. I hope you are feeling better now.

If you post on MN for a pat on the head you risk getting a kick up the arse (and that is sometimes what’s needed to be honest).

AmazingPostVoices
Glad you are feeling better OP.
Now if he doesn't bring you back a lovely gift..
Just joking. Take care

If he's out drinking with his mates then being on what's app is probably how they keep the group together (which is sensible) you said he's also with his sister so he will (hopefully) be keeping tabs on her (I know my brothers would even though we are all now in our 40's). He's having fun and will be going from bar to bar and in loud places so yeah he won't be reading your texts and it would be a pain to have to keep a convo going with you whilst he's out trying to enjoy himself. There's nothing untoward going on, he's just having fun with his mates & siblings.
Personally I would leave him to it and only answer texts not start them as it's obviously stressing you out.
My dh goes away for 6 months sometimes to a place where the internet & mobile is costly and phone calls are short and few & far between. With 3 dc to worry about my dh & I have more reason to keep in touch but we sometimes go weeks without any contact because of the nature of his job. If I can cope with that you can cope with a week apart without turning into a clingy & needy girlfriend. Chill op.