Lack of intimacy

[Smilesandgiggles2012]

I feel very hurt by the lack of intimacy my partner shows towards me. We never ever have sex any more. I have an interest in him sexually but I don't believe he shares that back with myself. I've brought up the lack of sex in our relationship and has said that it's not that he doesn't find me attractive but that he doesn't know if I'm tired or in the mood for sex. I told him I was in the mood and just wanted to feel close to him and that I would like us to start having sex again.

Well that conversation has fallen flat because nothing changed, our relationship still remained sexless. I brought up the topic again and explained that after two children my body has changed and I'm going to start to tone up and lose some weight (I'm a size 14 was a 10/12) he told me to stop being silly and that he still loved my body. I then said is there anything bothering him and he explained there wasn't and that again he didn't want to put sex on me and pressure me into it as I look tired a lot of the time (thankssss 😂)

I've tried numerous times to talk with him. I've tired pretty much every thing and anything to get the sex back into our relationship but he isn't interested. We are only young 24 me and he is 30. Has anyone here been through anything similar?! If so how did you overcome it? I just feel very unattractive and hurt but it's not as though I haven't tried.

OP I read it as him not being at all interested in you.

Or else, just trying to find attenuating circumstances, he's ashamed of something: maybe performance anxiety or something along these lines.

Could he be depressed? My OH is depressed at the minute and sex has become a lot less than we previously had it, which I am struggling with. My OH assures me that it isn't me and that he just cant contemplate anything at the minute. It is really hard as it makes me feel very un-loveable.

I believe he isn't interested in me either. Rather shallow on his part if that's the case as I've remained the same over the course of the six years. I've gone from a size 10/12 to a size 14 but I'm actively trying to lose weight. I treat him so good and this hurts so much but I think he just isn't physically attracted to me.

I have read that in around 30% of heterosexual relationships the female has the higher sex drive so you are not alone.
If your genders were reversed I feel the comments on here would support the view on backing off from sexual intimacy and trying to up affection and support for a while to see if bridges can be rebuilt. Posters would mention helping with DC/chores, particularly if spouse looked tired.
I can assure you that a long period of sexual abstinence can be reversed if both of you want it to happen and counselling can help. However you are young to experience this so I can totally see you may feel the struggle may not be worth it.

You poor thing. Is he gay? Porn? OW? I have been through this then I realised it was hookers.....went looking and found the evidence.
Don't be naïve and let him brainwash you. Be aware.

God OP I had this for years,, seriously thought he was gay or just didn't find me attractive .. being lonely in a marriage is the worst feeling isn't it 😢 .. not saying this is your DH but for me I stumbled upon his sex addiction .. in over 5yrs of lack of intimacy he had gone something like this.. porn/live cams/upskirt fetish/interest in massage parlour/vouyerism .. trust me when I say def don't leave this.. search, ask questions, understand what is going on, I'd very much doubt this is about simply not finding you attractive & much to do with his lack of communication .. don't leave it for another year or three. You deserve so much better

Just realised you are not married.. def walk away OP you do not deserve to be with someone who takes you for granted or makes you feel a lesser woman xx

My dp has a way higher sex drive than me, and I know he feels rejected and undesirable sometimes but this absolutely isn't the case. I agree "nagging" for sex (sorry) is a turn off so easing off for a while sounds like a good idea; enjoy spending time together, holding hands, stroking his arm and other little signs of affection like that might help. But if he really doesn't desire you, how can you be a couple?

I finally got the truth but can't say it didn't hurt. As I thought he isn't attracted to me. Apprently our sex life has been "boring and sterile" for some time.... awkward for me as I didn't feel that was the case 🤣

Hurt isn't the word I think I'm put off sex and relationships altogether now. I believe there to be another woman as well. I have no proof of it and I won't be sticking around to find any proof either but this whole thing just makes no sense.

I'm sorry Op, that must have hurt to hear.

At any time in th last X years he could have said "hey can we do X in bed?" If he hasn't even got the bollocks to do that then you are far better off without him. It sounds like he may well be asexual but unable to admit it.

What do you want to do now?

You haven’t responded to the questions about porn. If he’s saying your sex life is boring and sterile, where’s he got that idea from? What does he think a “healthy” sex life looks like?

I don't know if he watches porn or not I assume he doesn't because other than work he is always at home and I've never found him watching it or in his search history. But who knows?

I have no idea what I'm doing now. I want to leave but it's not that simple. I will have to arrange a lot before I made any plans to leave which I believe I should do now.

It truly did help and you're right at any point in the relationship he could of easily said "can we try blah blah" sorry for the tmi but I'm not shy in the bedroom, I would understand the sterile comment from him if our sex life was 5 minutes in the missionary position but it never was. He may well be asexual what ever he is, he certainly isn't into me that's for sure!

*it truly did hurt

Not help lol