I could really use some words of wisdom. I separated from my ex in 2015. I've since met someone new (well, I've known him many years as a friend) and we recently had a baby together. I should be happy.
But I'm finding it so hard to come to terms with the fact the man I loved so much could hurt me in such a way. He dragged me out of bed by my hair on one occasion because he was angry that I was sad, he held a knife to his throat and said he would kill himself and it would be my fault, he put me in a headlock when I tried to hide his car keys when he told me he was going to drive off and kill himself. He smashed my hair dryer because he felt I wasn't listening to him, he pulled the handle of my car door when I tried to get away one time.
He constantly told me I made him lose control and I didn't support him in the right way and I should be aware of his triggers.
We have two DC together and he sees them twice a week. He is a much better father than he ever was a partner. He looks after them well when they go with him and I have no concerns about their safety as he never directed any of his behaviour towards them.
But he has a great life, friends, girls, cars, bikes etc. And I'm just still bereft that he could treat me like that when I really thought he was the love of my life. I don't want to get back with him. I desperately want to be at peace with what happened so I can enjoy my life with my new partner and my children. I want him not to matter to me and I want his happiness to be irrelevant to mine.
Please, has anyone else gone through this?