Abusive partner :(

[crossroads1992]

Im not going to bore you with a 20 page book on my life so I will try and keep it short, need to write this down, don't know who will read or reply...if anyone but here it goes, been together 8 years, have 5 month old baby boy, only time he's been nice to me for a long period of time since the start of relationship was while I was pregnant, don't know if I can swear on here so imagine every nasty horrible work you can think of and iv had it said to me, he's even referred to our son as a T word C word and B word...every time son cry's partner can't handle it throws him at me and says sent IT back it's a C B or T...tonight I asked what he was doing downstairs, I had head phones on and didn't hear him so I asked again he said he's not repeating him f ing self and I need to fk off before he throws a knife at me...told him I will leave, he says fine but you arnt taking our son...obviously I don't want to leave my baby with him, he blows hot and cold he's always sorry and it's always my fault...the other day he blew up because apparently I moved his stuff...day before that there was a mark on the sofa so he demanded I immediately cleaned it up and called me all the names and a tramp, any time our son cry's night or day he kicks off...expects me to do everything, I was doing the bottles making tea and sorting out washing and son started crying so he stormed in and said TAKE THAT and went and sat playing on his phone while I had to sort everything, all I want is a loving relationship, I try so hard, I love my son and I just want to leave this relationship but partner plays mind games and says he will take me to court and get custody of him, his parents have more money and the court will take him off me as he's the one with the job and name on the mortgage, I'm scared to leave I don't want to loose my baby to this psychotic man and iv tried to talk to his family but he can't do any wrong! They are just as bad as him and we don't get on :(

Please leave him. He will not get custody of your child, I know it’s so so hard but you have to be strong and leave for your son. Do you want him growing up thinking this is normal ? I’m so sorry this is happening to you but you can make it out. Please get out before you or your son get hurt. Have you tried calling women’s aid?

Do you have any family or friends you can stay with ?

I have my family about 2 hours away...I moved here to be with him, moved away from my family and friends and my small town to live with him where i know nobody and it's a big city :/ they think I should leave him but they won't force me, I know I should leave but iv built my home in this house :( I'd have to leave and start again and be on my own, but I don't want my son to grow up thinking his dads behaving normally when he's not! Partner says that I'm always threatening to leave and take baby with me, that's because he gives me 100 reasons a day to go :( he says I can't take him and that he would fight me for him but he can't handle him! He says our son hates him and shouts at him when he cry's I just want to go :( I can't fix this relationship iv tried so hard.

You are never going to have a loving relationship with him. Leave him now. Be strong or you and the child will end up further emotionally abused and it may turn more violent, he is making threats already.

I hope you will contact these people as soon as he leaves for work tomorrow. If you need a third party referral (I don't believe you do) get an emergency appointment with your GP and ask them for the referral.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence

Founded specifically to help victims of domestic violence and abuse obtain legal protection irrespective of their financial position.

How much does NCDV charge?
Nothing. They have never charged a victim and never will.

They can get the following in 24/48 hours

Occupation Order
An occupation order regulates who can live in the family home. An occupation order can also restrict your abuser from entering the area surrounding the family home. An occupation order is often used when someone does not feel safe continuing to live with their partner.

Non-molestation order
A non-molestation order is aimed at preventing a person’s partner or ex-partner from using or threatening violence against that person or their child or intimidating, harassing or pestering that person in order to ensure the health, safety and well-being of that person and their children.

Under Part IV of the Family Law Act in order to apply for one of the above orders, you must be an “associated person”. As the mother of his child cohabiting you meet the criteria.

Thinking of you (from someone who has been in your position)

love my son and I just want to leave this relationship but partner plays mind games and says he will take me to court and get custody of him, his parents have more money and the court will take him off me as he's the one with the job and name on the mortgage,

All abusive men say this, or things very similar to this. It’s PART OF the abuse and control. It isn’t true.

You’re not going to lose your baby to him and his family. The courts won’t fall for that.

The only way you could possibly be separated from the baby is if you don’t keep him safe from the abuse.

But you already want to leave and that’s the right way to deal with this. For you and the baby.

So you need to make a plan for how you get away.

Call Women’s Aid later today. They are great and will be able to help you. Maybe call your family too and ask for help to leave. Important not to tell him tell him what your plans are ( for your safety and also, why give him a heads up ?) but start preparing to leave with your son. You both deserve better than this. Don’t worry about his threats... it’s his way of controlling you and nothing more.

I've heard all this before. It's normal for abusive men. He won't get custody and starting again is better than living in hell. Please listen to the other people on here and get out.

All domestic abusers work to the same pattern. What you're describing is classic stuff. What he is doing is abuse. Horrible. None of this is your fault. You will never make him a loving partner however hard you try.

At the moment you're trapped in a hell of just the three of you. Let light and air into the situation by involving outsiders like your family, your GP,. and the Domestic Violence agency PP suggested.

As others have said, the only way you'll lose your baby is if you don't protect him from your partner. You have to leave. You owe it to your baby.

He won't get custody, it's an idle threat to frighten you out of leaving. He doesn't really want to have his DS with him, he won't want the responsibility.

You should definitely call Women's Aid for advice and let your family help you. I helped my DSis when her abusive first marriage broke up. DH and I put her up in our house on several weekends, I took her to see a solicitor from the law firm where I worked as a legal secretary, and helped her remove her stuff from the marital home where he was still living. She filled for divorce, which really empowered her. Taking positive action really will lead to a much better for you and your DS.

Please leave, you're not going to have a happy life, home or family with him. He won't change, I'm so sorry; you've had some great advice.