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Original poster

When you inadvertently find out you’re the OW!!

44 replies

CandiedPeach · 20/05/2018 20:15

Only been seeing him a few weeks, although we had agreed to not see other people! But still what the fuck! Angry
We have mutual friends, I’ve been out with his friends and yet he’s got a girlfriend of a few years away at uni.

Of course he was going to break up with her. He was just waiting until the holidays because he’s such a gentleman and didn’t want her upset when she’s got her exams.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 21/05/2018 12:12

After my divorce I seem to only attract married men. I wasn’t interested as the reason for my divorce was my ExH’s infidelity.

A couple of them fooled me about their relationship status for short periods, but as you commented, something eventually didn’t add up.

I eventually met my now DH online, but I kept him dangling on just phone calls for a while before we actually met to give me chance to work whether he was another player or not.

My tips for sorting the players from the genuine ones are:
Do they call you only during week days or the same time at night/weekends?
Do they evade questions about their families?
Do they have to end phones calls quickly, fairly regularly?
Do they want to introduce you to friends and family fairly early on?
Do they call you from a home landline in the evenings or weekends? (Less reliable these days as fewer people have landlines)
Can they handle short notice changes in arrangements or do they usually cancel if you need to move a date?
Do they ever invite you back to theirs or do they always want to come to you?
If you go to theirs do they introduce you to neighbours if they happen to be on the drive/front garden when you arrive/leave?
None of these are foolproof but collectively they can add up.

Good luck OP. Keep going - there are nice guys out there.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 21/05/2018 12:23

I know it’s not my fault in anyway, but I still feel so bloody guilty. How do these men do it!
He knew my stance on cheating too, fucking dickhead. He wasn’t even that good in bed, my ex was much better!

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 21/05/2018 12:26

Unsure if I should let her know or not! I don’t want to mess up her exams, but if it were me I’d want to know! My friend found her on fb and she has her profile pic of the two of them.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 21/05/2018 13:02

Of course it’s not your fault. They are twats! I was the cheated DW for over 20 years -when I finally found the courage to kick him out it was wonderful. I didn’t blame the OW - they weren’t responsible for my marriage, that was squarely on my ExH.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/05/2018 19:43

No,do not tell the gf. Hell don’t get embroiled in drama
She’ll not thank you,the ow for telling her you had a fling with her bf
And as you say she has exams And you don’t need the aggro

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 22/05/2018 19:49

I haven’t said anything Lipstick. Only because I do think she really has exams.
He messaged today (different number) to say he’s ended things now and hopes we can start afresh 😂. I don’t really believe him but if it’s true, what a crappy thing to do when she’s got her exams. Plus he lied to me! And that’s, that for me.

And he said he doesn’t think it’s really cheating, because he stopped having sex with her, before he started with me!
Err, no that’s not quite how it works!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/05/2018 21:31

Priority is,and has to be yourself.youre a smart lassie,clearly you know he a bs merchant
He’s mucking both of you about,which is v cheeky

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 23/05/2018 07:50

It’s like he’s convinced himself he hasn’t done anything wrong! He actually said for me “to stop telling people he was cheating” I haven’t even spoke to anyone about him, other than close friends, but one of those friends introduced me through her bf, so she had a go at him asking if he knew. He said he didn’t but must have given him some stick for putting him in that situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 23/05/2018 08:24

And he seems to think he’s such a catch, that I’ll overlook the lying to be with him.

How did I not notice what a creep he was before! He makes my skin crawl thinking about him now!

He actually had the cheek to say, at least he was ok with me having a child when most men wouldn’t be. God, I sure know how to pick em.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 23/05/2018 08:55

Dating is hard enough without dicks like him. What gets me is that you socialised with his friends and no one said anything about the gf.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 23/05/2018 17:10

I don’t think most knew Reboot they thought he’d broken up with her like I did. Even one of his quite close friends text me to say he didn’t know.

His family knew he was still with her, as they know hers. And I had met his brother, but I’m guessing he was willing to lie for him. Not met any other family members.

Anyway, I can do a lot better. I just really hope his girlfriend knows she can too.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 23/05/2018 22:35

Onwards and upwards. You’ll get there.

FabulouslyFab · 23/05/2018 22:46

Happened to me. Met a guy through work ( I was fairly new). He was always travelling to spend time with me and my kids. When I first met him I asked him if he was married- he answered that he hadn’t been in a serious relationship for a long time.
The whole fucking office knew he lived with his girlfriend- and not one bastard told me!
He ‘mentioned ‘ it over the phone when he was explaining why he couldn’t come up for my birthday......
That was the end of that!

MachineBee · 23/05/2018 23:37

Fabulous there really some twats out there!

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 26/05/2018 12:42

That’s shocking Fab that colleagues knew and not one gave you a heads up. How do these men have the front to just blatantly lie. They must know they’ll be found out at some point.

I’m at a party tonight (mutual friends, but more of mine there than his). I really thought he’s be too embarrassed to still go, but he’s apparently still coming. My plan is to just completely ignore him, while looking fabulous.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 26/05/2018 12:59

You’ve done nothin wrong. Hold your head up high and have a great time. Star

OliviaStabler · 26/05/2018 13:08

The whole fucking office knew he lived with his girlfriend- and not one bastard told me!

Because they assumed you knew and were OK with it I suspect.

checkingforballoons · 26/05/2018 20:44

There’s a lot of it about!
I had a casual, friends with benefits sort of set up with a guy when I was last single. It went on for a few months until he announced his engagement on social media. I ended things straight away, despite his assurances that she wouldn’t get hurt if she didn’t know (!).
The icing on the cake was when he contacted me a few months down the line to ask if I’d be up for a threesome - yes, with him and his wife to be. I almost said yes, not because I would have gone through with it, but to see if he genuinely would’ve tried to see that through!

MachineBee · 27/05/2018 09:07

I believe blokes spend so much time watching porn it warps their ideas of what is normal relationship behaviour

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