Dp totally disinterested...

[NickyNora]

Dp never asks me anything. I've been away for 3 days to an amazing city. He's not asked me anything about my trip.

He has never critised me.
He hasn't complemented me in years.
He never initiates a conversation.
He never asks about our dc.

He rarely complains.
He is rarely happy... shows literally no emotion.

If I don't talk there is no conversation between us.

I get really frustrated. I used to get upset & angry. I would be the shouty angry one & dp would be sat there, disengaged & 'just blank

It's soul destroying...

Anyone else have a dp like this?
I can't live like this anymore.

I've decided tonight we have to seperate. I can't do this anymore.

I need to make sense of why he behaves, the way he does..

I would strongly suspect ASD there are many adults that have never been diagnosed but that doesn't mean they don't have it

I kind of think he sounds depressed to be honest. Could be wrong but that was my first thought. Doesn't mean you have to stay with him though, you aren't his counsellor.

Maybe he's not old, but he behaves like an old man

I had one exactly like this. Exh only started showing an interest in me six months after he left and suddenly wanted to come back claiming he had made a big mistake.

It was too late for me sadly but
showed he was lazy and selfish and it was easier for him not to bother until he realised he had lost me.

I think he needs to know it is the end for you and whether or not you give him another chance is up to you.

He doesn't seem to be all there tbh. The examples you've given aren't behaviours of a normal fully functioning adult.

He's not only socially awkward to the point it affects your friendships, but his behaviours indicate there's more going on.

I really don't think it's deliberate on his part... but just because there hasn't been a diagnosis doesn't mean somethings not amiss.

There are people at work I see and I just know there's something not right with them...they don't have a diagnosis (I have access to their files) and they don't interact normally eith others.

He sounds as though he is barely alive. Does he get excited about anything?

You settled and the price for that is this and blaming him is far to easy. Choosing him was predicated on the stability he provided then and not on his potential for being anything more than he was. Not to say that his behaviour isn’t acceptable but it is who he is and was.

I can understand your frustration but you didn’t go from being a single parent to two with no skills and money, to married with six with no skills and no money, without thinking that this wasn’t the price you were paying. I agree there doesn’t appear to be a fulfilling future with this man but I think you need to consider leting your current ‘stability’ work for your future as an independent woman, by gaining qualifications and work experience.

If DV wasn’t the catalyst for me ending my relationship with DD’s father, I could easily see me still hiding in that unsatisfactory relationship, having more children and sacrificing fulfilment for stability and convenience.

I'm a graduate Agent but haven't worked in 14 years as one of my dc was born with complex medical conditions. I have no up to date skills. I'm middle-aged & my life revolves around school runs & meetings at schools. Has done for about 17 years.
Dr will start school in September so hopefully it will get easier...

Realistically I need to earn money & work around my dc as one of my boys needs alot of care.

Back in the 1980s there was still a very real stigma attached to being a teenage mother. My family were very respectable & i was forced to leave home and marry my dc father.

So back in 1999, when I met Dp I was grateful to him for taking me on with 2 dc. In my culture nothing was expected of the man other than to work.
He never asked what i needed. He gave me £200 a month housekeeping when he moved into my home in 2001.
I carried on doing everything I had always done. I was working 2 jobs & at uni. I thought that was fine.

I can still remember being really shocked by the attuide of women on Mumsnet when I found it about 5 years ago. I really thought it strange thst men should be expected to cook or clean after being at work all day.

Dp used to talk more but we've grown apart. He works shifts now so more pressure. Since I've been in the menopause we don't have-a physical relationship.

I'm sure he's depressed but he won't go to a doctor.

Ultimately I know its my fault for expecting so little.

Your last post explains a lot about how you got where you are. Good for you for recognising that you deserve more than this.