Help.I can't handle this.

[Mummyanne]

I'm 19, me and my partner have had ups and downs but we're so good at the moment. I suffer with anxiety so it makes me question everything. When I'm with him I feel soo soo in love and secure and I miss him when he's not here. I'm always talking about him but I feel less connected. However I do with most people when I'm not with them. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts and anxious feelings that I don't love him and I just don't know whether it's because we've had so many ups and downs I'm worrying or whether I could be losing feelings. I hate saying that and I couldn't Imagine my life without him, we've planned our future. We want more kids and marriage but I can't handle feeling this way any longer. Is it anxiety or what

You're so very young, probably much too young to be 100% sure about your feelings. You haven't finished growing yet (emotionally). People are living to their eighties - that could mean 60-odd years with one-man! You say you want more children. Have you got one already then? Slow down, enjoy your youth.

Where to begin.
You are only 19 - way too too yearly for ups and downs and for planing a life with anyone.
Figure out your life, education, a job.
Live a little, and a little more.
And when you are ready - it’ll fall into place and none of this anxiety you are so full of right now will be there.
And - whatever you do - don’t have kids when you are feeling this way about someone.

There a no rush with any of this. Really.

@Singlenotsingle
Yes we have a nearly two year old. He's the only person I can turn to with all my anxiety and he's the only person I can trust and I feel so so in love with him but then these anxious thoughts pop into my head. Especially to do with a guy that was a fling before me and my partner got back together and were still really close and I get so anxious about it all. It's hard to differentiate between anxiety and true emotions.

@MMmomDD we already have a nearly two year old. And they're all I've got really. I feel so in love.

OP - your posts are so confusing - so unclear if you turn to your 2yo with you anxieties; and who is your Ex and what he has to do with any of these.

What’s clear is that you are confused and not in a great place.
And way, way too young for this much drama.

Just focus on yourself and your child. Aha on getting stronger.
Ask GP for help with anxiety?

Feeling in love at 19 - happens to many people. Typically ok 10-20-30 years time you won’t be with the same person you are so in love with when you are 19.
Not totally definite, but more likely than not. Especially given how it sounds in your post.

So - just focus on surviving and getting to stand on your own feet for you and your child.

I think that’s your problem, if they’re all you’ve got it’s a huge pressure on this relationship to be everything to you.

I also suffer from anxiety but found that it improved no end when I split with my partner recently and had to make more of a life for myself alone. I rejoined clubs, started new hobbies, spent more time with friends and family and read a lot to help me to pin down what is important to me.

DP and I have since got back together and the relationship is so much better for having a bit more going on outside of it.

I think you sound a bit too dependent on him for your happiness and would benefit from expanding your circle a bit and by trying to provide some of that love and comfort for yourself. You’re so young and have a lot of life to live, don’t do it entirely through someone else. Find out what makes YOU happy, what drives you and interests you outside of the relationship.

Once you realise that you don’t need him, you can manage without him, but he is a welcome addition to your life, you will find it feels freeing and calming. The anxiety of trying to control someone else so that they can provide what you need is exhausting. I know, I tried. Now that I have stepped back a bit, I can enjoy my time with DP and also enjoy my time without him.

You may find that you enjoy your time more without him and that at some point in the future the relationship ends. That’s ok. It’s not what any of us plan, but especially having a baby at such a young age, it’s a long shot that this is the perfect man for you to spend your whole life with. As long as you both parent and interact with each other respectfully separating is not the worst thing that can happen.

Just take the pressure off yourself - relationships take work, but they shouldn’t BE hard work.

@MyRelationshipIsWeird thank you!

@MMmomDD I meant I turn to my partner with all my anxiety's. it is really hard when they're a a lot of pressure

I totally understand and i have felt like this before so many times and it is so horrible. For me it's definitely a part of my anxiety and depression and the intrusive thoughts are a fucking horrible symptom of OCD! Go to your gp and talk about how you feel and they should reassure you that you aren't the only one feeling this way and there are ways you can make it easier to cope! This all started for me when I was 20 and now 26 it still happens but it's easier to deal with because of my gp and more knowledge about it x

@Jazzy11

Thank you so much. Glad I'm not the only one. When I get intrusive thoughts I always know the truth deep down. I know that I love him but I just needed reassurance other people get these thoughts to about not being in love and that they mean nothing.