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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like my partner isn't supporting me.

14 replies

lovetheskinyourein · 19/05/2018 21:42

NC just in case... a very close family member has just passed away and I've been very stressed since they became sick. I've been travelling back and forth driving hours to go and see them before they passed away. Now I've been arranging the funeral etc, and it isn't a pleasant time!
I'm not sleeping well or eating well due to stress, and I can get snappy- I am the first to admit that, but I feel so alone too.
My partner snaps so much at me telling me he hates me and saying I don't realise how hard it is to live with someone feeling the way I do. I asked him the other day if he could make dinner as I'd just been feeling really down and he said fine... we later had an argument and he told me that I had made him feel guilty about making dinner because he didn't want to and me asking made him feel like he had to. I always cook and I know it seems like silly things but I feel he isn't being supportive at all through all this, he keeps swearing and screaming at me and calling me names saying I'm a bitch I'm the big C word and that he just wants to go to work because I'm so miserable. It's all so raw at the moment and I need his support but I don't feel like I'm getting it when he threatens to walk out on me constantly... am I being too needy or does anyone else think he should be there a bit more. Probably need to put my big girl pants on and man up don't I 

OP posts:
rageface · 19/05/2018 21:46

No, you need to put your trainers on and run for the hills.

He’s s despicable human being. And you deserve someone who will make you the centre of their world at a time like this

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Velvetbee · 19/05/2018 21:50

He’s horrible. Anyone can be nice when life is good but they really show their character when the shit hits the fan. You deserve better.

buckeejit · 19/05/2018 21:53

I'm so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself at the moment & tell him you don't feel supported. That's no way to speak to someone you are supposed to love, particularly when they've been bereaved.

Next time, have some beans & toast & tell the twat to make his own dinner.

HotSauceCommittee · 19/05/2018 21:54

Get rid. Please do not have children with him. I have been far more difficult to my DH/partner of 25 years and he has never called me a cunt.
This person, your partner, is your nearest and dearest. Who do you turn ti when it’s sll going to shit and you are mourning? It’s not him. He is not your nearest and dearest.

HotSauceCommittee · 19/05/2018 21:55

I am sorry for your loss Flowers

lovetheskinyourein · 19/05/2018 21:58

Thing is sometimes he's so lovely but then other times I sit there and tell him how I feel and he sits there so cold ... won't say a word! I do snap sometimes about silly things so I know it's my fault too ... Sad

OP posts:
Dozer · 19/05/2018 21:59

He is abusive. Sorry you’re having to deal with his abuse in addition to your bereavement.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 19/05/2018 22:02

You do not deserve to put up with his abuse. He calls you a cunt, gets angry because you asked him to cook dinner for once? He sounds horrible.

Singlenotsingle · 19/05/2018 22:05

We all snap sometimes (even me!) I wouldn't expect to be screamed and sworn at. Why can't he cook? He doesn't want to? Does he want to eat? Tell him to go to work if that's what he wants, and stay there! You can't possibly want to spend a whole lifetime being treated like this?!

lovetheskinyourein · 19/05/2018 22:05

Thank you all so much. It's nice to hear it from you as well that I'm not being stupid...

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 19/05/2018 22:17

You aren’t stupid, OP, you’ve just lost a loved one. Have you got anyone to make you feel better?
My DH is the first person I run to when I am upset, even if it’s because it’s if my own making and I’ve been a dick. You need a partner like that, a safe space person when you are hurting x

mehhh · 19/05/2018 23:34

You are not being stupid at all... he is the problem not you, you deserve to be with someone who supports you and helps you deal with this, not someone who makes it worse for you

Sorry for your loss Thanks

Gu33s3inpark · 20/05/2018 09:31

Sorry for your loss. Your partner is being unsupportive and you deserve better. If he doesn't want to cook can you get take away or some ready meals that you put into oven or something simple like jacket potatoe, omelette. In a few months time when you are ready, have a good think about whether you wish to continue this relationship, you should be a team, not two people angry at one another

Cawfee · 20/05/2018 09:51

He’s horrid and you deserve better. You really should consider if you can be bothered with this for the rest of your life. He’s been verbally sbusive. It’s not ok!

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