Is it normal to fantasise about inflicting pain on yourself? It’s all too much, I hate my husband

[Anotheridiot]

He is critical and negative, always starts arguments then tells me I start them. When he knows he is in the wrong he just raises his voice to silence me.
I have a very busy life and I’m trying my best, recently I have started thinking about harming myself. I crave hypothetical pain. I’m a complete wimp so don’t think I would ever actually do it but it is becoming a real craving.
I have 4 kids, they are all amazing, this isn’t about them. He is making me miserable but I can’t leave. It’s such a mess.

Why can't you leave? for you. I think you need to see a counsellor or similar. It's not good to feel you have no option but to hurt yourself. There are always other options.

Is it about feeling something? You currently feel you're trapped in a hopeless situation from which there seems to escape and so you supress everything to become numb and cope? It was for me...the need to feel something, a release of some kind of emotions, even if its just pain. A reason to cry, a physical reason for all that hurt held inside. I do know that feeling. You do have options. It may not feel like it now but you dont have to live like this. You really dont.
Please go and talk to your GP, to womens aid or confide in a close friend if you feel you can. Take care