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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Older sister, younger brother

26 replies

Aozora13 · 19/05/2018 18:01

I just told my grandmother that I’m pregnant with DC2. We got talking about siblings and how my DD might react to the new baby. GM then said that she hopes it’s not a boy as that never works out well. Either the boy gets frustrated that his sister can do things he can’t or he gets totally mollycoddled.

Of course I know deep down this is nonsense but it really hit a nerve as my younger brother has really struggled with depression and anxiety and part of me has always blamed myself - for being too overbearing and bossy, and not looking after him like I should have done. And now I’m wondering if she blames me too?

Does anyone have any positive older sister-younger brother sibling relationships they’d like to share to prove my GM wrong? I know I’m being silly but it’s really quite upset me.

OP posts:

LordEmsworth · 19/05/2018 18:21

I'm an older sister and I have perfectly good relationships with all 3 of my younger brothers. I definitely have never mollycoddled them, and I don't think they ever felt unmanned by my ability to do things sooner than they could... what a very odd thing to think

LordEmsworth · 19/05/2018 18:22

Sorry that sounded aggressive. I mean what an odd thing for your grandmother to think.

Original poster

Aozora13 · 19/05/2018 18:51

Thank you, not aggressive, just the sort of thing I need to hear! It’s not like there’s anything I can do about the sex of this baby anyway!!

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 19/05/2018 19:03

I'm the eldest and have two younger brothers who are happy and successful

Baubletrouble43 · 19/05/2018 19:11

My best friend has a dd aged 7 and ds aged 5. Their relationship is beautiful. They get up to mischief and are each other's best friends x

AmazingPostVoices · 19/05/2018 19:14

I have several friends who have great relationships with younger brothers who are perfectly happy with their lives.

There’s no need for the boy to be mollycoddled or to be frustrated.

Aussiebean · 19/05/2018 19:15

Could be an older generation thing. Or her experience in one instance and has decided to make a sweeping judgment.

My mum told my sil when my wife was born that girls are horrible. (Thanks Mum )

Take it with a pinch of salt and certainly don’t blame yourself for your brothers problems.

pisces7268 · 19/05/2018 20:08

i have a younger brother and at times i was bossy with him but ive got a better relationship with him than my older sister now :)

hmcAsWas · 19/05/2018 20:12

Dd is almost 16 and ds is 14. They argue and bicker like all siblings - but they love each other, have each others back and sometimes actively enjoy each others company .

Roseau18 · 19/05/2018 20:13

My mother has always told me that my younger brother dropped out of school because I was too conscientious and it was too hard for him to live up to my reputation, despite the fact that we went to different secondary schools so none of his teachers knew me.

Pebblespony · 19/05/2018 20:19

My brother is 3 years younger than me (to the day). We are very close. Fought a good bit as kids but probably no more than other siblings.

MrsHathaway · 19/05/2018 20:22

I'm 4 years older than my brother (but five school years as our birthdays are just either side of the cut off). We're good friends now but had little in common as children. I think that had more to do with the age gap and our natural characters, though, as our genitals have largely been irrelevant to our relationship

Iloveacurry · 19/05/2018 20:27

Please don’t blame yourself for your brother’s depression. I’m an older sister to my younger brother, only 21 months between us. Of course we bickered and argued when we were younger, but get on very well now.

DrunkUnicorn · 19/05/2018 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 19/05/2018 20:49

I had a younger bro. Yes, I felt awfully protective of him, but when I was about 17 I realised that my rather over-bearing, over-protective feelings towards him were not helping. He was the baby of the family, so I think we all felt like he was an absolute wonder and a star and incredibly special, but seeing my parents' attitude to him, I realised that I had to step away and let him do things his way.

It was the hardest thing I ever did, but it paved the way for me to be able to step back from dd's growing up too. Stepping back from her was nothing like as painful as stepping back from him, but that's no reflection of how much I love her.

In the end my relationship with my 'little' brother was improved beyond measure by my leaving him alone. It didn't end our relationship, but made it so much better, one of mutual respects and liking.

Original poster

Aozora13 · 19/05/2018 22:49

Thanks so much everyone for taking time to reply, and for being so kind! I think as aussie says my GM is extrapolating wildly from a couple of examples. She’s normally someone I really rely on for advice but is clearly way off the mark on this one! Although she did also tell me I’d chosen the worst possible time to have DD as she’s a summer baby and therefore will fail in school...

Anyway, thank you for all for the reassurance, I will now return to my normal, rational self (until tomorrow)

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 19/05/2018 23:46

If you would like some contrary anecdata about academically successful summer-born children, I am at your service

Redglitter · 19/05/2018 23:51

My brother is 4 years younger than me. We are and always have been close. Love him to bits

Dungandbother · 19/05/2018 23:56

Ive an older sister and a younger brother. I much prefer my brother

We never argued as children. Bicker a little, disgruntled but always there for each other.
Same sex siblings seem to be more physical with each other than different sex. Could be just my anecdotal belief.

I have girl then boy. 3 year gap. They are lovely together. They bicker but respond well to me and are easily stopped to make friends again.

Aussiebean · 20/05/2018 07:43

BBC just reported in a study of summer children and parents who hold them back a year.

Little to no difference was the verdict.

Have a look, it’s probably still there.

FASH84 · 20/05/2018 07:51

I'm an older sister, my DB is two years and one day younger. We get on great as adults and as kids we bickered and fought like most, but had a good solid relationship and had a lot of laughs together. Even though I think we are quite different DH thinks we're funny and very similar together (he is an only child). Your GM might have very fixed views of gender roles. DB and I both loved wrestling and teenage mutant ninja turtles as kids as well as singing a lot, (Didn't realise how much we burst into random song until DH pointed it out, and that DN now does the same, neither of us are good singers btw) and a strong shared sense of humour. One child will only feel jealous or envious of the other, or be more mollycoddled if you treat them differently!

hairypaws · 20/05/2018 08:24

My dd is the eldest with ds 3 years younger and they are great friends. Likewise I have 2 brothers (I'm middle) and I'm very close to my younger brother (neither of us see much of older brother).

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/05/2018 08:25

My middle two are older sister/younger brother. I think he has looked up to her but is more successful in his career as a result, and they are close, good friends. He is also an excellent older brother to his younger sister, and quite protective of her. So I think your GM is talking pants, quite honestly.

MrsBartlet · 20/05/2018 16:22

I have a dd (21) and ds (17). They have always been very close. They bickered a bit when they were little but I can't remember the last time I heard a cross word between them. Ds goes to stay with dd in his half-terms when she is at university and they love hanging out together. I always feel sorry for him when she goes back to uni and he is left with just dh and I as he is without his partner in crime! She is studying English and he is struggling with preparing for his Y12 English exams, so she is currently sitting next to me writing notes for him on one of his texts to help him. With respect, don't listen to your grandmother

Turnocks34 · 20/05/2018 19:38

What an odd thing to think. My little brother is brilliant. Training to be a Dr. Clever, funny, kind. Still a bit of pain in the arse but we get on really, really well.

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