A letter to my exH new girlfriend

[mumtoaboywhosgreat]

Dear EXH new girlfriend,

I'm really sorry for what you're potentially about to face moving in with my exH

He was abusive on multiple occasions, usually emotionally and verbally and hiding behind his MH diagnosis as a reasonable excuse but also I remember our son watching in a pushchair as he assaulted me "because I wound him up"

I still have marks in my property where he threw possessions of mine again "because I wound him up"

I carry the emotional scars of a man so cruel when I had to go for biopsies I had to take my child in his pram with me as despite him living less than 20 mins away he felt he didn't need to spare my son or me any trauma and help out with childcare "because I wound him up"

I wonder if you can have really not seen his frequent abusive texts calling me a cunt?

I wonder if you have any idea what it was like to be with a man who has so little respect for his child's mother he pissed on her bed? While she was in it asleep.

I wonder if you are aware he was offering his sperm to me quite possibly in the time you've been dating?

I wonder if you're aware he was threatening to make me pay because I ended our marriage eventually and briefly dated someone else?

I wonder if you're aware that I only stopped him seeing his child on two occasions, all others were his choice - my reason - the time I was so scared by his aggressive harassing texts and threats to make me pay I didn't want my child in his care till he calmed down and I also didn't want to be assaulted on my doorstep and the other time he was paralytic drunk and in no fit state to care for himself let alone our son

I wonder if you're aware he's accused me of emotional manipulation any time I've tried to explain how our son feels by his behaviour?

I wonder if you're aware he sat in mediation and bold as brass said he felt no empathy for his toddler son?

And now I'm expected to accept you... less than 6 months on. As a part of my sons life.

I've no idea if you have any choice or awareness. I hope you have a chance to walk away or at least know the facts.

So while you will be told many stories I'm sure of crazy unhinged bitch. These are just some of the facts you really deserve to know before you're in too deep.

Please respect my son has gone through enough with his father and doesn't need a stepmother figure forcing herself on him just yet as much as you might like the idea of playing happy families with my exH - you don't know him yet. And there is never going to be "happy families"

Please please take care. And whatever you do don't think reproduction with him is a great idea. He can assault a mother in front of her kid, remember that!

I wish the poster itsabingthingy who has a thread going called why won't his ex leave us alone would read this!

She's not my exH new girlfriend but this is what she has to look forward to

I am another crazy exw who lies and is not to be believed. I too felt the same about itsabingthingy, if indeed she is telling the truth.

I hope she realises he's the same as our exes.

I wish someone had warned me.

Yep! I wish I'd been warned... I had people telling me how lovely he was and how he would never hurt me. of course they hadn't actually known him long themselves and his mother appears to back up any batshit decision he makes, out of fear I think now. I used to think she was just a cow

My god op

I’m so glad you are shot of him. It must kill you sending your son to him.

How long were you together?

Did you end it?

I think making an ally of her is a great idea. She'll have only heard his side of things and i cant see him painting you in a good light.

We married in 2010 and by 2013 we separated but had an on/off living apart but still together marriage.

It does kill me.

He suddenly wants to resume contact with my son... full overnights with the new partner. I've replied saying no to her being present and must be at a different property with a named relative present.

I have however offered 3 hours on alternate weekends where my DS can gradually be introduced

I'm torn between wondering if she had a choice in the sudden lengthy contact he proposed and what that means about her,

I'm really disturbed by itsabingthingy wanting props for happy families and terrified this woman could be the same

I'm hoping she had it forced on her and will be starting to see what he's like and how he doesn't put DS needs before his own desires ever

You are well shot but it sounds a bit confusing and that you want to blame her, on one hand you seem to want to warn her about him and then say you are expected to accept her and that you son doesn't need a stepmother figure forcing herself on him. Is he allowed access to your son.

I get the point but why do you assume the new partner will force herself on your son and want to play happy families with him.

If you read the step parent pages you will see that alot of step parents don't want to mother the children at all, in fact alot want nothing to do with them.

I hope to God she won't.

I have no idea if she will.

All I know is they are seeking sudden overnight contact the day they officially move in together despite him choosing not to see DS since February

Whether she has any choice or say I have no idea, she may be being told just to lump it

She's never met my DS btw

Is there any court ruling about your ex having access,

No there isn't

Perhaps he is telling her you have withheld contact and she is encouraging him to try again?

I really would not want my son around that man

I do think your fear of this woman is misplaced - your ex is the terrifying one

I’d bet my house she’d be a lot nicer to your son than he ever would

I do agree he is the terrifying one, references to her terrifying me more come from the poster of the other batshit thread in case she's anything alike

I honestly know nothing about her at all

If I had more RL support I might feel more able to withhold contact but I don't sadly at the moment and DS has strongly expressed how much he wishes his dad would see him.

I don't expect he will bother much but DS has to know it wasn't me who prevented his Dad being there for him

I have asked all contact is supervised but as I didn't get him convicted ever I don't think I've much "proof" to stop it completely

Op

You are right I’m afraid. Without any evidence from the authorities to back up your claims then there is no reason to insist the contact is supervised.

Unless you have evidence in the form of text messages and emails? Photographs of bruises etc?

Emails and text messages. No photos

With a bit of luck he might just give up if you keep digging your heels in

The thought of your son witnessing his dad in a relationship with anyone is horrifying

Poor boy. Your ex seems like one nasty character

Thank god you got out.

Has he threatened court?

Oh he's threatened it loads

I was the one who sought mediation

I was the one who went to the Solicitors with a contact proposal

He's never actually got off his arse to get contact sorted despite threatening it tons

He falls out with me, over things like me saying he should attend his child's birthday party/school play or my son is upset or ill etc - then says he can't see him till he takes me to court... never does.

I sat in a room with a counsellor trying to explain this and they kept getting confused - it is confusing - in his world - the most reasonable suggestions such as turn up to a parents evening become ground for a major row and then saying he can't see him till he's taken me to court.

Did you never report the assaults to the police?

No. I lied in every GP appointment where it was affecting my MH so badly too. I covered everything up to everyone.

It took the freedom programme before I even realised I was in an abusive relationship. Yes really. Despite all I wrote.

I was stupid. I loved him and I wanted a family so badly I made very stupid choices that weren't often the best for our son.

I just read that other thread. I can see why your worried the ow might be like her!

Chances are your ex has probably spun the new girlfriend a web of lies about you being evil and him the innocent party and so he has to now 'fight for custody' so that he looks like the good guy.

I would start a diary. Write down what he's done in the past and what he is doing now. Also back up any text proof you have. You don't want to break your phone and lose evidence.