I too have struggled with booze - it didn't mean I was a bad person, just a very troubled person who desperately needed help.
As you know, this entire mess comes down to one issue - your alcohol consumption.
No judgement from me.
Have you ever considered why you drink to excess?
I think there are two reasons why people end up with drink problems.
ONE is that people often turn to alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex etc, as a source of comfort, to deal with life's stresses and problems, things or incidents they find difficult or impossible to deal with. Also, PTSD suffers or those who have been traumatised, albeit in childhood or in adulthood..
TWO is that some people simply drift blindly into being an alcoholic by drinking regularly, needing more and more alcohol to reach the same nice feeling, they're drinking becomes more important than other things in their life and before they realise it, they are addicted and have a major problem with alcohol which they had never anticipated.
The first scenario involves resolving the underlying problems to a satisfactory conclusion and only them can you start to deal with the alcohol issues.
The second scenario simply involves giving up alcohol. I say simply, but there's nothing simple abut it.
Drink is a depressant so your thoughts at the moment will probably be pretty low, added to that the break up of your relationship and everything else that's going on in your life, you must feel completely, totally overwhelmed and emotionally shattered.
Be kind to yourself, forget the self shaming and negativity. You are a beautiful human being who is struggling currently. You wouldn't berate a friend in similar circumstances, you would support them and utter wise and kind words. Be your own best friend. Go easy on yourself. So you have a problem. Who doesn't? Problems can be resolved.
You are now about as low as you can go so things can only go one of two ways.
Firstly, you can take the view that things can only get better.
Hopefully you can accept this complete change in circumstances as a challenge, an opportunity to rewrite your future, perhaps train for a job which may be more suited to your talents and passions. (Everyone has them, if you probe deeply enough.)
Secondly, you may decide that it is just too hard to change and you continue along your path of destruction, which will result in early death but huge personal degradation and humiliation before you reach that point.
Only you can decide which path to follow.
Millions of people have been in very dark places due to alcohol, often wishing they too were dead but have managed to completely turn their lives around.
Some failed many, many times before they were successful but they never, never, never gave up giving up. Like them, I never, never, never gave up trying and I got there in the end.
Some only seek a solution to their problem when they have reached rock bottom. Nowhere else to go but up. Sounds like you hun.
Some don't manage to kick the habit. It's not easy but it is possible.
There are many different organisations to help with alcohol addiction. AA is not for everyone. You are not on your own. Go to your GP. Find out what is available in your area. I know you're a bit rural but there are phone services, counselling services, Antabooze (Antabus /Disulfiram) tablets. Maybe you could be referred to a rehab centre? There are all sorts of groups available, if you look for them. If you reach out for help, you will get it. You just have to accept it.
Maybe this is not the right time for you to give up, maybe it is the ideal time, I don't know.
Only you can make that decision.
I wish you all the best in your life and try to look after yourself.