Selfish husband/pregnancy/labour

[Ooladoola]

I just need to rant. Heavily pregnant. Had complications throughout the pregnancy. Midwives have suggested trying to get my labour started sooner naturally so to avoid induction if possible. DH and I attended a session with a MW who gave lots of advice on how he can help me get labour going. She explained how hormones work etc.
I'm desperate to get baby out naturally as my first induction with DC1 was not pleasant. I am in lots of pain with this pregnancy amongst other medical complications. MWs have been v empathetic and helpful.
DH however is not willing to do anything to help induce labour... says hes "mentally unprepared" for the baby to come yet. He also has a sporting event that he doesnt want to miss so is reluctant to try anything beforehand. Could be my hormones but I'm livid.
He can see how much I'm struggling and he wont even get on board and help me try to get things going. Yes, I'm aware things dont work a lot of the time anyway, however my cervix has began softening etc and MW thinks a "helping hand" could just be enough.
He keeps on siting this sporting event as a reason to wait and if he mentions it again, I think I may flip my lid!
Hes also had almost 9 months to mentally prepare for this baby... he'd rather me struggle longer than force himself to prepare for baby's arrival. I think its selfish.

do you mean he won't have sex? I believe it's the orgasm rather than penetration that helps it along. I could be wrong but you could do that by yourself.

Am a little confused. Are you trying to say that you’re cross because he won’t have sex with you?

There are loads of things that you can try to get things going that don’t involve him:
Hot curry
Bouncing on birthing ball
Long walks
Bumpy car ride
Hot bath
Clary sage essential oil (in a diffuser, in bath or mixed with base massage oil)
Hand expressing colostrum
Acupuncture/reflexology

None of these suggestions are evidence based in any way but may be worth a go.

I feel your pain by the way! I am 10 days overdue at the mo and keen to get things started. I have tried all of the above to no effect so far.

I would flip my lid aswell. No sporting event is more important then the birth of a child.
I'd give him the full brunt of your mood and let him know he's being ridiculous. He surely doesn't have to mentally prepare that much as you already have a kid. And it mostly kicks in once a baby is in your arms.

I think orgasm is a part of it but apparently semen also contains stuff that helps soften the cervix.

Fun Fact: I found out today that one of the main active ingredients in the pessaries they give you for induction comes from pig semen

And it sounds like you would have to do it by yourself if you want it done.

And yes, your DH is bring an arse saying that he is not mentally prepared. I’d be livid too. It’s fine fir him to be apprehensive and aware of his own feelings but he needs to be supporting you right now.

My midwife told me that sex (semen) could help induce labour however you'd need to do it more than once

He is being a selfish asshole.

He needs to put that sporting event right out of his mind and grow up.

MW recommends semen ×3! Nipple stimulation, certain pressure points, essential oils etc. Ways to increase oxytocin levels, so a bit different than the hot curry/pineapple advice. She specialises in alternate therapies. But many of the ideas meant involving DH and he doesnt want to be involved.
😤

Yes he is being selfish. What got my labour going with dc3 was a really long walk. I didn't intend to go so far, but we got lost (not the best idea in late pregnancy) . I was carrying my 2.5 yr old DD some of that time too. Do a few miles worth of circuit round the block.

If you're seriously desperate, ask the midwife to sweep your membranes. Unlike sex, that is evidence - based and does the same sort of job in a less enjoyable way, but is more effective. It's in the NICE guidelines that it should be offered before other forms of induction.

Personally, I'd caution against that and all the DIY methods anyway because often it just triggers uncomfortable prelabour which goes on and on and tires you out before true labour starts.

You can't coerce him into having a shag if he doesn't feel like it. I don't think he's being selfish necessarily - let him have his headspace, as long as he's there when you need him in labour & after baby is born.

Good luck.

I have a sweep booked for next Friday. However, I can not walk at present, so a week seems a long time to wait. Just wish he was more willing to help.

If you have a sweep booked for next Friday then I can assume you're 39/40 at present??

What number baby is this?

Even if you were to coerce him into sex it's still unlikely to happen from just the one time. Even with inductions, it can take x2 pessaries or a 24 hour propress to get anywhere.

It'll happen when it will happen but the sweep will be more effective than any other natural attempt, and that's with a decent one, 1 min long, on a favourable cervix.

Oh and btw, for others suggesting pineapples, turns out at a study day I went to recently a woman would need to consume approximately 10 whole pineapples for it to work. It'll shred the tongue before it gets anywhere near the cervix!

No. 37 weeks tomorrow. As I said, I've had lots of complications so they want baby to come sooner.
It took 1 pessary with DC1, was fully dilated with 90 minutes of insertion.

I know nothing about childbirth (I adopted my son) but honestly it doesn't sound great

if your baby arrived early there would be no mental preparedness, tell him get over himself and put your welfare first ..... its all about his sporing event ..... selfish fucker

Why are they not considering a quicker induction or even q cesarean if the baby needs to be out sooner rather than later?

Seems a bit snake oil to be relying on alternative therapies.

@SilverHairedCat because OP wants to avoid induction so trying alternatives first.

It’s also the semen that encourages labour, not an orgasm.

OP he’s being selfish. No sporting event is more important that his baby and your comfort. He needs to get a grip.

??? If you have complications that require the baby out they will get the baby out as required via the most appropriate means. If your baby really needs to come out now for medical reasons they will not be leaving it up to your DH to burn some essential oils and have sex with you. If your DH is sensible this is probably what is running through his mind atm.

HoppingPavlova has explained it better than me. Either you need urgent induction or you don't. I am confused. What's the medical need for an induction?

I assume that they are going to induce op early or exactly on schedule so she's trying her best to send herself into labour first to avoid this. That's not an unusual situation, the midwife is just trying to help her do it as naturally as possible.

There can be medical reasons to induce but not urgently. I have type 1 diabetes and tge chance of the baby dieing in the womb grows after 38 weeks. So if I am pregnant I will have to be induced before that time. I imagine the OP has a similar case where the baby needs to be born before a certain date for medical reasons. Not all inductions need to be done NOW.

As Im in charge of my own body I have decided against medical induction for reasons that really dont need discussing on this thread. I have the full support and guidance of experienced MWs who have been trained in alternate therapies, which are being more widely used and better understood.
Medical Inductions are often dangerous and unnecessary, I believe that alternatives should always be explored.
The NHS can not force women to do anything that they dont want to do and in my case, there is evidence to suggest that other methods are worth exploring. Advice on using these methods are becoming more prevalent even under the NHS.

Gotto and Gummy 👍