What do I do now?

[Emillie2009]

Hi, this is a really long story so bare with me please.
I have 3 children with an ex partner and I am now with someone else who In jan 2016 and we are now expecting a baby at the end of this year.
When I first met him I was madly head over heels, would literally do anything to please him. Whilst I thought everything was rosey I found out a few weeks into the relationship that he was still seeing his ex girlfriend, he tried to deny it but the proof was there and in the end he admitted it. I decided to let it go and to try and make another go of it. So we booked a holiday for June of that year...then just two days before we was due to fly I received a text off his ex girlfriend stating that he was still seeing her and had slept with her on several occasions. She had screen shot me all the messsges that had been sent to each other and again I confronted him about it...he didn’t try to deny it. It was obvious what was happening. Like a complete idiot I decided to forgive him again and wanted to just get away. So we went on holiday as planned and the first 3 days was bliss....as the week came to an end it became more and more obvious that there was something wrong, he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me, going out on his own..by the time we had got to the airport to go home, he was telling me that he didn’t know whether he was going to go back to his ex or stay with me. I was distraught being told this information. We got home and as I expected everything went back to normal. Sneaking around, telling me one thing and doing another. He was just obsessed with her and I was obsessed with him. I just couldn’t say goodbye.
Anyway, in the end we ended up moving in together and things were clear that all this lying and cheating had took its toll, I’ve become depressed, no confidence, anxious all the time. I’m really not in a good place.

Recently I gave up my job for him at the hospital because he didn’t want me working with doctors etc, so I thought I’d have a career change and go into beauty but now I’ve just found out I’m expecting.
No job, no friends, family doesn’t care (never has done) and all I’ve got is these four walls and I’ve never felt so low.
Please can someone give me some advice?

Well, time to try to reconnect with the people you've lost touch with, maybe?

Read your OP back.
This is madness. What would you tell a friend to do in this situation?

Marjorie25, what does 'god bless the child who have its own' mean?

I was wondering the same Toofle.

You say you’re having your tubes tied after this baby which leads me to believe that you’ve decided that you will continue with the pregnancy. Obviously this will mean that this man will always be a part of your life regardless of whether you stay with him or not right now.

It’s time to really think about where you want to be in the future.

One piece of advice I often go by is that if you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same results.

The alternative, is to get all the support you can; old friends, relatives, trusted acquaintances, and work on your self esteem. Go out, talk, cry, laugh - get a fresh pair of eyes on this situation.

You can regain control of your life and be free of that knot of doubt and anxiety you’ve been carrying around since the beginning of 2016.

You’re good enough, and if you start to surround yourself with your friends again you’ll be reminded that actually you are BETTER than good enough, without him.

It doesn't matter whether he has "trust issues". Who doesn't? You certainly do now, thanks to him.

He's still being a controlling arsehole.

He has :

1. Been unfaithful, over a long period. This wasn't just a one - night drunken fling.
2. Lied, repeatedly.
3. Sulked / cold-shouldered you and ruined your holiday.
4. Is now controlling and persuaded you to leave your job from jealousy. I mean, this bit is awful. What business is it of his if you work with doctors, or bloody porn stars for that matter? What does it say about him, that he thinks he gets to dictate this, or persuade you?

He doesn't get to choose who you work with.

The fact that rather than getting this arse out of your life after that holiday, you moved in with him, suggests you really need to step back and think about what you want and how you'll go about getting it.

What really concerns me is that your children are living with a man who models this behaviour in a relationship. What are they going to think is normal?

There is no easy way out of this, if you're keeping the baby, but you don't have to keep him. Once you've had the baby you'll probably feel less like splitting up, so I'd do it ASAP, before you get into another rut which it will be harder to drag yourself out from.

Hugs to you - you should not have to put up with being treated like this.

OP - you say you don't have anything, or anyone. But you have 3 children. 3 human beings who rely solely on you. Put them first. Make them - and only them - the centre of your world. Be a good role model and protect them from being in contact with abusive people.

Get back a better paid job at the hospital if you can. You are supporting 3 other people and stability in your home is a priority.

I do have my children and they are my world..what I meant by I have nobody is I have nobody I can talk to about my situation.
I’ve been thinking about going to counselling and by seeing everyone’s responses to this post it’s clear what I need to do.
Thanks for all your advice

Toofle: "what does 'god bless the child who have its own' mean?

That you as a person need to be as self sufficient as possible.
Many of us do not know what tomorrow may bring and most importantly its the women who are left destitute with the children.
Yes, I believe in love, but love does not pay the bills.
I would never give up my job and stay home full time. It makes more sense to work part-time, so that you have an outlet. I know that people should not go into a marriage/relationship thinking along these lines, but poverty is not a joke and its even worse when you have children.

book an abortion. THis man is financially abusing you, he is having sex behind your back (or openly) . You know that he is a cad,a dn this baby will not create harmony or make you more entitled. it's going to make you desperate and weak and worn out and financially dependant. You need shot of this love rat, and to claim your life back.

Goodness OP, are you that desperate for a man; he's been cheating on you the whole time then treats you like crap; please look to his actions; they say it all; he has zero commitment to you; you're there for now until he either gets back with ex or finds someone else.

Find your self respect and stop allowing this utter loser of a person dictate your life to you, where you go, where you work, i think you seriously need counselling to figure out why you accept such a shit relationship.

You gave up your secure job that was helping to keep a roof over your DC head and your independence for a 'MAN'!!????
Wow.
Why on earth would you do that?
Get that job back quick sharp, if you can.
Kick his lying, cheating, sorry arse out.
It's not wonder men treat women the way the do when so many just roll over and take it!
Think about yourself and your DC and stop doing anything to keep a 'MAN'
He's no man. He's a wanker.
Get rid and do it fast!

did OP return