Boyfriend texting another woman when drunk...devastated

[seasame123]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, he's taken my daughter on like his own, he provides for us and is the most loving and loyal boyfriend I could have ever dreamed of, I thought I'd finally caught my lucky break and met the man of my dreams.

I have never had any reason to be suspicious over him, he leaves his phone at home when he pops the shop, he chooses to spend all his free time with us and he generally just treats me like a queen.

But two weeks ago he went on a very rare night out for his best friends birthday (he's not a big drinker and very rarely goes out) I woke up at 5am and he wasn't in bed so I went down to check if he had made it home, he was fast asleep on the couch phone still in hand with messages to a girl he dated a year before he met me ( they dated for 6 months)

The messages were as following:

Can I text you tomorrow Melissa?
Are you in now?
I will call round to see you at 3pm tomorrow xxx
I'm sorry I love my girlfriend
I'm happy with my girlfriend sorry no offence.

At this point she replied calling him all sorts and saying if you're happy with your girlfriend why are you texting me at 2am etc....

As you can imagine I was mortified, I was in so much shock that my perfect, trustworthy boyfriend had done this. The next morning I confronted him and he said he couldn't remember a thing and he can't beleive he did that and he has never even thought about another girl since we met, he's over the moon with our little family and he would never in a million years cheat on me.

We split up for a week, the whole time he cried and begged and pleaded. He's promised to never drink again unless were together and he's never had any thoughts of his ex ever so he has no clue why he did it. He drinks usually about twice a year and said he doesn't really like drinking because it doesn't agree with him and he'd rather be at home with us anyway.

Thing is after we talked and decided to give it another go, I feel so depressed I feel like someone has taken my old life away from me and I want it back, I know it'll take time to heal but is it normal to be this devastated? He's booked to take us to Disney in 4 weeks times and I'm hoping by then I'll feel better, but I feel so down and anxiuos everyday wondering if he'll ever do anything like this again and still reeling in shock that he's not the loyal man I thought he was.

Would you forgive him? Am I over reacting? Will he do this again?

I need to be sure before I make a final decision because it affects my daughter's life as well as mine ( she adores him and calls him daddy)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Well I must admit I thought this post was going to end worse than it did! I actually scrolled back up to make sure I hadn't missed the worst bit lol. I think it sounds like you have a good man there and he has made an upsetting hiccup, but it's not THAT bad. Yeah, he text her, but he also managed to tell her that he is in love with YOU. Sounds like "drunk brain" took over momentarily and sounds like he regrets it. Hope you can get over it together and stay happy xxx

I’d be peeved off but I think it sounds like in his drunk head he thought she wanted him so he wanted to text/ call and explain that he loved you?

Think very carefully before you throw away the baby with the bathwater. He sounds like a good man who just made a silly mistake. When you read about some of the men on here, the things they do are unforgivable. Yours is forgivable

I think a lot of us have been drunk and sent a message we shouldn't have done. It does sound like he didn't even know why he was texting her and he did say he was happy with you. I think the fact that he's been grovelling to you is a good sign too, how many threads on here does the OP say that the OH lied/blamed her etc?

We’re they all in close succession? If so, I’d agree with the pp that said it sounds like he had previously been under the impression that his ex wanted him back and he wanted to speak to her to let her know he loved you and wasn’t interested. I would want to know from him how that conversation started though before I decided whether to remain angry or not. Did he contact her first or vice versa?

If, however, there was a lengthy gap between the texts where he asked if he could meet up and the ones saying he loved you, then I’d be more worried that he had initially wanted to see her but then later changed his mind about it. I’d be much less inclined to let this go.

Now this is what I call a mistake.
They messaged and then he probably realised what he was doing then put a stop to it by telling her how he feels about you.
As long as he has blocked her now so it can't happen again, I could easily forgive this.
He hardly drinks.
He treats you well.
He loves you and your DD.
You feel how you feel.. Those are your feelings and you are quite entitled to them.
In the grand scheme of things though, this is nothing.

Someone who tells a girl at 3am while steaming drunk that hes turning her down because he loves his girlfriend clearly does really love you. Don't overreact over a few drunk texts.

He finished it saying sorry he loves you. He’s not that bad. I would forgive that one I think.

You need to forgive him as pp's day.

He made a drunk mistake.

I thought it was gonna be much worse.

I think he has made a silly mistake and even when drunk has displayed how he really feels about you. He sounds like a keeper so if you throw him away I suspect you will regret it. Nice to not read all the time about abusive and controlling me!

Sorry controlling men

Sorry I'd not be as understanding as your other replies; for me he's crossed a line, he's now fostered a feeling in you that you cannot trust him; your feelings are valid and do not discount them; what happens next time he drinks, same thing, or worse?

I'd give him another chance but not be so trusting until I felt this was a one off, for all you know he might do it again, you've only known him 2 years and he's already betrayed you and it is a betrayal in my book.

I also had to scroll back up to read what he sent. Yes an over reaction. He clearly states he loves you and is happy with you. Sounds like he was wankered, had a stupid idea then even though he was still wankered realised he wanted you.

I'd let it go now. He's made a lot of commitments, you split for a week, it's enough now. If you keep on the relationship will end over something stupid and unintended.

I think 'drunk texting/phoning' is a definite thing! I've done it - phoned a friend at stupid-o'clock when drunk, to say absolutely nothing at all. Sounds like the exgf thought he wanted something from him, and his true feelings came out - ie, he loves you.

The phone-call/texts mean nothing - it's the thought behind it that counts.